Post # 1
My boyfriend’s younger sister broke up with her husband a few months ago and had a new boyfriend like right away. I actually think she was seeing this guy on the side before the separation, but whatever. She officially filed for divorce the day before yesterday.
Last night we had dinner with my boyfriend’s family. It was the first time we’d seen any of them since we got engaged so they were asking questions about the wedding and stuff. Every time we started talking about it, the new guy would steer the conversation to how serious him and my boyfriend’s sister are (they’re living together already). He even started talking about *their* future wedding, and she’s not even divorced yet! She sent the papers in the DAY before! And he was dropping little comments about family members that I don’t think he has even met yet, acting like he knows them or something.
I felt like he was trying to one-up me in some way. I was taken aback, and later after we went home I started feeling annoyed. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a decade at this point, so I know I shouldn’t be bothered by his attempt at competing with me, if he’s even doing that at all– it’s probably all in my head. And then I feel petty for even caring about this. He seems like a nice guy and his eagerness to settle down with the sister is none of my concern.
Would this bother any of you? How do I get over myself and stop caring about this nonsense? It’s been bugging me all day.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t take it personally. There are always people who try to turn conversations around to talk about themselves. Just have to ignore it.
Post # 4
@lampshade: That would rub me the wrong way too. Who does he think he is? You’ve earned your place. He hasn’t.
Post # 5
Yup. And any guy who would move in with a woman before she files for divorce… i dont know… it’s a little odd. Men don’t usually try to rush into a committment. I would be super annoyed and probably would have been rude to him. As a parent, I would be concerned by someone so eager.
Post # 7
He is young and infatuated with the sister so I think he is just really gung-ho right now and going a little overboard with things.
It wouldn’t have bothered me if he kept changing the subject to something else entirely when we were talking about the wedding– a lot of people don’t find wedding chitchat very interesting. But every single time, he would start talking about his relationship with the sister and act like they’ve been together forever or something. It was weird and it put me off.
Post # 8
how young is young?
That’s a little rude to try to steal your spotlight, IMO.
Post # 9
My boyfriend and I are in our late 20s, so there’s not that much of an age difference, but we have been together since we were younger than him (we were 19 and 20). By the time we were his age we’d been dating for a few years already and we still weren’t thinking about marriage, nevermind after we were dating for only a couple months. I just don’t get it, I guess!
Post # 10
Maybe he realizes the situation isn’t ideal and is just trying to make himself look good.
Post # 11
I’m guessing you aren’t the only one that probably noticed her new boyfriend’s odd behaviour too. Did you speak to your SO about it at all? I’d be annoyed at it too, but honestly just ignore him. Just speak about the wedding to SO’s parents and not around his sister and her new bf.
Post # 12
When I had been dating DH for around three years, one of my fickle best friends started dating this guy who made a lot of money but had a stressful career (successful indie video game designer). They were “so in love” because he spent a ton of money on her. Within two months she was asking me if it would be okay if they got married before DH and me (likeI care). She also went on and on about how their two month relationship was stronger than ours and they moved in together within three months of dating. Yes, it bothered me a great deal but she’s just competitive that way. Anyway, 3.5 months after they started dating and two weeks after they moved in together, they had a terrible break up where he actually paid her off. He writes about what a mistake she was and what a horrible and controlling girl she is online. He even went so far as to say that she was the worst girlfriend he has ever had and he’s had girls cheat on him.
Well my point is that people like this are annoying but just wait and see. These things have a tendancy not to work out.
Post # 13
@lampshade: I would say, this is perfect outlet to vent concerns and to try not to take it too personally or bring it up with Fiance or family. But I will say, listen to your little inklings, and if you’re feeling even a little of that competitiveness on some level, it probably does exist in one way or another. I don’t think it’s all in your head! Unless he becomes rude or condescending or disrespectful in any way, I wouldn’t make it an issue. Just come on here and vent!
Post # 14
It wouldn’t bother me. I would probably just laugh at it quietly to myself.
Post # 15
Maybe he’s not trying to compete and he genuinly interested in marrying your SIL or he is trying to show her parents that he genuinely cares about her and is serious. Try to be happy for them, even if they do get engaged, it won’t take away from your wedding and marriage.