Post # 1
Hi Bee’s It’s been a while since I last posted. Here’s another long post.
My bf and I have been together for 5 amazing easy years. We are in the process of buying a home together and taking that next step but I don’t know exactly where it all went wrong, everything was GREAT. It feels as if a blind fold was taken off my eyes and I am now able to see for the first time. I didn’t feel this way at all before, I was genuinely happy with no negative doubt in my mind. Now I have millions of doubts and no idea as to why now, all I keep asking myself is what did I do wrong, did I do something to make him not love me anymore.
He is very secretive, always keeps his phone with him at alllll time. It was never like that before. He doesn’t let me see or hold it at all. He is rude and constantly making me feel bad about myself and making me feel unwanted, ignored and I have self-esteem issues so I know that doesn’t make it any better. He makes me think he’s at home sleeping but he’s out with “friends” I know bc he confessed it to me and when I asked why he can’t jst tell me he’s going out, his response was he has a right to have a life outside of our relationship and Its none of my business what he does. I totally agree, we should be able to go out with friends and have alone-time but I think it’s only right to keep each other in the loop. When he said that, my heart shattered into millions of pieces. He never cares to know what I am doing, when I go out with my friends but I still tell him jst out of respect and you know to keep my bf in the loop. I voiced my frustrations and asked if he could tell me going forward. He said no. I haven’t seen him all week and we’ve hardly spoken so I decided to surprise him last night. I went over his house. I didn’t see his car parked out front but I figured it was parked further down the street like he sometimes does when there isn’t any parking. I knocked on the door and his dad answered. Told me he wasn’t home but I could go and see for myself or stay and wait for him. I politely said no it’s ok I jst wanted to surprise him bc I haven’t seen him. So I left and I called him, no answer. I sent him a text, no answer. He replied to my text 3hrs later and said sorry he missed my calls he was sleeping, he obviously didn’t talk to his dad when he got home. So this dude jst got caught up!! I didn’t call him out right away. He text me this morning like nothing, he is being his sweet self. I am scared to know the truth but I need to know if he is cheating on me. I know the red flags are all there but I am jst hoping that hes not cheating. I know I love this man with all my heart. I have no doubt about that, I knew he was the one for me from the first time I met him but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t take my feelings into consideration and is making me feel unwanted.
I jst wanted to vent, I am going to confront him tonight and I am beyond terrified bc I know he is going to try and make himself look like the victim and make me feel bad. But I need to stand up for myself. I need answers. As much as it will hurt, I will end our relationship in a heart beat if he doesn’t give me answers. I just hope it doesn’t come to that and if it does, it does. We will reunite if its really meant to be.
Wish me luch ladies…
Post # 2
I don’t know if I could be with someone who can lie so easily then add him acting like a douche? No thank you. Good luck bee!
Post # 3
I’m sorry, bee. TBH does it matter if he’s cheating or not? He sounds like a terrible partner. Hold a higher bar than cheating. You deserve to feel loved, to not be lied to, to feel taken care of and listened to. That’s not asking a lot of a person at all. You deserve better, and you need to know that. Sending you strength and hugs!
Post # 4
I guess my question is why are you still holding on ? This seems over. You don’t spend any time together, he is avoiding you and lying to you…would rather be anywhere else but with you.
Move on girlfriend and find you a man that wants to be with you.
Post # 5
Even if he wasn’t cheating – why would this be the type of person you would want to be with? You deserve better than a liar and someone who puts you down.
Post # 6
Aww sorry Bee. It doesn’t look promising. You don’t need luck, you just need to remember how awesome you are and that it’s his loss.
Post # 7
I’m sorry this is happening. You can confront him, but do you think he will tell you the truth? You can’t control him but you can control your own actions, and whether he’s cheating or not, the current situation is simply not good enough for you. I think you should tell him that, and stand your ground. Whatever happens, you deserve better than this xo
Post # 8
Cheater or not, he doesn’t seem or sound like the type of man you want to marry.
Post # 9
I’m sorry bee. I agree with PPs, even if he’s not cheating, you deserve to be treated better than this. Stay strong!
Post # 10
I agree with the PPs too – regardless of whether he’s cheating, he isn’t treating you in a loving and respectful way! He’s not worth it!
Post # 11
clove22 : “I will end our relationship in a heart beat if he doesn’t give me answers”
what kind of answers are you looking for? what answers are acceptable that you would stay with him?
Honestly, i wouldnt care if he is cheating or not. He could be fishing alone on a boat for all i care and i would still end this. He sounds immature and selfish. If he can ignore and lie to you, but “explain” it away, he will continue to do so. I dont know if he is cheating, but he sure doesnt want you around to find out.
Post # 12
It’s time to move on. Be lucky it’s only 5 years of your life and not a marriage, kids and the house. A Little pain now is better than a lot of pain later.
Post # 13
Do NOT buy a house with this man!!! Please!
Post # 14
clove22 : From what you wrote it doesn’t automatically sound like he’s cheating but he’s got one foot out the door, at the very least.
I agree with having a life outside of your relationship but that doesn’t mean that your SO should be kept in the dark about it. My boyfriend and I both have nights where we go out with just the girls or the guys but we always keep each other updated on our whereabouts. That’s just common courtesy. The fact that your boyfriend in being secretive is a pretty big red flag.
I don’t know. This isn’t the kind of guy I’d want to be with.
Post # 15
So it does sound as though he’s checked out of this relationship. On the other hand though, devil’s advocate after a fashion, you are implying here that this is a very recent, sudden change in personality. Any chance that something else is going on? Since he still lives at home, I’m assuming late teens, early 20s – that is prime time to develop a mental health disorder. Does his family think he’s acting strangely? His friends? If it’s just you, then yeah, something has happened to make him no longer interested. If everyone is noticing weirdness, I’d be looking for other answers, even if in the end you find there’s nothing left for you to do. Definitely hold off on buying a house or any other steps forward in the relationship, though!