(Closed) I suggest you get premarital counseling

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I want to go to counseling. Fiance is SOOOOO laid back and I am not – I am very tightly wound, extremely jealous like you, and just an overall worry wart; so this demands tons of compromise from both of us. We do extremely well with it, but in every relationship, there will be those times where nothing works and getting counseling can definitely give you a different perspective when dealing with obstacles. 

Great post!

Post # 4
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Problem solved before it was even a problem

@thenewmrsmax:  This!  I feel that many times couseling isn’t for fixing problems, it’s for teaching you how to deal with problems as they arise.

Post # 5
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

As a couple that has had like two major fights ever (both on V-Day), I would say premarital counseling was definitely good for us!

It’s definitely not just for that couple everyone knows who seems to hate one another!

Post # 6
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We didn’t do premarital counseling. We have been together 12 years though and living together for 8 so for all intents and purposes we were already married other than on paper. Our pastor was like “usually I do counseling, but unless you feel you need it I probably wouldn’t do it in your case” haha.

However I completely agree with you. It can never hurt, so why not? I especially agree on learning about how your SO fights. That is SO important. My mother and stepfather got married very quickly (after 6 months) and had never had a fight. Oh boy did they learn a lot about each other. My mother is very aggressive and addresses an issue right away. My stepdad gives the silent treatment and would rather brush everything under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen. Doesn’t work out too great.

I think some people are adverse to premarital counseling because they think it would be like them admitting that they aren’t ready or are having some problems. When really that isnt the case at all.

Post # 7
1543 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We went to pre marital counseling and its not like its a miracle pill or anything because it takes a lot of work from there but it taught us how to fight fair and how to have constructive conversations so we don’t fight so often over stupid stuff. The communication methods they teach are great, and I love how they also go over your strengths too. It made me feel so much better about us to see how perfectly we fit together in every other area. Its great to realize how many problems you DONT have too because its makes approach the hard subjects with grace and understanding. Conflict Resolution was always a struggle for us. We had issues that would be sore subjects for years and after premarital counseling we were able to actually talk through those things and find solutions. Neither of us were raised in families that knew a darn thing about talking or resolving conflicts. Both of us came from dysfunctional families so we both knew what not to do or that what we were doing wasnt’ working but we never knew what TO do. It seems like such common sense now.

Darling Husband was against it because the word counseling just scares him but he did it cus he thought we had to… but now after wards he’s glad we did it.

I actually think its great for people who already live together because you can look back and say this was a problem, this wasn’t, etc. This works, this doesn’t – that kind of thing. Your not just trying to plan for the future and saying “hypothetically this would work great” but you are going and saying no we tried that it doesn’t work so we do X and thats works great. You can actually bring real life experience to it.

Post # 8
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

We went through 16 hours of counseling that our church requires and it was AWESOME. We were both dreading it too.

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