- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
I AM GOING TO PROPOSE TO MY BOYFRIEND!
I have made the decision and took some steps that can’t be undone, so all that remains is wait and do it. But I have to admit, I am quite scared. And I could definitely use some advice. I am hoping that the great community of WeddingBee will be able to come at “my rescue” 😉
A bit of background info first: I am 28, my Boyfriend or Best Friend is 29. We have met when I was 17 and hit it off immediately. We have been living together for amlost 2 years now.
Complication No.1: when I was younger I was (very) openly against marriage (“you don’t need a stupid paper to be happy” and “marriage is so 1983, we have a modern society now”) AND against having kids (I was feeling very immature and unprepared = scared by the responsibility so I masked my uncertanity by scorn and jokes). I found out my mother was really distressed by this (the kid thing) as she felt that she failed somewhere as a mother because I didn’t want to be one myself. I had a long chat with her and explained my fears to her and assured her I want to have kids, just not right now and I do not know when. – And everything was fine for a time. I started feeling like I might be ready for it afterall, I had a wonderful Boyfriend or Best Friend and when I thought about having kids with him, I realized it would be stupid not to marry him and have kids… Only I never told anyone, not even my Boyfriend or Best Friend, that I have changed my mind about marriage and kids. I just stopped making jokes about not marrying and having kids. And I guess nobody noticed…
Complication No.2: After almost 10 years together and 2 years living together, my Boyfriend or Best Friend broke up with me. He said he didn’t love me anymore, that he has been seeing someone else and that he can’t live the lie anymore. I was devastated. And than I managed to survive it and move on… And after 2 months apart he went to great lengths to convince me to give him a second chance… Long story short, I gave it to him and he has been trying very hard ever since. It is a little over a year since that happend. I am confident we have a future together, we have talked about some “whys” and “hows” we ended up where we did the first time and I found out he was really concerned about me not wanting kids – so now he knows I want them, we have even discussed how many and some names. I might have mentioned my opinions of marriage have changes also, but he might not have got it…
The thing is, I feel if I discuss it with him now, I am basically saying “I want to marry you, pleaso go, buy me a ring and ask me” – which is EXACTLY the same in my eyes as saying “will you marry me” – no? So, I took that thought a little farther and I ended up with the great idea of proposing to him.
I have already ordered a ring and paid for it. I am planning on carrying the ring with me and IF he proposes first, I will have a nice surprise for him. If he doesn’t propose by the end of the day of our 11th anniversary, I am going to pop the question!
The things that keep me awake are: should I tell anyone? I mean guy usually asks the girl’s father, right? Should I do something similar? Should I “warn” his mother and/sibling I am going to propose? My family? Should I check with his best friend if she thinks he wouldn’t mind? She knows him very very well and he talks with her about stuff he would not even discuss with me – I am totally not the talkative type – so I think she might give me a hint if he has some plans or something, maybe? Stupid idea? Please let me know what you think!
To make up for a long-ish post, I present you with my choice of ring for my Boyfriend or Best Friend. It is damasteel (like mokume-gane/damascus steel but stainless) hand-forged to order.