(Closed) I think I made a BIG MISTAKE with my choice of MOH…what to do

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I have a friend like A. I’m not sure sometimes if she’s an actual friend. My version of A would never remember I had a job interview so your A sounds like a step above 🙂

Anyway, if you absolutely want a Maid/Matron of Honor and don’t have anyone else to fill the role, she’s your best option and you’re probably going to have to stick with her. If you don’t want the drama I may consider not having a maid of honor and relying more on the female members of your immediate family for support (i.e. mother/mother in law/step mom/etc)

My honest opinion is she doesn’t sound that bad and you’re worrying a bit too much. 🙂 If she’s not engaged/in a serious relationship she may not understand the whole wedding thing so you’re going to have to be patient with her and expect her not to be as into it. Regardless, if you’re going to have an Maid/Matron of Honor make sure it’s someone you really like. That person is going to be in your wedding photos forever.

Post # 4
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I guess you will see how it plays out. If she is a terrible Maid/Matron of Honor then just ask her to plan the bachelorette party bridal shower and be there for you on wedding day …anything else will probably be extra.

I understand what u are going through. My Maid/Matron of Honor is horrible, never returns phone calls, never comes to tastings, dress shopping, DIY meeting and always has a lame excuse. I almost fired her twice.lol!!

Post # 5
Member
759 posts
Busy bee

I just wouldn’t depend on her for any type of support since she’s not very reliable and seemingly a bit self-centered.  Keep her as Maid/Matron of Honor, but I would try to find someone else (some other family member/girl friend) to be there to share the experience of dress shopping with you and help out with other wedding related tasks.

Post # 6
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you’ll have to wait and see.  I have certain friends that I bitch about my problems to more than others.  If she just complains about a lot of stuff it may be that she feels comfortable with you.  Then again maybe she really doesn’t keep up her end of the friendship.  But what I’m hearing you say is that the party planning is important to you and she rocks at it.  If that’s the case she might be worth the drama.  I’m lucky to have a TOTALLY drama free and supportive Maid/Matron of Honor.  I guess if she gets too out of hand you can always fire her and get another one.

Post # 7
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

ill be your moh.my moh sucks yourr moh sucks. lets do it

Post # 9
Member
17 posts
Newbee

Sorry to hear about your dilemma! I think since you already asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, you’re kind of stuck. Make the best of it! If you withdraw now, you may drastically hurt the friendship if not end it.

OR, since you asked kind of unofficially, perhaps it would work to tell her you’ve realized you just can’t pick a “favorite” because you love all your friends so much, and you’ve decided you wouldn’t like to have a Maid/Matron of Honor at all. Just have all bridesmaids–what’s wrong with that? Nothing, I say!

Also, please remember that no one, including your Maid/Matron of Honor, is required to throw you a shower or bachelorette party, much less attend tastings and the like. You should pick the person you’re closest to and trust the most, regardless of how much or little you think they may be able to contribute. Anything they offer to do is icing on the cake.

Good luck and congrats on your wedding!

Post # 10
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@maggierose: her name isnt chistina is it…oh just asking….FOMER Maid/Matron of Honor of mine who was my very best friend and moh but she failed miserably for many reasons and her personality sounds verrrrrrrrrry similar!

Post # 11
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

You never saw these traits in your friend before asking her to be your MOH?  Honestly?  Her self centeredness just sprouted up after you asked her?

I’m sorry, but I don’t understand asking people to be in a wedding before one is even engaged?  Is this a common practice?  I know that women think about who they will ask, but do they actually ask before a proposal has ever been made?  Especially since friendships can change over the years? 

I live in Canada, so maybe we do things differently here? 

 

Post # 12
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Do you have any brothers or male cousins you are close with? Personally, I would rather have someone standing by my side that I am really close to than the 8th girl down the list just because she happens to be the right age and live close by….

True, your shower and bachlorette party may be a bit different with a male influence, but I guarantee you will be happier day-of to have someone who is supportive and caring by your side.

Post # 13
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would have never asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor before I was engaged. I understand you are excited, but now you put yourself in a situation that might not go over well. You also seem to be complaining about something that has not even happened yet. You’re not even engaged (please correct me if I’m wrong), and you are already assuming she will mess up as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Come the day when you are finally planning the wedding, she might totally surprise you and be a GREAT Maid/Matron of Honor, so try not to think negatively. Good Luck with your final decision.

Post # 15
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It sounds like you “officially” asked her to me.  Just don’t expect anything from her and you won’t be disappointed.  Do all the planning yourself, don’t expect parties held in your honor, and don’t expect a shower.  That way, you’ll be set.

I told my Maid/Matron of Honor that all I want her to do is show up.

Post # 16
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

MaggieRose! I am so sorry you are going through this! I dont mean to be like your friend and make it about me, but I feel like I can relate! I have TWO MOHs and let me tell you, one of them is driving me up the wall! And I haven’t been engaged 6 months yet!

I think your best bet would be to talk to her about it, I know easier said then done, but sadly since being engaed, I have found out who my TRUE friends and family are. Just because they have your last name or some blood relation or some cousin of a cousin they need to be able to give their ALL, especially if they accept your invitation to be apart of your wedding. As much as it is important for her to be apart of your wedding, it is just important for her to be involved an give her best for your wedding day! But thats just my opinion and I am sure all of us ladies would expect (I dont think many people like the word expectations) from out MOHs, whether you had to say it or not. Uh…they are your friend afterall! lol

I wish you the best and I know your wedding is going to be beautiful in whatever decision you make!

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