Post # 30
If you’re against it as vehemently as you’re saying you are, then you don’t think he’s perfect and you shouldn’t marry him. Either accept it fully or break it off because you can’t live your whole life expecting or wanting him to change. That won’t end well for either one of you.
Post # 31
He won’t stop unless he wants to stop. I am very pro-weed legalization but I don’t smoke it, or anything else. I would not marry a pothead, to be quite blunt. I would postpone the wedding until he has been clean a year. You can’t make him quit, you can’t love him enough to make him quit, you have some decision making to do.
Post # 32
He is addicted to marijuana.
If you can’t live with that, you need to end it or help him seek treatment. He probably won’t take it seriously and he sounds like he’s in denial, so that will make ‘broaching the subject’ of ‘you’re an addict and you need help’ difficult, if not impossible.
I am saying this as a woman who has been in recovery for over a year from alcohol abuse.
Good luck Bee.
Post # 34
Smoking to that extent would be an issue for me. Do you even know how he is when he’s sober? If you were so against it, you really should’ve made it known from the beginning because now to him it’s going to be something you’re against all of a sudden. “When you met me you knew I smoked and you were fine with it”.
Marriage isn’t always easy and fun conversations, you gotta be able to talk about the things that bother you. You really need to have this talk with him, but he has to be willing to want to quit. If not, I think it’s best for you both to move on.
Post # 35
Hello, fairly heavy recreational user here (legal in my state).
You are majorly against it which is fine, it’s not for everyone. It’s an offending odor and difficult to talk to someone who is always high. You tried to be OK with it and you are just not.
He is not planning to stop any time soon. I have a lot of friends that smoke and there is a difference between someone who says they want to cut down and they want to stop. The ones saying cut down do not have any intention of stopping. If you threaten him to stop or you leave, he’s going to sneak around when he’s with his friends and you will be like his mom sniffing him when he comes in the door. It’s something he has to choose on his own, maybe he will grow out of it, maybe he won’t.
Can you have a nice job and get married and buy a house being a smoker? Sure, I’m living proof. But it takes someone who has discipline and goals still. And at the end of the day, do you want your house smelling like pot? Have you talked about if he would stop once you guys had kids?
I think a smoker and non smoker can absolutely be together, but you have to be on the same page about a lot of things and have a level of respect and boundaries. It just doesn’t sound like you guys share the same view on this subject.
Post # 36
Congratulations on your sobriety! It is a hard road, no? Hard at times but super rewarding!! I, too, am in recovery from Ambien abuse and alcohol abuse, but Ambien was WAAAAAY worse for me.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding from one October bride to another!
Post # 37
THANK YOU my friend and congratulations to you as well! It was very difficult for the first 3-5 months. Then it started leveling out the more help I got and the more I opened up about my past.
I also accept that my addiction doesn’t make me who I am…and also trying to figure out who I am without my addiction was hard at times but starting to make more sense now. 🙂 It has been good though and very rewarding. Thank you for your kindness!!
Post # 38
weed is not addicting , he is doing this because he wants to.
Post # 39
You can’t do anything about his addiction. You either are ok with who he is now, or it is time to move on. There is no way to change someone else, and you shouldn’t stay with someone for their “potential.”
My husband was a pot head for a long time. He actually stopped and is completely sober now. He didn’t get sober until he was in his 40’s. It was something he did. He had professional help, but it was all decision all his work.
My mom is a pothead and she is in her late 60’s. I’m sure she will never stop. It was something that bothered me a lot when I was a kid. It’s hard to have you parent always stoned. (She also sold it and got into legal problems.) If you’re planning on having kids, consider what it will be like for them.
Post # 40
Weed is indeed addicting. Please look at the article I posted earlier.
Post # 41
I was in a similar situation to you, albiet he ended up cheating on me and marrying the person which is a whole other story. My ex and I were together for just under 5 yrs. He was a full blown pot head and totally said “if you can’t accept it then this isn’t going to work” early on in the relationship. I liked him so much that I looked past it.
Well, eventually it did start to really bother me. I smoke maybe twice a year, I’m much more of a social drinker. But, it got to the point where he would do it first thing in the morn, when he got home from work, after dinner, before bed etc. It slowly killed my attraction. He wasn’t super lazy, but it was like living with a giant man child. He just became “dumber” , and when he got around his friends they would roll joint after joint after joint. I would literally be in a coma if I smoked that much.
It made me wonder about his lungs, health and how he would be when he was old. He made terrible decisions and I also wondered if that happened to be because he was fried or just so numb from the weed that he didn’t care about anything aka. Buying a house with me and then cheating on me all in one month.
If this bothers you now, nip it in the butt, it will not change. My ex quit for a bit, but eventually went right back to it. Has he quit for this new girl (my exes now wife!?) No idea,, prob not because I think it’s so entrenched in who he is. Eventually the weed smoking will kill your attraction for him and just annoy you every time you see his glazed eyes, speaking from my own feelings. If you can’t accept it or are against it, he either needs to compromise or you really need to reevaluate what you want in a long term partner