I think he had an affair

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

I’m so sorry this is happening to you.  Definitely sounds like cheating in one form or another.  Maybe sleep on a friend’s couch until he’s ready to admit what is really going on?  Or ask him to share his location with your phone because of the recent loss of trust.

Post # 3
Member
912 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

Sending love and hugs. 

Post # 4
Member
849 posts
Busy bee

Even if he’s totally innocent and “helping a female coworker install her TV” is the actual truth, surely he’d still be able to understand how inappropriate it was to lie to you, and how that whole situation looks. Demanding proof of his loyalty shouldn’t be a surprise to him regardless of the situation. Don’t let this go, this isn’t how committed husbands should act. 

Post # 5
Hostess
8547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

I am so sorry – him deleting everything sounds sketchy. Also, in what world is hiding the truth ever better than just being honest. 

Post # 6
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Yeah. I think he cheated 

Post # 7
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee

Yes, he’s cheating.

Also, kick him to the couch. You shouldn’t have to be the one to leave your home.

Post # 8
Member
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I’m so sorry OP! If there was nothing to hide, he wouldn’t have lied or deleted his history. If you would have been upset about him installing a female co-workers TV, he shouldn’t have done it. Even IF he was doing what he said he was doing, he still lied and turned it around on you “I HAD to lie, because YOU would have been mad”… instead of just not doing the thing that would have upset you in the first place. 

Post # 9
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Sooo sorry bee but yeah, he’s being sketchy.  That never ends well.  

Right now process what you can and make no decisions until you know what you want to do next, either confront or confirm or nothing at all…..but listen to your gut.  Its not lying to you.  Good luck and so many hugs!

Post # 10
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Regardless of whatever he was doing with the other woman, lying and hiding contact with her is a violation of trust in itself. You can pursue the details of his relationship with her, but even if there is nothing beyond installing her TV, do not let him turn it around on you. You were not concerned over nothing; you were concerned over his suspicious behavior that was intentionally evasive and secretive.

Again, his contact with her became inappopriate when he decided he needed to lie about it, regardless of additional signs of emotional or physical infidelity. 

Post # 11
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

It takes like three minutes to install a TV, this isn’t the 90s, every new appliance is smart, so the fact that he was so late in coming home is BS. I’m so sorry this is happening to you but I think you need to trust your gut on this one. 

Post # 12
Member
4053 posts
Honey bee

I’m sorry, I think you’re right that he’s having an affair. He’s making all the classic moves: “I didn’t tell you because you’d be upset” “I was only installing a TV for hours” and deleting history. He’s probably got his phone locked and messages scrubbed. 

It’s a horrible situation to find yourself in. Some will say go to marriage counseling but counseling with an unrepentant liar is not a good plan. You might want to go to counseling yourself to clarify your options here. He’s just given you a ticket to end the marriage, it’s up to you if you want to use it.

Post # 13
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Ah, I’m so sorry this is happening to you! Be strong. Sending hugs. 

Post # 14
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Go with your gut bee. Classic “I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you would be upset”. Then to delete his history. I am so sorry bee. Big hugs to you. You know he did there is no guessing. He made a huge mistake and he got busted, one thing don’t let him turn this on you. Because he will. 

Post # 15
Member
587 posts
Busy bee

Trust. Your. Gut. 

I’m so sorry. Whatever you choose to do, you will survive this. But please know you are worth more than someone who values *themselves* so little to cheat. 

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