(Closed) I snooped and now I don't know how to approach this situation – LONG

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 63
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

OP, I could have written your post myself, minus the ‘whore comment’. My Fiance has a best friend who lives a few states away, who is the exact same way, and he is standing as best man in our upcoming wedding. he always makes the snarky comments about how we are so gross when we post lovely comments or he makes smart ass remarks about our wedding if i say anything on facebook. He asks Fiance all the time if he is sure he is making the right choice by marrying me etc.

I’ve learned to look the other way. this man is not happy in his marriage and over time, I’ve realized that more than anything, he is jealous. jealous that we are happy, jealous that Fiance has someone to love who loves him back. It doesn’t excuse the behavior and the behavior still hurts and I admit i’m scared to death over what he will say when he has to stand to give his best mans speech but Fiance has assured me that he has told his friend that bf will stay in line and he has told him that if he screws it up, their friendship is done!

Some men just never grow up, I have no advice, just sympathy, your not alone in this battle of childish bs!

Post # 64
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@MadameX:  I agree with this.  I think you should talk to your Fiance and somehow bring up his friend and how you don’t appreciate the way he treats you.  DO NOT mention the text.  Snooping through your FI’s phone/stuff is not cool at all and to fess up to it will only make your Fiance angry with you and more likely to be on the defensive about his friend.  Despite what other bees may have said…it is NEVER acceptable to snoop through your FI’s phone.  You either trust your man or you don’t.  If you don’t…why are you marrying him?  Snooping means you obviously don’t trust him. 

Post # 65
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I definitely agree with one of the other posters. I would ask your SO why he is loyal to the point where this kind of behaviour is okay. I think once you understand that then you can go from there and further explain how you feel. It is definitely unacceptable that you should have to spend more time with this person considering the way he treats you.

Post # 66
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

The whole situation sounds stupid and immature. Facebook and texting yet again seem to be the main culprit of ongoing tension when grown adults don’t want to man/woman up and say in person “cut the shit.” 

This guy doesn’t like you. Maybe he thinks you’re needy or Too Much Information about your relationship on Facebook, that’s no reason to call someone a whore. Married couples are supposed to be a united front and your Fiance needs to start acting accordingly. You are also perfectly within your rights to tell douchebag to kindly fuck off and never address him again.

Post # 67
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My fiance used to have a friend like this except he would complain to our mutual friends that I was moody and bitchy and he posted a passive aggressive post saying “no one likes your bitch gf” and I think it might have been about me. Could have been about someone else though since he talked so much shit. Anyhow his gf at the time, now ex and has become a close friend of mine thinks that he had a crush on me, was intimidated by me, and basically met his match in terms of both of us having strong characters. His scrutiny hurt me at the time and my Fiance had this strange loyalty to him, too but I realized that I wasn’t going anywhere and his friend had to get over it. They are no longer friends btw. He could only disrespect our relationship so many times before my Fiance had enough.

So my advice is to let it go and enjoy this special time in your life. Don’t let someone so insignificant steal your thunder and definitely not break you up. That’s what he wants. Don’t let some loser win. If the dbags behavior persists after the wedding, sweetly talk to your husband about how it hurts you. hopefully by then he will have had enough and put his foot down. Go enjoy this special time and pay no mind to the noise around you!

Post # 68
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

hang on a second, so some girls here think its ok for your FI’s friend to call you a bitch, a whore, stupid etc… Because he MAY be jealous wuth your relationship, and you should show sympathy for them, are you stupid or what? A five years old child probably will know that is out of way to do so, and you accept your bestman to behave that way? Somebody ever talks me that way im sure my Fiance will punch him in the face, or i will.

Post # 69
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This guy is a dickhead. He’s a selfish dickhead too which means that he’s trashing you because he sees you as a threat to his time with your Fiance.

If this were me, I would just bring this up to my Fiance by saying “Your friend is a big dickface and I wanted to see if he at least was nice enough to say congratulations without trashing me. If you love and respect me, you will shut this shit down ASAP.

 

Post # 70
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@Pixie79:  Agree 100%.

Post # 71
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you have all the support you need here… but I am going to chime in. 

The day you get married to the person you love, you should be surrounded by the people who love and support you. That is the point of the ceremony. 

He does not support this union… for whatever reason (we will go with the fact that he has his head up his ass)… so he does not need to be there. If I was you, I would place a call to him and tell him this (not the head in ass part). THEN tell your Fiance. Just explan on the most important day of your life to date, you need to be surrounded by love and support and not have any doubt that someone sitting behind you in the audience (for lack of a better word) has any misgivings about either one of you.

I think your Fiance is a stand up guy and might feel bad that everyone else has abandoned Mr Twit. It isn’t that he isn’t standing up for you. I think he is probably a very compassionate person and that is translating to this person who was supposed to be like a brother to him in the military. Don’t question the friendship… you might never figure it out… but you don’t have to begin your married life what that kind of Karma in the room.

Post # 72
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m sorry but I think the bigger problem here is not that this friend of your Fiance is treating you this way, but that your fiancé is LETTING him. This is a far bigger issue than his friend calling you a whore on Facebook. You need to communicate with your fiancé that his behavior to all this is completely unacceptable and you feel like he is picking his friend over you which is just totally effed up. I’d leave the douche to himself and focus on your fiancé and what he is going to do about this friend of his because he is putting a strain on your relationship and also your wedding. You shouldn’t have to defend yourself to this man for the stuff he has publicly called you. Your Fiance should and the fact that he doesn’t is extremely disturbing and I would personally think twice about marrying someone who doesn’t defend me to his friends (or anyone) who tries to belittle me or talk smack about me. 

Post # 73
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t mention the phone text. If you end up getting in a fight with your Fiance about privacy issues because you snoop on his phone the issue with his friend won’t be resolved and your fiance will just be mad at you. Just wait. His friend is an asshole. He WILL say or write something douchy about you on a public forum again. And when he does that is your opportunity to tell your fiance that it is the final straw.

Post # 75
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@tracyb3285:  Good luck, hun, and keep us updated.

Post # 76
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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@tracyb3285:  Yes, good luck and keep us updated. If it he doesn’t want him at the bucks night then I can’t see why he’d still want him at the wedding.

Post # 77
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@tracyb3285:  That sounds promising!  Keep us posted and GOOD LUCK!

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