I think he is seeing someone else. Can this work out?

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee

cityred :  “I feel like I’m never going to find anyone”. You know I really feel you on this. It takes an eternal optimist to remain hopeful over the years through all the dating, to meet the right person. Took me 10 years of online (and offline) dating and a few failed long and short relationships to meet my husband. But when you meet that person, you’ll think, of course! THIS is the guy for me. And you’ll wonder why you gave all those other guys that didn’t seem right / didn’t gel a chance. Hindsight is 20/20 of course.

After breaking up with the ex of 6 months I really questioned why I kept giving chances to people I just didn’t feel strongly about or when there were things that concerned me, but I decided to “wait and see”. And I finally admitted to myself that I never dared to look for exactly what I wanted (they are reasonable qualities), because I was afraid if I did, I’ll never be able to find that person and then I’ll die alone. 

That was shocking to me because I never thought I was afraid of that. But I realised it was true. And I came to decide that, yes I’m only going to look for what I wanted and accept no less, because life is too good to share with the wrong person (and at the cost of the opportunity to spend it with the right person), that I’d rather die alone. I accepted I may never find what I wanted but it was worth a real try. And I met him a month later (that was likely coincidence but I was certainly a lot more decisive in writing off people after a date or two and not waste too much time).

 

Post # 77
Member
671 posts
Busy bee

missyjz :  

“And I came to decide that, yes I’m only going to look for what I wanted and accept no less, because life is too good to share with the wrong person (and at the cost of the opportunity to spend it with the right person), that I’d rather die alone. I accepted I may never find what I wanted but it was worth a real try. And I met him a month later (that was likely coincidence but I was certainly a lot more decisive in writing off people after a date or two and not waste too much time).”

It was exactly the same for me. I got so sick of the guys who were not right that I finally decided to give myself permission to want what I really wanted. There were doubts from others whether I would ever find it, but I didn’t waiver because by that point I was ready to die alone rather than be in one more unhappy relationship.

I met my SO 3 months later and he is everything I ever could have dreamed of.

I think it’s valuable to bear in mind, for those people who are afraid the person they want does not exist and that they’ll have to settle for the next person who comes along, that there are 7.5 billion people in the world. The person you want does exist, and you may just need to cast your net a little wider to find them, but you will if you truly want to.

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