(Closed) I "taught your kid a lesson in manners"

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 77
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It will be interesting when she licks or smacks the bum of the wrong person, and gets a smack back. O.o

It makes me crazy when people let their kids run wild. These are so often the same parents who then can’t understand when their kids grow up to be rude, impossible teens/adults. Maybe you think it’s cute when they’re 6, but when they’re 16, suddenly it’s not so cute any more.

OP, if you get no back-up from the parents, there’s not a lot you can do. I do think you should speak up for yourself with children (“I don’t like it when you try to lick me. Don’t do that.” “Please do not touch me there. It’s not a game and it’s not appropriate.” Repeat as often and loudly as necessary) but don’t get your hopes up too much. If you don’t see them terribly often, you don’t see them enough to make much of a difference, unfortunately. It’s a shame, but there it is. 

You could always just be straight with the parents “I’m leaving because your kids are out of control. This isn’t a pleasant environment. Your children are touching my husband and I inappropriately, and it makes us extremely uncomfortable” but they probably wouldn’t hear you anyway.  

Post # 78
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@vmec: I have been thinking about similar issues recently! A few of my friends have toddlers and I have been hanging out with them with my baby, and they have been less well behaved than I would like but I haven’t said anything! (wanted to though). 

Post # 79
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@vmec: Yes! It is actually an issue I am encountering now! It sucks 🙁

Post # 80
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@vmec:  I completely understand getting frustrated with unruly children, but I think there are limits to how someone who is not a parent/immeadiate family member can discipline them. Saying something along the lines of ‘excuse me but I was playing with that’ in a polite voice is, I believe, all that is warranted from a stranger. If you don’t like the way the parents raise their children, its probably best to limit your interactions with them. Granted, it sounds like the parents need to step up but snatching the toy back and wanting to spill wine on the child is extremely childish.

Post # 81
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

The way I see it, when the problem knocks on my door and mom and dad don’t do anything to stop it, it is my call to fix the issue however I see fit. Of course whithin reason and not harming the child. 

 

Having the kid lick someone despite the person asking them to stop many times and also grabbing someone’s butt is not only inappropriate but also crosses any and all boundaries of personal space. 

 

I would definitely call them on those things loud and clear so everyone can hear and then proceed to leave. I wouldn’t be surprised if mom gets mad for their child to be scolded. But not everyone has to put up with the bad behavior and stay mum!

 

Post # 82
Member
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m a teacher so I help kids learn manners all the time…and these aren’t babies, they’re high school FRESHMAN. “Student, please don’t put your hands on me. You don’t touch someone unless they give you permission.”; “Student, the shouting isn’t necessary.”; “Student, it’s never okay to make fun of someone/scream for no reason/put that highlighter down your pants…” Really?! I just don’t understand not holding kids accountable for their behavior and the choices they make. How are we helping them grow up to be respectful, responsible people if we don’t? I guess it’s more acceptable for family or authority figures (teachers, etc.) to do this than strangers. Not sure how parents would react to that…

Post # 83
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

I would not hesitate to say any of those things you offered in your first post! I was a nanny and babysitter for several years, and it was generally an unwritten rule that I was to verbally explain to them why their behavior was wrong, and I could even punish them by having them go to time out, or not have TV for an hour, or whatever. 

Spanking or anything physical was never my place, since I was not the parent. 

Post # 84
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@vmec:  ok im sorry but am i nuts or is anyone else freakishly apauled that the girl LICKED WINE OFF THE COUCH??? WHAT THE EVER LOVING HECK!! NO ONE STOPPED A KID FROM LICKING WINE!!! excuse me?!! Are you freaking serious!! shes 8…and no one stoped her from consuming alcohol….granted she wasnt drinking it out the glass….but the kid ingested wine, no matter how little….no one stopped her….OMG is all I can say….yeah the rest is naughty and they need to correct that…but really everyone just let the kid lick up wine?!?!

Post # 85
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@kansas_nurse:  +1

 

 

 

And just wondering, did it occur to anyone that all of the inappropriate physical stuff – trying to kiss adults, licking, grabbing of butts – are these kids being abused? It’s common for sexually abused small children to act out sexually.  Frown

 

Post # 86
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Mrs. Myrtle Beach:  Im glad im not the only one thinking of that….and apauled by the wine thing!! still in shock!

Post # 87
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@vmec:  ahh. I would not be okay with my kids doing this. That’s ridiculous.

It kind of reminds me of a situation my sister told me about:

My sister and her 2 daughters were just walking to their car coming out of the grocery store. my nieces are always told to have one hand on the car or cart while my sister puts the groceries away, well, my niece who just turned 3 at the time decides to RUN in the parking lot. Some random guy jumps in front of her and goes “RAAAAWWWWR” with an angry face. hahaha so my niece runs back to the car scared. My sister thanked him.

My niece has never run away in parking lot again. I think some kids can be shy around people they don’t know, so in this instance, a stranger “scaring” her back to her mom worked perfectly. If myself or my sister tried to do the same thing, she would have ran further.

To conclude, I think discipline works better when conducted by someone other than the parent, or close family, so I would be VERY happy if you said something to my child. However some parents are dumb and think their asshole children deserve to wear an invisible (or real) crown at all times and may not feel the same way and hate you for it.

 

Post # 89
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

I am a nanny, and I seriously don’t fool around with bad manners and the whole copycat game. I grew up in an area where children respected adults, and where I’m working now is an area where the kids get whatever they want, say whatever they want, and do whatever they want, but they know not to act like that around me, and actually they will appreciate you for it in the long run. I watch a 7 year old girl, and I know I’m a lot more strict with her than her mom and dad ever are, but she hugs me all the time and LOVES when I tell her something like, “you were good, you can invite your friend over!” 

I’m the kind of person that can control most situations with the children, but the other day she really just crossed a line. Instead of getting off of the bus and coming straight to my car she ran down the street away from me. I had to leave my car, with keys, running in the street because of the way people drive on the street she gets dropped off on I couldn’t even risk it. I caught up with her. She was in front of people, so I wasn’t going to say anything until we got home, but she threw a major tantrum in the neighbor’s yard! I was just shocked. She thought I would just let her stay there. I then got to drag her through the yard and back up the street kicking and screaming. Needless to say when we got home she was upset with me, and started SCREAMING at the top of her lungs. I’m just thinking okay obviously you do this with your mom and dad and get a response, so I just went on about my busines ignoring her until she shut up. I even went so far as texting her mom to tell her about the bad behavior, what response do I get? “Oh, that’s odd! Tell her she’s going to her friend’s house tonight! That will make her happy.” Great, she gets a reward. Finally she stopped screaming and was just so happy we had a great rest of the evening!

I also hate when parents baby their children. So often I see a kid stub their toe or some other injury that isn’t bad at all. They, of course, start screaming at the top of their lungs. I don’t even think they know why half the time, but they know they can get a response. Mommy and daddy come running with bandaids (no blood), candy, whatever. I always just ask, “Are you okay? Yes? Will you survive? Yes? Do I need to call the ambulance? No? Okay, then we’re good to go!” It works every single time!

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