(Closed) i think i almost called it off (long)!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Ok, I don’t mean this in a mean way, but this sounds a LOT like my state of mind before I realized I had severe anxiety (after the birth of our first child) and needed counseling. There is no shame in talking to a professional, going into their office and saying “I feel like I’m drowning and I need help.” It sounds like you’re going through a lot of upcoming life changes, and having a strong reaction to them.

I don’t think you’re going to find the answers you really need on this site.

Post # 4
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Make two lists: stuff that you can control now, and stuff that you can’t control now (and might not ever be able to control). Put your second list away— it’s stuff you can’t control now so why even worry about it? You’ll sort those as the time is right for them to be sorted. Then pick one thing on your Can Control Now list, and make a plan on how you’re going to do it.

Confused and overwhelmed with mortgages? Many banks and community organizations do an Intro to Financing A Home seminar, often for free. Go let them explain it to you.

Afraid you can’t cook? In my city, Living Social (like Groupon, more or less) is always doing 3-hour cooking classes where the chef of a popular local restaurant will come teach you how to make one dish. See if there’s similar opportunities in your city. Even better, get a copy of Escoffier’s “Le Guide Culinaire” which is a chef’s bible. And it’s in English now 🙂 It’s a bit dry, but if you can get a hang of his “five mother sauces” then you can cook about 75% of American-style cuisine without a recipe. I’m not exaggerating. These “mother sauces” for the most part are not difficult, you will be amazed, and once you learn the technique, you can apply it to soup, any kind of sauce, stew, casserole…

Afraid you won’t make a difference in the world? Go volunteer somewhere twice a month.

Start crossing the “I can control” stuff off the list. The rest will fall into place, and along the way you’ll feel like you’ve really accomplished something— and that feels very good.

Post # 5
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Seconding @KatyElle. I think you should consider seeing a counselor, if you can. These all sounds like normal anxieties, but it doesn’t sound like you are processing things very well right now — which is exactly the scenario where therapists/counselors are at their most useful. Maybe you have some kind of anxiety problem that’s emerging now (if you’re in your mid-20’s, that’s a common time for this kind of thing to make itself known) or it might just be as simple as you needing to learn new or better coping skills for dealing with this many major life changes all at once. Either way, there’s no shame in talking to someone who can help you troubleshoot all this before it turns into a problem you can’t manage.

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Take a deep breath.  Are you warm?  Are you comfortable?  Are you with someone who loves you? 

 

Yes?

 

Then it’s all going to be okay. 

 

You went on a trip and it was a bust? Of course it was a bust!  You’re stressed, and overwhelmed, and thinking about a thousand things at once.  You’re not going to have fun on a trip when your mind is in chaos and panic. 

 

The mantra that always helps center me is: Your life is your own.  You’re going to share it with someone, and that’s a huge decision and an amazing milestone.  But everything you do, and everything you choose to experience is your call.  Nobody can force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.  Nobody can force you to have kids if you’re not ready.  Nobody can force you to stop writing against your will.  Nobody is going to steer your life for you if you don’t want them to.  That’s the nice thing about being an adult – you can say “stop!”  And people will stop!  And if they don’t stop, you can walk away from them! 

 

You’re not a horrible person!  You’re a wonderful person!  A smart person!  Smart people think about their lives and analyze what direction they want to take, because that shit is important. 

 

Take a deep breath, cook some pasta or soup for dinner, curl up with your fiance and a glass of wine – provided you’re not on antibiotics – and do nothing.  Just talk and be stupid and silly and insecure with each other.  Curl up with each other and watch a movie and fall asleep with each other.  (I find that curling up with a nice fiance helps calm me immensely, too.)     

 

And call a counselor in the morning, they can help you feel even better.  😉

You will be okay!

Post # 7
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Stace126:  I’m going to agree with others and suggest counseling—I think we’ve ALL experienced a kind of existential crisis at some point–where we feel like we’re just being pulled along with the momentum rather than figuring out what we really want out of life—maybe you want to go back to school, maybe you want a career change, maybe you want to look at other houses before deciding on your mother-in-law’s house, maybe you just need to calm down and take a step back from everything

Weddings are stressful, and when you’re feeling anxious it can be hard to put things in perspective

Post # 9
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

1. Please definitely seek the professional help and meds that you need. Rest assured, the battle is only in your mind and you will be ok.

2. You are very fortunate to have such a loving supportive SO.

3. You may want to talk to your mom about why she would even question if you want to be with SO for the long haul. Acting like  they love him and then saying that just doesn’t add up to me, and me personally would need clarification just in case they don’t like him or are noticing something that I can’t see.

4. In the midst of all the craziness and chaos that is life, it’s still beautiful and very much worth it. Things get hard some times but hang in there, this too shall pass….

Post # 10
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Can you picture your life without him?  Does it matter theguy that you want to spend the rest of your life with is your FI?  When you picture yourself getting very old, is he the one by your side?

Regarding your state of mind, I think you’re under a lot of pressure/stress about work, home, your parents, etc.  Yes you should see your therapist more often. 

 

Post # 11
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with PP that seeing a therapist, and regularly if at all possible, would be very beneficial to you. I suffered from severe generalized anxiety disorder and was a “what if” machine last year. It became so bad that I was pulling away from my at the time Fiance, had insomnia, depression, panic attacks, questioning EVERYTHING in my life including even getting married at all. I know all too well how overwhelming it can feel, but there is hope and help!

I was in therapy for 7 months total. I started off at 1x per week and moving to 1x every other week and it was like night and day after completing it. I still have my moments of “what if” thoughts coming into my head, but I know how to deal with them in a healthy way. You will feel sooo much better after sorting things out. Its totally worth the time and money for certain 🙂

If you have any questions or just want to vent a bit to another bee thats been through it feel free to PM me k?

The topic ‘i think i almost called it off (long)!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors