- 1 year ago
Hi, I’m a new user here. Just made an account because I’ve been having questions about my life for a while now and I see this site is for women, so maybe someone is going through something similar and can help me out. Not sure if I’m posting in the right place, but here goes.
I’ve been married for a while now. I have 2 boys but honestly I wish I could go back. I haven’t been happy since I became a mother. I love them but I think they could live well with their father.
My husband is a nice guy but sometimes he’s just too nice. There’s no passion or anything anymore. I tried talking to him about it but he just doesn’t get it. I just end up frustrated in the end and sometimes starting fights over nothing. I get that I shouldn’t be doing that, but I just can’t help snapping at him. Honestly, if he were to tell me tomorrow that he was cheating with some woman, I might even be happy because then I could just have an excuse to leave him. That’s how bad it’s gotten.
Now for the past year I’ve been quite happy. I got a promotion at work, and I ended up partnered up for a project with a really nice guy. He’s new to the workplace and basically everything I wished for in my husband. They are like polar opposites.
We started off as just office friends. I had no intention to cheat, but I don’t know how but one day we kind of went out for drinks and that night I felt like we really clicked. He knows I’m married and about my sons and at first he didn’t want to pursue anything further.
But a few months ago, I went through a really rough point in my life and asked my husband for a separation. He begged me not to go and suggested we go to therapy even, but honestly I felt like he was just guilt-tripping me. We could have had therapy years ago and he didn’t want to but now he wants to make me feel like the one who messed up the relationship. He’s not a bad guy but he never tried to understand why I lost attraction in him. I told him we can work on it and I’ll think about therapy. We still talk from time to time but I’ve moved out because I need my space to just think.
So after the separation, I’ve realized that I’m free to rethink my relationships, so the guy and I decided to try out being a couple. Since we weren’t cheating technically, I felt so much more free and able to be open with him. We’ve talked a lot about everything, and he wants marriage possibly in the future. He’s not into kids and I’m totally with that idea. So now I just have to figure out the whole mess of a divorce that will have to follow.
He’s into traveling, works out, has an amazing smile, is energetic. He’s everything I wanted. I think I spent too long with my husband that I even forgot what my taste in men should be. And being a mother never suited me. I love my sons, but I’m sure my husband would be a great father to them. He’s the father type, and my boyfriend assured me that he will have no problem with visitations and maybe holidays. And we’ve talked about hypothetical ring shopping and ideal wedding plans. My husband couldn’t have even given me that.
If I could go back in time, I think I would have never married my husband. That was my first mistake. My second was getting pregnant. I’ve never felt the same since and had become totally miserable. I wish I could undo my mistakes and live my life all over again, but this is my only opportunity that’s close enough to undoing those mistakes that ruined my life.
My only problem is that I’m afraid of being judged. Judged by my traditional family, by my friends, coworkers. I don’t think they know what it’s like until they’ve lived similar lives completely unhappy everyday.
Si I need your advice. How can I break the news about my new relationship without all the judgmental people on my life not trying to vilify me? I just want to be happy for once.