(Closed) I think he is going to call off the wedding

posted 10 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 32
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Your doctor may also be able to provide references for other resources – maybe even ones that are free?

Post # 33
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2019

I’m agreeing with the get off of the BC sentiment – i know mine has affected me…

Also, I understand that you are shy about toys but dont forget that there is a whole huge anonymous internet out there just waiting for you to explore!

 

Good luck!

Post # 35
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have to say although this sucks I am in the same boat!  I never am in the mood! About two months ago I switched BC to the Nuvaring and I still feel the same!  It scares me to death that I am going to lose my best friend ( My FI) over this!  I am at a lose and don’t know what to do either! 🙁

Post # 36
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Could you have a medical problem? Maybe Hypothyroidism which can cause depression and weight gain. Some other symtoms are heavy periods, being cold all the time, and consipation. ANother possibilty might be PCOS, google it for more info.

Keep up with your individual couseling and try some couples consuling maybe your church if you have one has free or low cost conseling.

 

Post # 37
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I do feel for you – all the stuff going on in your life is tough, and I can see how it can affect you. Did you have a higher sec drive before this difficult period in your life? Was your guy satisfied then?

If it was dramatically different then I think there is a good chance you can work it out. If, however, it was always low and the difference between your wants and his was always great than it is more serious.

This is one of those issues that if you two don’t agree on it will grow worse and can challenge your marriage later on. We both owe our partners the best we can be, and I think that includes entering a marriage in the best way you can. I would postpone the ceremony until you two resolve your issues, you manage your depression, and he feels he can say 100% that he wants to marry you. If you have issues with sex drive now, what will happen after potential kids are born? or after a few years being married? I really think that you should be able to let him know what to expect, and if he can’t handle it then it’s better to find out now than after a few kids and a few years of marriage. 

Post # 39
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sadness Allover-When you figure out whats going on if you could message me I would love to hear any solutions!  I am in a simlar boat and its very upsetting and hard to deal with!  I feel like I have something really wrong with me!  But at least we know we are not alone! 🙂

Post # 40
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Sadness Allover  – I think in addition to talking to your doctor etc, what can also help if you can’t afford therapy right now etc, is to organize an exercise group, maybe with just a couple of friends. This way you can encourage each other, and it will make you feel better. You can go running, walking, swimming. Also try a new hobby, something that has nothing to do with the wedding, just to take your mind off the stress.

You can order sex toys and whatever online, to avoid embarrassment. I don’t think sex therapy is really necessary right now, I think you should tackle your stress and depression first. Your guy should make more of an effort to ‘woo” you, as oppose to just groping you. I agree that’s not helpful and just stresses you out more.

Good luck!

Post # 41
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Honestly; I wouldn’t be switching BC pills. I would be stopping them. I’ve done everything you have. I’ve tried to switch; tried to talk to my doctor. I went off BC for a month and you wouldn’t believe how amazing that month was. Yes it sucks to use condoms after so long without using them. But honestly every pill is going to kill your drive. I went back and tried to switch to Nuva Ring. That was a total disaster as well. I’m now off of BC all together and am waiting for my body to get back to normal. It’s worth it; believe me!

Post # 42
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

I would check out this resource, you can even submit your question: http://kinseyconfidential.org/

It’s compiled by actual sex therapists and experts.

Post # 43
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

switching from one form of hormonal birth control to another will not help. it’s all the same and works by halting your system, therefore taking away sex drive.

sex once a month is perfectly fine and healthy, by the way…if that meets the needs of the couple in question.

I think the thyroid suggestion was huge. If you haven’t had that checked, do it! It’s very common. And don’t be afraid to tell your primary care physician at the meeting that you are having a lack of sex drive and all about these issues surrounding it. They might know to look at something you would not have thought of.

Good luck!

Post # 44
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Sadness-I am so glad you posted this because I am going though all the emotions that you are going through right now.  I have been thinking about this for a while but today I decided that I am going to go off BC for a while and see how it goes.  I had to go off it for a month last year and honestly I felt fantastic.  Thank you so much for putting yourself out there and posting this.  I was too shy to post anything like this but all the reply’s have helped me so much.

Post # 45
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have been so embarrassed by this topic I never talk to anyone about it!  I always feel like whats wrong with me?  Will this end our realatioship?!  It really worries me.  But I also have a thyroid condition and take lexapro for anxiety..I never even thought that those two things might be the reason why!  I guess I really need to see my dr about this…

Post # 46
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am with Ribbons on this.  But I will add that it’s an emotionally tough situation for him, too, and sometimes people say things when they’re in pain & upset that they don’t mean.  I think you should really talk and find out how much he means it.  One thing I always forget with this stuff is how rejected people feel when their partner isn’t feeling intimate.  I wish you all the best.  This IS one of those things that can be worked on & changed!  In my experience the biggest way to boost my drive is exercise. 

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