- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
This is long, but I’ve got to paint the whole picture before getting advice.
So a little bit of drama went down in my house last night. I couldn’t sleep, and I just feel like crying now.My husband and I aren’t talking.
Our friends are in the process of getting divorced. We have known them for 2 years, they have never been happy, and we always thought they shouldn’t be together. The husband packed up his car and left his wife one Monday evening a few months ago. She was blind-sided (all of our friend’s were not). I knew that the guy would be leaving a few hours before his wife did/he told her. I’ve been put in the same position of knowing things before her, knowing things I am not supposed to say.
The first thing I wasn’t supposed to say (that my husband told me) was that the guy told him and his buddies that he wanted to cheat on his wife. I didn’t tell her because at the time we weren’t super close friends. I felt really bad and wanted to tell her, but I promised my husband that I wouldn’t. I did eventually tell her (after the divorce proceedings started) and she said she already knew – that her husband had told her he wanted to. Yeah, quality guy.
Saturday night the guy came to town (they now live out of town) and he texted my husband the night before saying that he would be in town with his new girl, and wanted to get a beer with the guys (and to basically show off his new girl). I told my husband that there was no way in hell that I would be going, and he could do what he wanted.
After he got home he told me the details of this new “relationship”. They met at work (our friend started this job a month before he left his wife, which was also his first job after graduating with his masters). Our friend flirted with this girl, he didn’t have a ring (he lost it months ago), then the next week he did (his ex-wife had just bought him a replacement). He / they still flirted. He moved in with the girl the day he left his wife (everyone was under the impression he moved in with a guy from work). They are already calling each other baby. So, he was basically seeing this girl before the divorce was even mentioned. He pretty much cheated (not sure when they slept together).
Yesterday afternoon I met with my girlfriend – the one who is getting divorced – and a mutual friend. I mentioned that my husband met the dude’s new girlfriend the night before. The mutual friend had no idea that her husband, who also got a beer, was going to meet the new girlfriend. The mutual friend’s husband just told her he was meeting the dude and my husband for a beer. Oh. Ok. WOW. They were both curious about the new girl. I told them everything.
Last night the dude texted my husband and asked if he told me about the new girl. He said yes, he didn’t know it was a secret. The dude then texted my husband and said “well, someone told my ex everything”. He knew that someone was me. I told my husband that yes, I told the wife/my friend that he had a new girlfriend (she already knew, her ex bragged to her). I told my husband that I told my friend they worked together, and that the dude moved in with her. My husband got mad at me for betraying our trust – he told me those things in confidence because the dude told him in confidence. My husband also said that he tells me these “secrets” (yes, about my other friend’s husbands doing things their wives don’t know) because he knows he can trust me, and that his friends don’t mind because they know they can trust me. I have felt so conflicted about knowing these secrets and not being able to say anything to my friends. It’s usually stupid things like one dude chews tobacco and his wife doesn’t know.
SOOOOO. I did the right thing with telling my friend/the ex about this new girl? Should I not have said anything? Is my husband right about being mad at me for breaking our trust/telling? I hate being in this position and have never had to deal with something like this before.