(Closed) I think I lost my best friend…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sometimes people show their true friendship at the most inopportune times. It’s not nice, helpful, or loving. I’m in a similar situation with a relative, but it’s a different situation. I’ve decided that, if he wants in my life, he can call me. I’m done fogiving people when they don’t ask and keep hurting me.

Post # 4
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you just have to let it go, as hard as that is.  I lost at least one friend over my wedding too.  These events will make people show their true colors.. that’s for sure.

If you feel inclined to send her something, write it down, get it all out, then scale it back in a letter to her.

Sorry you had that happen, that’s awful.

Post # 5
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

aww sorry….I would just let it go for now.  Tell her that you still value the friendship and maybe one day you will get back on the same page.  

 

I had a situation when I thought I was losing my best friend as well.  She was going through a hard time and it was just a dark period.  I tried to help her the best I could, but nothing worked. So finally I just got the balls to tell her “listen, I love you. I’ve tried to help you, you don’t want it.  When you get your life figured out I will be here for you but until then…there is really nothing that I can do right now.”  She took it hard bc there was another “cut” to her life.  Eventually she got her head out of her ass and we are back to talking on the phone all the time and hanging out again.

Some times you just need a break.  Some times those breaks last longer than others.  But do what is right for you.  Friendships are a 2 way street.

Post # 6
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ms Sassy, you are completely right!

Post # 7
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow, I am really sorry this has happened. I think it is just part of life. Big milestones seem to have the ability to show people who there real friends are. I have learned that some friends are only around when it is convenient for them. As soon as you start doing something that completely revolves around yourself, i.e. get married or have a baby, they seem to drop like flies. Maybe she will come back around and maybe she won’t. If she does, your friendship will likely not be the same. Sorry for your loss.

Post # 9
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m going through something similar at the moment, but for right now my friendship with my MOH is clinging on, but barely. She also hasn’t really helped with any planning, hasn’t bought her dress yet, was MIA for 2 weeks (we needed info about the shower she’s planning, but wouldn’t return a single call), didn’t send out shower invites til a week before, and seems disinterested in the wedding even though she wanted me to ask her to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I asked her about 2 or 3 months ago if she wanted to back out (due to financial resaons) but she said no, she definitely wanted to be in it still. We hardly talk these days, which is pretty sad since she’s the most important person in my wedding party.

I think it’s extremely unforgivable for your former Maid/Matron of Honor to not even ask about your wedding.  But I may be the same as you – making excuses and hanging on to a friendship that is already over. It seems like she’ll continue to be unreliable and disinterested in you and your life now, and who needs friends like that. 🙁

Post # 10
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Weddings do weird things to people. I also lost a friend and it was hard. I cut off contact but needed closure so I eventually wrote her a letter explaining why we were no longer speaking, keeping to the facts as I remembered them and taking responsibility for what I felt I did wrong. It really helped!

It really doesn’t sound like this person has ANY interest in being your friend which is incredibly sad. I know that my Maid/Matron of Honor would cut off her own arm before she missed my wedding. I know this because she’s told me so. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.

Post # 11
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@MissHelen: I think we should do a poll because my husband lost a friend over our wedding. I didn’t realize how freakishly common that is until I started reading these boards.

Post # 12
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Unfortunately, weddings seem to bring out emotions in some people that you wouldn’t see otherwise. I’m so sorry your friend acted like that. It happened to us as well (both me and my husband) and we were baffled and hurt, so I can definitely empathize.

Post # 13
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@ Edina: Seriously! That was one of the things that really helped me when I found weddingbee….knowing that SO MANY people have gone through this. It’s incredible.

Post # 15
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

I think JennyPenny (cute name, btw) is right. I think some friendships are more superficial than we realize until it’s too late. Ultimately, you can have a good time shopping with someone or whatever, but when the activities turn to all about you, maybe the friend isn’t into it. It’s sad, but it happens.

 

 

Post # 16
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would let it go. And if she expresses interest later, let her. But, not without telling her lovingly that you were hurt.

And if you really feel like you need to her, reach out to her one more time. Ask her if you’ve offended her or what’s going on? etc.

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