- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I think I might have picked a Maid/Matron of Honor too early and now I am not sure if she is the best person for the role.
A little backstory: I have no sisters. I only have one girl cousin, who is significantly younger than me (14). My Fiance has no sisters. Ideally, I would have loved to have a family member be the Maid/Matron of Honor because, looking back at the pictures, family will always be family, but friends….who knows. But obviously, family is out. I do have one SIL (brother’s wife) – but she is 34 with a 2 year old and a 1 month old and I just cannot imagine her having any desire to plan showers and a raucous bachlorette party. Although, I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding years ago, so I will probably ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man to be nice, but I do not think Maid/Matron of Honor would fit…we are not really that close anyway.
Friendwise – my HS best friend is married with twins and living in New Zealand. I do not really keep in touch with anyone else from HS. I have a handful of close college girlfriends, but have drifted apart from two of them (anyway, one lives in Europe, and the other, all the way across the country). Out of the two that are left, one, although a great girl, is extremely unreliable and notoriously cheap. And she just got her PhD and I am pretty sure she is moving across the country as well. Plus, she had a major falling out with the remaining friend..lets call her A.
A has probably been my closest friend since college (known her 7 yrs). She is the one I keep in the most touch with, and she also lives the closest to me (not same city but about 1-2 hrs away). Now, since A is the one I talk to the most, she has been the one to know how eager I have been to start wedding planning, and she was also in her sister’s wedding and had a ball, so she said she would love to be in my wedding, and talked about the fun bachlorette party she would plan me, and etc…given her enthusiasm, plus the fact I do not have any female family members or other close girlfriends (other than my work girlfriends, but I feel it would be weird to ask them)….I asked her before I was even engaged if she would be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She was over the moon.
But the more I have been thinking of it, the more worried I am. A likes to talk about herself and think about herself more than anyone else. If I email her with a problem I am having, she will usually ignore it, or write back and respond with a “dont worry about it…by the way, THIS happened to me, can you believe it?” phone conversations revolve around her 90% of the time. She is occasionally unreliable, but better than the other friend. She is also notoriously snarky, which worries me. I have listened to her talk bad about so many of her friends behind their back….whether for spending too much time with their partners over her, or for perceived wrongdoings people have done to her (always overdramatized…this girl is a drama queen). I could just see her being the Maid/Matron of Honor but making it all about herself, which really worries me. When she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her sister´s wedding, I heard her bi&%h about things like how ugly the dresses were, how she shouldnt have to spend money on such a thing, how her sister wasnt letting her bring a friend as a guest bc she didnt have a bf……and I am just afraid now that having her as a Maid/Matron of Honor is going to be drama and stress and all about her and not about helping me do what I want or being supportive of what I want. I dont know for sure, but that is the vibe I am starting to get. She just called me to launch in to a diatribe about if some text message she sent to this guy was stupid or not, then to bi$%ch about how she is going home for christmas and her one friend she was looking forward to seeing most had planned a trip to go to Ecuador instead, and she is so pissed at that girl because she has bent over backwards for her and she is livid about it (I mean..really? I wanted to laugh in her face, but I just told her to relax.)…and AFTER about ten minutes of that she called to ask me how my really important job interview went. This is what got me thinking that it is all about her.
ANYWAY – to surmise. I feel bad because I unofficially asked her, and I also have NO ONE else who could fill the role. I do want a Maid/Matron of Honor because I want someone to help me pick things out, dress shop, and plan parties (the girl does plan a good party) but I am so afraid it is going to be more drama than it is worth.
What to do?!