(Closed) I think I lost a friend because I didn’t give her enough money as a wedding gift

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 32
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

that is more than enough–are u sure she got i tthough?? make sure it didnt get lost or something confirm with her if she got it—all this could be huge misunderstanding.

Post # 33
Member
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If I got upset with everyone that came to the wedding and didn’t give me more than $125, I would have to cut a lot of people out of my life.  I knew that going in.  The wedding isn’t meant to profit from, its to celebrate with the people you care about.  If she has the nerve to be upset with you about a totally appropriate gift amount… good riddance!  I know its harder than that, you deserve to at least know why she’s dodging you.  You might have to try the direct approach.  Ask her in an email or text if that’s the reason she’s avoiding you.  If she doesn’t respond, you can assume your hunch was correct.

Post # 34
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well she would def hate me!  My good friend got married two years ago.  At the time money was extremely tight and I had no idea about wedding ettiqute!  I went to her shower gave her stuff not on her registry since the only things left were $300!  I went to her bachlorette party but once again I was strapped for money, so I did not spend too much.  When we went to their wedding I did not give another gift.  I was broke and was already poor from paying for some of her bachlorette party and the bridal shower gift.  Thank goddness my friend is a VERY good person and didnt care!  She was just glad to have me there!  I still til this day feel very guilty for not being about to give her more on her special day, but since she is a good friend she understands!  Now since I am doing better financially and she has a daughter, I will give her a nice gift for her baptism.  Thats what friends are all about! 

As far as I am concerned you did more than enough!  If she isn’t going to speak to you over that, then she wasnt a good friend to begin with!

Post # 35
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Wow!  The most any of our friends gave was $100.  We only got about a half dozen gifts that were more than $100.

Post # 36
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Not sure where in the country you are…..in my area $100 per person is the standard (to answer your question if it could be perceived as too low). That said, before anyone gets up in arms, I totally agree with other posters, no amount should be expected (people do not HAVE to give a gift) and I would never in a million years get upset with anyone over a gift. People do what they can, and to not speak to someone over it is crazy.

Post # 37
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Dude…if she’s not talking to you because of your wedding gift, then she is not a good friend. I think if she doesn’t respond to you via facebook or email, then just let it go. The amount you gave was more than enough.

However, I think you may be overanalyzing things. There’s probably something else going on. I think by now you’d know what type of person she really is since you’ve been friends with her for awhile. Would she really be the type to get upset over a gift? If that’s the case, then you’re better off not having her as a friend!

Post # 38
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Friendship should not be based on these things. If she dropped you because of this, then I’d consider myself lucky.

Probably something else is going on.

Post # 39
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t personally think a wedding gift should be determined by the cost of the pre-wedding “events” you partake in but I think $125 is plenty generous enough for a wedding gift and you don’t need to make excuses for yourself. If she isn’t speaking to you because of this, she’s the one who should be embarassed and sorry, not you!

Post # 40
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I hate to be obvious here, but reading the rest of the responses before you post is usually a pretty smart idea. The situation was resolved FIVE DAYS AGO 😛

(happyb:  

“Thank you to all responded! I emailed her yesterday and she wrote me back almost instantly. It turns out that she did get my calls, but that she was busy looking for a job and actually even got a new apartment. We are hanging out for dinner next week. I’m just thrilled that I did not lose a great friend!

Thanks Bees for your help!”)

Post # 42
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011
Post # 43
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@happyb:  The cost of her wedding is irrelevant to the amount of your gift.  That said, your gift was fine and very generous.  If she turns her nose up at it then you haven’t lost a friend you’ve rid yourself of a spoiled brat. 

What makes you think it was your gift that’s the problem?

Post # 44
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow- I am like you, I would worry about something like that.  But I agree with the other posters- $125 plus all the support you gave her is very generous.  If she truly was not calling you for that reason- she would need to get a reality check!

Post # 44
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

First reaction is that you spent enough along the way and shouldn’t have to justify what you gift.  Maybe she’s got other things going on in life and hasn’t had the time to call back.  Just give it time and leave the ball in her court, I think you’re fishing for reasons why she wouldn’t call back and the gift is the only thing that comes to mind…who knows you may be way off base.

Post # 45
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

1 That’s a LOT of money.

2 Any gift at all should be appreciated.

3 She may be having difficulty with her new husband–it’s a big adjustment to be married. Give her some time. But do not cut her out just yet. And absolutely do not apologize!

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