Post # 1
So this past Sunday was our (dating) anniversary and, it being football season and I being the wonderful woman that I am, conceded to spend the day at a sports bar with the Fiance. He usually goes to his best man’s house every Sunday to watch football, which I am also fine with, but for this ONE day he didn’t go and his best man ended up coming to the bar to watch football.
I came a little late so they could get in some “man time” or whatever, and when I got there I go to say Hi to his Bridesmaid or Best Man and he like doesn’t even look up from his Blackberry. OK, fine. Now, I’m not the best at making conversation with people who are somewhat difficult to talk to and/or I don’t know that well (this guy is both of these things). But, you know, I’m doing my best. It doesn’t help that I don’t know jacks**t about football. Basically the summary is that he made me feel horribly awkward for even being there, didn’t really talk to me, and then left about 45 minutes after I got there. So I got upset and was basically like WTF to my Fiance and he tells me that his best man thinks that I should be the one making all the effort to talk to him because I essentially “stole” Fiance away. Um, really? This guy is 31 years old, and I “stole” his friend?
My Fiance has issues with this guy, too. Like I said, he’s not the easiest to get along with. By FI’s own admission he is ridiculously selfish and immature, but I’m sorry right now I want to tell him to go f**k himself. His opinion of me means nothing at all. The last thing I want to do is make all the effort with this guy.
OH, also, this is the same guy who didn’t RSVP to the engagement party and when Fiance called him about it he said me and my parents were like “Nazi Germany.” He’s just trouble and I’m over this motherf**ker and I’m not going to be able to get rid of him anytime soon. Fiance doesn’t hang out with him much anymore simply because he’s difficult and I am, well, awesome, but he’s going to be involved in all the wedding stuff and if I hear “Nazi Germany” everytime he is asked to do something I WILL actually exterminate him.
How do I deal with someone this impossible?
Post # 3
I would just ignore him. He is doing it because he feels like you took his best friend and if this guy is so hard to get along with, then your Fiance is probably his only friend and he doesnt want to “lose” him. I know, its so childish and retarted, so if I were you I would just ignore him. No one can ruin your day. Its you and your Fiance wedding and you shouldnt let anyone get in the way of that. Just laugh at him because he is so childish, it will eventually get to him. He does it now because he knows it gets to you, dont let him faze you, it will bother him more.
Post # 4
Ugh, that sucks! He sounds like a jerk, but luckily you don’t have to deal with him often. Honestly, I’d just patiently wait for him to phase himself out of your lives. You definitely don’t need to put in ALL the effort. When he’s around, be cordial, that’s it! I can’t believe a grown man would say you stole his BF, that’s just sick! Lol
Good luck with it!
Post # 5
To answer your last question: Don’t deal with him! Your Fi needs to be the one to “deal with him”. Whenever you need to contact him for wedding stuff, just get your Fi to do it. You don’t need that crap during this time in your life!
Does the Best Man have a girlfriend? My husband’s good friend used to be pretty selfish and a PITA to hang out with but then he started dating someone seriously and has learned how to take other peoples feelings and opinions into consideration. He even admitted that he used to be too self-centered.
In reference to your anniversary being on a Sunday. Does your Fi follow one team or is he one of those guys that feels the need to watch all the games every Sunday? My husband would like to watch all the games that are on but we compromise. If its a special occasion or there is something that I’d really like to do, he just watches the Ravens game and we have the rest of the day to do other stuff.
Post # 6
OMG. What a jerk. If your Fiance has issues with his friend, why in the world is he his BM? And the comment about how you need to be making the effort to speak with him because you stole your Fiance away from him? This guy has some serious growing up to do!
Again, why is he the best man?
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Wow, he sounds incredibly immature. I’m sure that friendship isn’t going to be one for the ages anyway, so I’d just try to ignore it because he almost certainly WILL go away. 😉
Post # 8
Ignore him ..Its not like you have to see him every day ..If you have more parties and such ..talk to the other guys in the wedding ..Or talk to other family members and your own bridal party ..Is there any time really your going to have to spend time with him ?? Well when you do , be the bigger person , say hello ..and if he says nothing ..then Move on …:)
Post # 9
This sounds like a guy my bf and I were friends with before we got together. Then the guy became a jerk.
We still hung around the same people, it’s not like I took my bf and said “no you can’t see/hang out with our friends without me”, but this guy, he acted like I snatched my bf away, and started being super rude toward me. My bf says that had this guy been nicer to me, perhaps he would have been more compelled to hang out. If they were such close friends, my being there slightly more than normal shouldn’t have changed anything.
I joked that the guy was secretly in love with my bf, and that’s why he was so upset. A few years later, he came out to us as bi. I try to be accepting of everyone, as their choices don’t have any effect on my life, but there was some major “told you so!” afterwards.
We don’t talk to this guy anymore, but we do lighten our days by making comparisons between him and whatever is bothering us or getting us down that day.
Now my story doesn’t help at all, I’m aware. I guess what I was going to say is that unless the Bridesmaid or Best Man is a brother or long-lost-sibling/friend or something like that, I don’t see why he isn’t within his right to say “look man, sorry, but I don’t think I want you to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore”, and if he wants to expound on this “newfound” jerkiness, go ahead.
My bf doesn’t know who he would pick to be his Bridesmaid or Best Man, but he knows it wouldn’t be the guy mentioned in my story. Bf says he doesn’t have time for the sort of PMSy man-drama that would likely ensue.
Post # 10
Fiance is deep into fantasy football. It’s all the games, every Sunday – and I love him, and I was cool with that.
He is the best man because there would be MAD drama if he wasn’t. Fiance would rather have his other friend (who I LOVE, btw), but it apparently has to be this guy. It’s like girl drama all the time with this dude. He is like a PMS-y woman all the time.
As far as the best man’s relationship situation goes, he doesn’t have a really serious gf. He’s dating this one girl but from what I can gather he’s not that serious about her. A lot of their mutual friends are married, and I asked Fiance – did he do this when X and Y got married? And his response was that it’s different with him than with the other guys because best man always just sort of thought my Fiance would be the eterna-bachelor with him. They used to go out and get crazy and pick up girls and all that stuff, but the difference is that Fiance grew out of it and grew up, and best man did not.
I know it has zero to do with me as a person because (a) he doesn’t know me and hasn’t tried to get to know me and (b) I’m awesome, but I’m pretty hot-tempered and this guy is really on my last f**king nerve. Now he’s coming to the engagement party at my parents’ house this weekend and I know I’m gonna lose it if he is rude to me or my parents.
Post # 11
Yeah, my FI’s best friend made the same remarks, that I “stole him” and that my Fiance spends all of his time with me. DUH! We’re getting MARRIED, DUDE.
Then that guy spread rumors about me, causing two other guys in the wedding party to drop out, which left us with one (and now we have none)… but my point is – it’s not your problem to deal with. Your Fiance needs to deal with this while you have time. My Fiance wishes he had nipped that talk of me stealing him a looooong time ago before it got out of hand, but he excused it as his friend just being immature. Sound familiar?
Thing is, that guy is not going to snap out of it and suddenly accept you. No one that thinks like that is going to suddenly be cool with you and realize that THEY are being the problem. Your Fiance needs to take care of this before it causes bigger problems for your wedding – like ours did.
Post # 12
I feel you. The best man in my wedding is FI’s brother. He hates me. He hates my sister (MOH). We/I’ve never done anything wrong to him. He just doesn’t like us.
We were all in Vegas at the same time last year (coincidence) two hotels away from each other and we called him and his Girlfriend every day to meet up for dinner, drinks, whatever. He never answered. I’ll invite him and Girlfriend to different stuff me and Fiance (and sometimes my sister and her BF) do like going out on Thanksgiving Eve, going to the outlets, etc. and he’ll never even respond. He’ll only come to the city to visit when I am out of town.
I used to feel bad about it for a long time. Now I have enough sense to just give up on him. I am a nice person and there’s no reason not to like me. This is his problem. Deal the same way with this guy…and I agree with previous poster that he will probably eventually phase his way out of both of your lives.
Post # 13
I actually don’t think that scenario at the sports bar sounds all that bad. You said that he made you feel awkward for even being there… but maybe he felt awkward once you came, which would explain why he would leave so soon after you got there. He probably is unsure of his place with your Fiance now that he is getting married. These types of relationships take time. I’d try not to get worked up about it. People are strange sometimes.
Post # 14
We refer to the PMS-y man as Nancy. Used in a sentence:
Honey, is Nancy coming out again?
Post # 15
@stephinPA – LOL we call him “Sally”