I think he had an affair

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
807 posts
Busy bee

missgypsy :  “Honey, I have a female coworker who asked for my help with installing a new TV. If you’re not comfortable with it, I’ll tell her I can’t do it, and to ask someone else.” 

He lied to you. Any honest partner would have let you know beforehand, or would have turned her down right away if he knew it would make you uncomfortable. 

My question to you is why don’t you trust your husband to help a female coworker? If my fiancé told me he was asked by a female coworker for a favor, I wouldn’t have an issue with it at all; he knows this, but he would still ask me out of respect, and I do the same for him. I’m guessing this isn’t the first time he’s done something to make you question his loyalty. 

Post # 17
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee

Whether he cheated or not, hiding things like he has is not a good look. 

This could be a permanent end to your trust in him, and deleting his history and barring you access? That’s not making things any better. 

He’s aiding in confirming your gut feelings. Take care of yourself, Bee. Hugs. 

Post # 18
Member
909 posts
Busy bee

Yea trust your gut. The deleting history to me is proof he is guilty.

This might be terrible advice but I would contact the coworker. Its innapropriate for her to ask him to install anything at her place if true. But I am not buying the story at all. If you didn’t check his location on google you would have never known. God knows what else he has been up to.

So sorry bee. 

Post # 20
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2020 - Hampton, VA

bearinabeecostume :  But…he didn’t give her the chance to determine whether or not she trusted him. He just lied and then deleted his history.

 

missgypsy :  If he had truly only gone to fix her TV, he would not have had anything else in his history to delete and hide from you.. if that was the truth, and the truth was out, you’d think he’d want to keep his history to prove that to you.

I’m so sorry bee. Trust your gut. This is just not the truth no matter how he tries to manipulate you.

Post # 21
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Montego Bay, Jamaica

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this 🙁 I actually have a friend who found out her husband was cheating because of his google account. You don’t happen to know his password do you? At this point all snooping is fair game in my opinion! 

Post # 22
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

missgypsy :  I hate to be the person to jump to immediate cheating conclusions but honestly I dont see another explanation when his location was at an apartment.. 

I am so sorry. You need to confront him and kick him out he can find elsehwere to stay whiile this is sorted

Post # 23
Member
10587 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

missgypsy :  

I couldn’t tell you the truth because it would have upset you.

Bee, this is so loaded.  It’s also a classic.  He is deflecting responsibility for his lie of omission onto you, instead of taking responsibility for his own behavior.

That’s gaslighting.

We see this too often and it never bodes well.

Post # 24
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

Hiding things makes stuff 100% worse and obviously you’re perfectly within your right to be upset. Any honest person would have just said “Hey x colleague needs a TV installed alright?” There’s no need to hide that information. 

Post # 25
Member
1159 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

Oh Bee, I’m so sorry.

I would be absolutely livid if my spouse pulled something like this and then tried to pull the “I didn’t tell you because you’d be upset” line on me. My rule is and always has been that if you think I’ll be upset, that’s your clue not to do the thing at all, not an excuse to lie or hide it from me. That is NEVER okay. Don’t believe him for a second.

Based on what you’ve said here, he’s likely already cheating or well on his way to it. I can’t think of a single other reason for a husband to not be where he says he’ll be, lie about where he was when confronted, shift blame to “I didn’t want you to be upset” when the truth does come out, and then remove all evidence of what he’s been doing on his laptop for who knows how long.

If it looks like poop and smells like poop…it’s probably poop.

 

Post # 26
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

missgypsy :  If you go to her house, you’d see the TV is probably not newly installed.

He slipped up, allowing his location to get tagged, where he was either intending to or already has done something shady.

Look at what he’s doing, not saying. Deleting history is a classic move by cheaters. He may as well confess now.

Post # 27
Member
261 posts
Helper bee

Yes, I have no doubt he’s cheating.  Some men will deny forever even when the evidence is so clear.  He may never admit to it, but you know what he did.

Post # 28
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It doesn’t take hours to “install” a tv. What? Plug it in. Set some passwords. 15 minutes, tops. 

Post # 29
Member
2760 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

missgypsy :  I call bullsht, hours to install a tv, then he deletes? Yeah right, he’s definitely cheating. If you need *further* proof for yourself,  pull his cell phone records,  (whoever owns the acct at att/Verizon etc can do this, even if it’s not you if you know his password you can sign in on line as him) Look for recurrent text/calls from a number you don’t recognize.  Get this co workers name too…

Post # 30
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

The deeper issue is why he felt the need to lie, even if it was a “white lie”. Why did he feel the need to control the situation and not trust you would be ok, if that’s all it was.

 

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