(Closed) I snooped and now I don't know how to approach this situation – LONG

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I agree with Nerdy Sarah. If you Fiance doesn’t have the gazongas to stand up for you, you get to grow your own pair. Honestly… He calls you a whore on FB your response should be “Yes he’s still with me you disrespectful turd”. He says you suck, you respond it’s better then blowing like he does. 

Honestly stand up to this immature jerk and let him know you’re not backing down and you’re not going anywhere. So he should just put up and shut up!

Post # 33
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@musicalrose:  Exactly, and you have to do it with authority. Eventually, when your Fiance sees you put the friend in his place repeatedly, he will learn that either Fiance handles it himself or you immasculate his friends- thus, forcing Fiance to grow a pair, too. “Dude, dont F&ck with her, I’ve seen her shush a grown man.” Bwahahahaha

Post # 35
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

So why does your Fiance want him at the wedding??  Have you asked him why he has the have the douche that called his future wife a whore at his wedding? 

By The Way…his response of “there will be people there to beat his ass” is asinine and immature.

Post # 36
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I agree with a lot of the previous posters. Don’t stay with someone who is allowing this to happen (though I’m not saying to up and leave him today, either – your Fiance deserves a chance to make things right). Have you just openly asked your Fiance why he is friends with him and why he allows it to happen? Did something happen? Does he stay friends because something terrible happened to this “friend” and thus he feels bad for him?

You should openly be asking, do not try to be sneaky about it.

Also, I would fess up about snooping through his phone. Yes, he will be upset – but it is better for you to be honest (and if it wasn’t a big deal to your Fiance, then he will not be mad at you… but if it was not a big deal to him, you probably have a right to be mad at him again for not thinking that such horrible things are OK to say and that this person should still be invited to the wedding). I would be very concerned that this person was going to try and ruin the wedding, you might want to talk to your Fiance about *that*.

Post # 37
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It really does sound like this guy has something on your Fiance and your Fiance is trying to stay on this good side.

Perhaps you need to approach this another way, perhaps you need to have a good long talk with your Fiance and ask him about any skeletons in his closet, tell him that no matter what he has done in the past this does not change your love for him.

And/or have a good honest conversation and say that “I just don’t understand why you are friends with him”. That is not a weird conversation to have, the “why do you hang out with this person” converation is a normal one for couples to have (I believe). 

BUT you must be prepared to hear what this guy might have on your Fiance. You have to love him no matter what OR be perpared to bury all of this and not ask. Maybe it’s something dumb which your Fiance thinks you’ll leave him over if you ever find out. But maybe it isn’t something dumb. 

You need to decide if ignorance is bliss or if you’ll never be happy until you know. 

Post # 38
356 posts
Helper bee

Wow, it’s kind of surprising to me how many people in this thread would put up with this ish in order to be sweet and non naggy.  I’ll be damned if FI’s friend calls me a whore and pathetic on FB and my Fiance sit there with a ‘iono’ look on his face like a punk and not only says nothing to defend me, but continues being friends with him?!  Y’all better than me on this one.

OP, did his friend at least publicly stop insulting you after your Fiance said the situation had been “handled”?

Post # 39
30 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011

I see all of the other comments, and I agree with many of them – I don’t think there is much else I could say without repeating things. It seems that you do know a little bit about how to handle the situation.

I undertand how upset you may feel though. I think a lot of people have somewhat of a crappy friend :/

In all honesty (not making excuses for this ASS, but) maybe he’s got something against being married. I know you said he was married – but maybe there is trouble in their relationship? Maybe there isn’t, but could he possibly be “in the closet” still jelous of single guys? Could be a number of things – but since he called other friend’s wives/fiances bitches and “f” them and whatnot – he clearly has  a huge problem of some sort with women….


If you are sending out “save the dates” (we never did that) then you could “lose” his STD and never let him know about it?….. I know it’s a little devious, but hey

You can also very much “lose” or “forget” about the actual wedding invitation being sent to him as well – seeing as he won’t even let you know he’s coming by sending back the response.
I have no problem being a little mean like that without becoming a big bitch lol 

Good Luck!!!

Post # 40
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@shychigirl:  For real. I feel sorry for my SO because I’m probably the naggiest nag ever compared to you girls. And he isn’t the least emasculated by anything I do or say.  I hate that word. Own your feelings!

Post # 41
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you had some harpy friend who was a bitch to people and he told you to drop her (even if you, for some reason didn’t want to), what would you say? Likely the advice here would be more along the lines of “Eww! Don’t let him tell you what to do, this is 2012, NOT 1950!” or something along those lines.

Snooping is NEVER okay. What you did was wrong. And unless you want to admit what you did, you need to drop it. Trying to bait, nag, trap, or otherwise lead him into telling you about it isn’t right. It’s a game. If you’re mature enough to get married, you’re too mature to play little kid games like that. Eiter put on your big girl panties, fess up to what you did, and then ask him about it or leave it alone. But be prepared for him to be mad and to lose some trust in you. Also prepare for him to defend his friend. 

As another poster said, fight back. I’ve fought my own battles with dick friends on a few occasions. I’m a grown wman who doesn’t let people treat me poorly. This friend is important to him for some reason. He doesn’t like you for some reason. There may be no reason behind either thing, but it just is. Don’t try to understand it. Deal with it, but deal with the stuff you personally witness. Do not throw private communication that didn’t involve you into the mix.

Post # 42
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Double Post.

Post # 43
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@nerdysarah: +1

Im pretty sure Mr. Douchebag wouldnt approve of someone calling his wife a whore.  Just a thought. 


But if you were going to say something to your Fiance, I would say something along the lines of “We are in this as a team, your my partner and if someone is hurting one of us he is hurting all of us.  I look out for your back and you for mine. If we start making exceptions for some people we open a door to each of us disrespecting the other.  I would stand up for you if the tables were turned and I hope in this case you return the favor.” 

Good luck, sending you good vibes!! 

Post # 44
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

WHO CARES IF YOU SNOOPED? seriously that’s the smallest piece of this.  Your Fiance is friends with this douche? why?  My DH would have knocked his teeth in for calling me a whore on FB.  You need your Fiance to grow a set and cut this guy out of the wedding/life.  He adds nothing to your marriage.

EDIT: snoopings always ok in my book, i mean look what you found.

Post # 45
30 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011


AMEN! he really doesn’t add anything. he doesnt even live near you guys – what harm is there for not being his freind?

The topic ‘I snooped and now I don't know how to approach this situation – LONG’ is closed to new replies.

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