(Closed) I think I FINALLY got through to him…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hi – I don’t usually post here but wanted to say I’m so sorry.. we bought the ring together too and the 6 days in between when he bought it and proposed were THE LONGEST 6 DAYS EVER. So I can totally imagine your frustration.

But – you know he is going to do it, and likely is planning something amazing (and at this point, probably waiting for the holidays), so just try not to take it as a deeper sign of his love or commitment to you, and do your best to sit tight.

Post # 4
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I got to that point for sure when I was waiting but I didn’t say the same thing.  But I did tell my husband to stop talking about being engaged and the future for a while because it hurt too much to talk about it over and over while waiting.  I would try to keep quiet about it and hopefully he will do the same.  To me it sounds like he is trying to throw you off the trail by saying it won’t happen for a while but I could never know what he thinks for sure.

Post # 5
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I know the feeling of the waiting game and how frustrating it can be.  I think you made a VERY good point about making him wait to give him an answer.  The only thing I can say about waiting is that when he doews ask, you know he is REALLY sure and ready to ask.  Also, could he just be trying to through you off by telling you it wont be this month.  And just think, even though you know it is coming it is still nice to have that element of surprise.  When my husband finally proposed (I didn’t know he had even bought the ring yet) I was really so suprised! 

Enjoy this last bit of time as an unmarried/unengaged couple…once the planning starts things can get even more stressful.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

That was a great way to get him to see your side of things.  I’m happy he did see how horrible it is to hold out like that.  I just don’t think sometimes they can see that part of it.  Good Luck thru the holidays!!

Post # 8
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

That is such a good line!! I’m in a similar position… waiting on the ring, we’ve chosen which one it will be, was hoping but not deperate for it to happen in September when we moved flat and was 100% sure it HAD to happen before Christmas but I know it won’t and I just don’t understand or think he knows what I’m going through.. I will definitely use that as a way of explaining it to him!

ps Welcome to WeddingBee 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

Welcome to the 99% snark-free waiting boards@ModernlyClassic:! It is nice to have somewhere to vent where you know you won’t be judged or thought of as psycho! That’s an excellent angle about getting him to see it from your perspective. I might hafta try that next time the subject organically (read:HE brings it up) arises. Smile

Post # 10
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

MC, I think you have the right idea to just drop it for a while.  I found this to work for me.  My husband and I were together for about 7 years before he proposed.  He wanted to be done with his undergrad (took him a while) before we got engaged.  I thought it would happen over the summer (I was pretty clear that we need 1 year to plan wedding and I wanted to do it during the summer).  He didn’t propose until November!  After he graduated (in May) I just stopped talking about it as much as I could.  I would have an occasional freak out and he would reassure me that this relationship was heading in that direction…blah blah blah…for some reason it didn’t help that much. The day after he proposed he said, “You’re going to be mad when I say this but I don’t know what took me so long…now I’m just ready to be married.” 

The good news is that you know he has the ring!  That is pretty much as good as being engaged! It sounds like you two don’t have a whole lot of planning to do.  Why the need to save the money?  I know my man didn’t want to get married til he felt he was capable of taking care of himself, let alone a family. 

Post # 12
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I was honestly in the EXACT same shoes as you are in now. I picked out my ring last December… before Christmas. I knew when he went Christmas shopping he got it (he went with a friend who was married to my friend so I knew he got it lol) So I was thinking awesome we’ll get engaged around Christmas how awesome i’m so excited. Couldnt stop thinking about it… waited… christmas came and went then new years came… then went. lol. I would bring it up and it would make him upset b/c he knew I knew he had the ring and he said since I already knew about it he had to come up with something special to at least surprise me in some way. So we had a Cancun trip planned for June… SIX MONTHS after he bought it. I was thinking there is no freaking way in hell he is waiting that long… oh he did. Actually as bad as this sounds there was a huge group of us going and we started drinking the night before we left and I got a little too tipsy and EVERYONE was saying its going to happen soon its going to happen soon and I was like I hope its in Cancun because I was secrelty wishing that the whole time, that’d be so romantic and on the beach (i love the beach) and I would just absolutely love that. So the night before we left everyone is saying it’ll happen in Cancun. Well he snapped back, why would I do it in Cancun?! I was like why wouldnt you? Thats perfect. his response “were going to be drinking the whole time and everyone will be drunk i’m not about to ask you to marry me when we’ll probably be drinking the whole entire time” I was PISSED!! there is no way i’d actually drink the full 7 days straight while I was there (ok not to the point where I was drunk) To me it was the perfect place to do it. We actually got into a heated argument about it (i swear it was b/c i was drinking that night) b/c i was hoping SO badly that it would happen then and i was shot down…. 3rd day in Cancun… He asked me.

So MAYBE he is just screwing with your head. Trying to make you think its not going to happen anytime soon. take you to sweet places. do sweet things so you think oh its going to be tonight. Then when you least expect it b/c he’s done so much… he’ll do it. I mean if he bought the ring, its obvious he WILL do it… just dont rag on him about it. I learned my lesson on that! lol.

Post # 13
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

@ModernlyClassic:Well, I told Kevin, imagine that I got him UT tickets for every football game AND airfare but said he couldn’t have it until I said… he seemed to respond to that.  I don’t know though.  He said he doesn’t get to decide everything, but this is one thing he does!

Post # 14
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yeah, my Darling Husband got an earfull from me when I was waiting and he’d mention weddings and our future, but no talk of actually putting it into action. He always tried to turn it back around on me and accuse me of pressuring him, but I always replied calmly reminding him that I wasn’t going to hide that marriage was really important to me and I wasn’t willing to wait forever. I held my ground and did not allow the in-between waffling to go on for very long. My point to him was that if he wanted me in his life, he had to make a commitment and as each ‘waiting’ day passed I just got more and more disillusioned in our relationship since he wasn’t on the same page as me. One day I finally told him to move out if he wasn’t going to propose and he knew I was serious. I got my ring about 2 weeks after that, give or take.

Post # 15
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

fi and i picked out rings togther as well… although i didnt actually know he bought it bc i was in the bathroom throwing up my guts (long story)…. anyways, fi only lasted 2 days! i never would have known any different bc i didnt know he bought it, but he said he was so nervous and it was burning a hole in his pocket lol! anyways back to you…. i hope you did get through to him bc it is not very considerate of him to tease you about an engagement that you are very serious about. maybe he just wants the proposal to be perfect 😉

Post # 16
Member
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I do recall making one statement to Darling Husband after her brought up the topic of marriage.  It was something along the lines of you can’t put toothpaste back in a tube.  It was after he asked me to go to a bridal fair with him–not entirely subtle.

He got the message & he took it from there.

The topic ‘I think I FINALLY got through to him…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors