- 5 years ago
Hey Ladies! This is going to be a little vent, so I hope you don’t mind 😉
I was friends with this girl in HS (I’ve been out of HS for some time, graduated in 2006) and a few years ago we reconnected. She was a photographer and I was just getting into photography. I helped shoot some weddings and a friendship started. At first things were fine, I moved to Utah & we continued to be good friends. We’d talk everyday (texting) and then eventually things started to turn sour. This “friend” started talking bad about my SO & my best friend. She would tell me that if my SO really cared about me he would have already proposed (keep in mind that she had never met my SO before). She also had started to pressuring me into giving him an ultimatum.
A little back story: She gave her Boyfriend or Best Friend an ultimatum and this is how it went down: she wrote a note of her wedding dreams/life goals, all very specific. She then gave it to her Boyfriend or Best Friend of a few months. It basically demanded that they get married, or they stop ending. Point blank. So, she gives him this note & goes to take a shower, she tells him that if he’s still there when she gets out, she knows where he stands. She gets out of the shower – and he’s still there. He proposed a couple months later. Threw together a wedding (not my words, hers) and voila, they were married.
So, she tells me that I should lay down the law for my SO. Just like she did. I tell her that if I did that to my SO he would be totally freaked out. For one, that’s not how I want to go about things, secondly, that’s not either of our personalities. It’s just not for us. Even though some days I want to give an ultimatum, I know that I’d regret it down the road. So, after she tells me this she also tells me that she thinks my SO was using me. For what you ask? My money. I about died laughing. At this point, I was barely making ends meet. I had no more in savings then he did. We were pretty much “equal.” All of this rocked my world. Here was a girl, that I trusted making very rash & quick judgments on someone I had been with for a while (at this point 2.5 years) and I didn’t know what to think. Was this a good friend trying to be honest with me so I didn’t get hurt? Or was she being mean & jealous?
Another side note: Her marriage was not so great, she would complain to me often about how she didn’t like x, x, & x about her husband. It even got to the point where she was willing to divorce him if her ex would divorce his wife & take her back.
This goes on for months to a year. Her feeding me that I had been waiting to long, and that he wasn’t serious & what was his deal. Blah, blah, blah. I eventually divulged all of this to my best friend. She stopped me in the middle of my rant & tells me, “Why are you letting her talk to you like this? K is not using you. I know you & him very well. He loves you. He’s just doing things on his own timeline. It will happen & I know you know that in your heart.”
After this conversation with the Boyfriend or Best Friend, I decided to end things with the other girl. She was sucking the life out of me… Fast forward 7 months. This girl & I haven’t spoken for 7 months. She emails me out of the blue Monday, apologizing. I decided to email her back and we exchange a few emails. Things started to get weird. All her emails seemed fabricated & overly fake. Then they went to bragging. She bought a house, lost weight, they are vegetarian, her & her husbands’ relationship has never been better, her business is growing, they are running nightly… The list goes on. I don’t doubt that she’s feeling good about where she is. BUT – why did an apology turn into a bragging spree? I decided to seek advice from a 3rd girl, who I met here & have become very close with. She’s never met this girl & really knows nothing about her. After I give her the details and let her read the emails she tells me “She hasn’t changed. I think she just wanted to brag – so that you knew she was doing SO well, without you.”
Then… the real, HUGE, shocker came. She asks me “Do you think she’s the reason you have anxiety over your current waiting situation?”
Back-story: SO bought the ring 12 weeks ago. I know he has it, he doesn’t know I know. I’ve been very impatient, but trying to be patient. I’ve had good waiting days, but more bad. I’ve been overly emotional – we are talking crying at work. Afraid he’s not really serious, the whole 9 yards.
I about fell out of my chair.
Holy freaking crap.
Yes. Yes, now it all makes sense. I’ve treated this waiting situation SO poorly. I know it’s normal to have good & bad days, but even on my worst days the Boyfriend or Best Friend couldn’t talk me out of it. She’d remind me that he has the ring, that he’s chosen to propose & that he has a plan – that I just need to let him do this thing. I couldn’t ever wrap my head around that. Instead, I would jump to conclusions that I needed to give an ultimatum, that he didn’t really want to get married, that I had forced him. That IF he really wanted to get married, why would he have the ring for 12 weeks?? WHY? I would cry at work, I would sulk at home. I would get depressed… And now it all makes sense. This girl totally screwed up my way of thinking & the worst part? I let her do it.
I feel SO liberated now. My outlook has changed & whenever I revert to my old way of thinking I talk myself out of it.
He has the ring. I love him. He loves me. We’re each others best friend. We WILL be getting married. It IS going to happen. It might not happen as soon as I want it to, but it’s going to. He has a plan. I MUST trust that.
As a result, I decided to stop e-mailing this ex-friend back. I don’t think it’s a wise decision to bring her back in my life…
And now, I’m going to wait, as patiently as I can 🙂
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I feel so much better! <3