- 5 years ago
I’ve been a weddingbee lurker for a while now, but I have a dilemma and I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship since March. We live about 300 miles apart in the same state. However, we see each other very frequently. We take turns seeing each other back and forth. Next week is my turn to visit him.
However, I am dreading it. These last few weeks have been a rocky road for us because the last time he visited ended in us having a big argument about our sex life and now we are on a break. We were having sex and he literally came 1 minute later and lied there on top of me, crushing me. He’ll lay like that on top of me for a long time if I don’t say anything while he is still inside of me. I pushed him off of me because I was hurting from his weight and because I was frustrated.
These last few visits we’ve had with each other he has come very quickly. He isn’t even up for a round two. He just lays there on top of me for a long time or he rolls off of me. We never had this problem at the beginning of our relationship. We would have sex for a long time many times through our visits. However, when he started cumming quickly later on in our relationship, he said that he has always had this problem. I don’t believe it because I have been with guys with the same problem and it is a consistent problem.
So I told him that I was feeling used. We do have foreplay, but I don’t get any satisfaction out of it because he always does the things in a way his ex-girlfriend liked, which turns me off. I remind him what I like and I even showed him, but he keeps reverting back to what his ex-girlfriend likes. So I just stopped trying. I always hear how his girlfriend had multiple orgasms and she was soooo sensitive. A feather could touch her and she would an explosive orgasm. Well I have difficulty with orgasms because of some past personal issues and endometriosis, but I love the intimacy of sex. When I do my part of foreplay, I do all the things he likes and I always keep in mind his comfort.
So when I told him that I felt used when he was doing this. He got all defensive and upset. I expected that, but it was the truth. He said he couldn’t help it, but then I remember all of these stories he told me about his lengthy sexual adventures with his ex-girlfriend and the times we had at the beginning of our relationship. I told him that if he really did have a medical problem then he should go to the doctor for help, but he says that he doesn’t want to. So am I just suppose to sit back and accept 1-2 minute sex for the rest of my life? The argument escalated from there and he drove back to his town and called me and told me that he couldn’t be with me anymore because he couldn’t satisfy me like he should.
I was like WTF and I gave him a piece of my mind because he is a drama queen and all I wanted was for him to try and put a little more effort into sex. A few hours later, he called and wanted me to take him back. However, we are on a break now and have been since his last visit a few weeks ago, but we agreed that I should come down there and see him.
The more and more I think about having sex with him, I am dreading it. I don’t want to have sex with him during this visit and I have a feeling that this will cause some problems if I rejected his advances. But over these last few weeks, I’ve slowly started to lose attraction to him. Aside from this, he is generally a loving person. I know sex doesn’t define a relationship, but the equal effort a couple puts into it is important for me. How can I have sex with someone who doesn’t consider my needs when I am always in constant consideration of his?
I didn’t expect for this to be long, but any advice is greatly appreciated.