(Closed) I think crazy runs in my family…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

*hugs* I’m sorry that she’s putting you through this. It sounds as if she’s jealous of your Future Mother-In-Law. Maybe try sitting down with her and telling her that you live her and appreciate her but that it hurts you when she treats you that way.

Props to you for not yelling either. I would’ve gotten very upset and yelled.

Hope it gets sorted out soon. x

Post # 5
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Bellanouva: I just hope you’re feeling better. But you are def. not nuts! It’s hard sometimes, I think, for mums to let go and maybe she’s just going the wrong way about it? I don’t know but I def. think talking to her will help. Good luck Sweetie.

Post # 7
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Bellanouva: *BIG HUGS* Good Luck Sweetie.

Post # 8
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I just wanted to say that I unfortunately know exactly how you feel. My mom constantly lashes out at me b/c I am her only daughter. If there is anything going wrong with either of my brothers, my dad, her sister…she takes it all out on me. I was reading through your post, and I could’ve written it. I don’t live at home, but even though I don’t, I still get screamed at, cursed at and hung up on at times and it just baffles me. I’ll try to think back to what I did to set my mom off, but there’s no explanation.

It’s really hard, b/c you want to be a good daughter, and your mom makes you feel like you’re the worst daughter in the world. In reality, you mom is very lucky to have someone like you in her life, and this is her way of controlling a situation. She’s lashing out b/c she’s losing you to someone else. She’s jealous that your Future Mother-In-Law does like you, and she’s worried that she’ll replace her. So she’s treating you horribly to try to make you come groveling back for her approval. This is a tactic my mom uses CONSTANTLY. It’s emotionally exhausting, and I’m so sorry you also have to go through it.

I just wanted to lend you some support and tell you that you aren’t alone! I hope things get better for you, and hopefully, you can move out of your parents’ house soon.

Post # 11
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Bellanuova

I 2nd that you are not alone.  This sounds remarkably familiar to me.  All I can say is from what you’ve described you’ve handled it as well as possible.  And once you are on your own with your own husband and small family you will be able to dictate the terms under which you see her.  This little revelation has made the relationship between my mother and myself an entirely new (and fairly pleasant) animal. 

The behavior you’ve described (paranoia, picking sides, accusations, irrationality, storming in on your room) are all things I went through.  And now that my mother and I haven’t lived under the same roof for 6 years things are better. 

Your mother will always be who she is, but once you are out of her house you CAN decide how much contact you want with her.  You owe it to yourself and your health (mental and physical) to set boundaries that are appropriate for the given personalities.  It’s a shame that it has to be this way, but be strong, keep doin’ what you’re doin’ and persevere.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow…are our mothers sisters? Seriously! My mom won’t talk to me for days, but when she decides that she’s lectured me enough or that she’s over whatever just happened, I have to magically be over it too. Heaven forbid I actually be angry at her for the way she treats me!

I could seriously go on for hours about this. I think you’re handling it as gracefully as you can until you can move out.

Post # 14
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@Bellanouva: Do we have the same moms? Now that my siblings and I have all moved out, things have improved. But for most of my life, my mom behaved exactly like yours. I havent lived at home in over 5 years, and I still get hysterical calls from my mom. My personal favorite was when she called last year to let me know she was “canceling Christmas”. She wanted me to know that we were terrible children and we hurt her deeply. To this day, I am not sure how we hurt her…since prior to that we had made plans for the day and everything was fine.

My family actually went to counseling for about a year to work through some issues because things got so bad. We stopped going for insurance reasons, but I wish we could have continued because it was finally starting to work. A lot of issues were around the fact that we talked to family members that she doesn’t get along with. My mom felt a lot of jealousy and took it out on us as extreme anger. The hardest part was that my family is extremely small, and if I cut out everyone that she doesn’t get along with…I would be left with no family 🙁

I dont have advice for you, but I do understand what its like. My mom still has some bad days, but like I said, things are getting better. I hope when you move back out your relationship with your mom will improve as well. Good luck

Post # 16
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

mine is exactly the same … she is insane!! she calls me the same names and treats me the same way and its not coz shes sad to see me go … its always been like this for me, prob since i finished school and have been semi independent … she has noone but my dad and my brother in her life and she is so unhappy and resentful that im doing so much more now in my life than she has in hers that she hates me for it.

 

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