WOW! Thank you for all of the feedback- you all have definitely opened my eyes and made me think of some new ways to approach this.
I think I left off some important info. My Fiance went to a military college and the people in his company were like brothers to him. Many of them are still very close, but a lot of those guys left behind Mr. Douchebag because, well, he is a disrespectul douchebag. Case in point- one of FI’s other classmates got married. He messaged Mr. Douchebag to send his response card in and Mr. Douchebag was like “I’m coming, isn’t that good enough” Mr. Nice Guy responds “well my Fiance really needs the response card in, it’s stamped, just send it in” Mr. Douchebag “f*ck that f*cking bitch, she sucks…and so & so forth” Mr. Nice Guy obviously cut ties with this guy and they haven’t spoken since- this was 8 years ago.
My Fiance was deployed during the first FB “whore” incident with limited access to email/phone, so I let it slide. But when he returned and the harassment continued (albeit, not in the same vulgar way, but one incident I wrote on FB like “Yay, I get to see my boyfriend this weekend & tagged the FI” and Mr. Douchebag was like “you’re pathetic” and just other things like that. At that point, after many tearful chats with my Fiance, he spoke to Mr. Douchebag about it. But he never told me the conversation and let me know that “it has been handled”
The weird thing is, I was cool with this man. We were living in SC & he and his wife were in Atlanta. I made two trips with the Fiance before he deployed to see them and everything was fine. I mean, yes, he was an ass, but it was more in a teasing way than anything (I cannot handle my alcohol and always go to bed at about 10pm after an hour of drinking- so I would be teased about that, no big deal). But then this switch flipped and this is how he treats me.
I think that he is jealous, in a weird way. I was living in SC & Fiance was in VA. We spent every free weekend, financial resources, etc trying to see each other, which meant taking trips to see friends was just not in the cards (for goodness sake, I only traveled home once to see my family the year we were LDR)! I think Mr. Douchebag has somehow equated Fiance not visiting to Tracy doesn’t let Fiance visit Mr. Douchebag. Which is not the case- I just am never going to go visit Mr. Douchebag ever again and Fiance isn’t going to travel without me.
When we were making our initial guest list, I did mention that I did not want to invite Mr. Douchebag because he made me uncomfortable and I didn’t know how he would behave. At this point Fiance made the comment that there would be about 15 people lining up to keep him in check and would jump at the chance to beat his ass and that this was non-negotiable- he would be invited. I really am so very uncomfortable about it, especially knowing how so much bad blood runs between him & so many of our great friends. Not to mention, I don’t want a bar room brawl at my wedding.
My Fiance is a very loyal friend and social butterfly. There are other friends of his that I don’t particularly care for invited to our wedding, but I am fine with that- none of them have disrespected me. Also, what kind of message does that send to my family & his family and our friends, who all know the situation? I spoke to FI sister about this last night and she was like, no, this is non-negotiable, he isn’t invited, I am so disappointed in my brother. To my family (especially my sister who has gotten into it with Mr. Douchebag on FB) she just can’t believe that Fiance would even want him around, much less let him attend the wedding.
Finally, and I am sorry for the rambling, I am just so upset- because aside from trivial things that couples fight about (who cleans the dishes after dinner, who walks the dog) this is the only source of contention in our relationship.
Last but not least- we got engaged in June. The text message in question was the last time they have communicated- and Fiance never responded after he said the thing about this being the biggest mistake of his life.