(Closed) I think I made a big mistake

posted 11 months ago in No Kids
Post # 76
Member
5214 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Some of us have mothers who have zero interest in our lives or who have just up and left and abandoned us, or just a combination of both.

We know the world of hurt and problems you are about to inflict on your children and we really feel for them.

Post # 77
Member
3778 posts
Honey bee

Of course people are going to judge you -as they should. 15 years from now you’re going to feel some immense guilt, but it will be too late. Yes, even the most self-centered people can feel guilt. Please don’t play it off like you’re doing something good for your kids. Be serious. You are all about your boyfriend, engagement rings and wedding….you, you you. You even think you shouldn’t have to pay child support (think again).

But cheer up! He’s unlikely to be “Too nice”. He will most likely cheat on you at some point 

Post # 78
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

The initial post made me feel like the OP is just an unhappy person who got distracted and mesmerized by a man with an appealing child-free life. It’s normal to see other people’s lives and wish you had a similar one. It sounds like a common cheating scenario: a steady, secure, (“boring”) life, and then you see an attractive guy who checks all the boxes. I’m sure several of us have been in that position. There is a decision point where you either decide to give in and go for it, or ignore it and distance yourself from that person. 

Of course you’re going to be attracted to the intensity of a new relationship. It’s so fun! But if a relationship goes on long enough, it’s going to get into the steady mode. Nothing is new and fresh forever. 

HOWEVER, the follow up posts are saying that the OP is really a super bitter and unhappy person. It might have started with post partum depression, or maybe just an unhappiness with life choices, but it has festered and now it is a deep negativity. Lashing out at others and those thoughts about kids in therapy and single dads not being acceptable?? 

OP, regardless of what you do, individual counseling for yourself needs to be involved. If you can’t see what several people are saying here about yourself, then you are being clouded by your own bitterness. If you can clear out this negativity you will have a chance at a happy life, whether it’s with your ex or the new dude, and with a chance for some real involvement in your kids’ life without resenting them for being a “mistake.” 

Post # 79
Member
2646 posts
Sugar bee

OP–remember this:  How you get him is how you lose him.

Post # 80
Member
4002 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I know I will be flamed for this… or i will be flagged but I don’t care…. 

you are a shitty, selfish person for choosing to abandon your responsibilities as a mother since you chose to bring children into this world. I don’t care that you want to leave your husband, it happens and I don’t blame you for wanting to be happy but leaving your children to galavant around with a new boyfriend and choosing him over your children is unconscionable. I mean seriously WTF is wrong with you?????

Post # 81
Member
386 posts
Helper bee

I’m shocked at all of this, I cannot think of a comment to even rationalize anything.

My only input is that we appear to have both commented on another thread about how soon is too soon to get engaged and your response confirms cheating, I feel like the story changes depending on what mood you’re in. Not great. Please just get divorced, chuck your whole salary at your kids (legally you’ll probably have to) and go.

Post # 82
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

 

Content removed for personal attack, baiting.

Post # 83
Member
4002 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I just read your updates and now I’m even more angry. 

You straight up came on this site just so you can be validated for your atrocious and despicable decision to leave your children and all your responsibilities behind.

You’re only right about one thing, they will probably be better off without a “mother” like you in and out of their lives constantly.

A clean break is probably best although you will fuck them up because of it, but none of this matters to you. All that matters is your new bf who I hope leaves your ass for someone else and you end up alone. 

Disgusting human being. I’m so angry at this post. 

Post # 84
Member
6343 posts
Bee Keeper

englishbride2018 :  I can’t believe what I just read. She would like it if these children she is abandoning (yes, abandoning) would help her out when she gets old, because…reciprocity?? Showing gratitude? The kids she doesn’t want to have custody of and doesn’t think she should have to pay child support for? She’ll be lucky if they even acknowledge her as their mother. Wow. 

Post # 85
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

beethree :  yep couldn’t believe when I saw her reply there, the level of selfishness is unreal!

Post # 86
Member
6343 posts
Bee Keeper

englishbride2018 :  Some woman marrying one of these poor boys is going to be posting here in ten or fifteen years asking how to word the wedding invitations because her FI’s estranged mother wants to be listed even though she baled when he was a child but now she’s alone and sad and doesn’t understand why he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her…

Post # 87
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

Content removed for personal attack, snark, baiting.

Post # 88
Member
7862 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow wtf did I just read! OP is clearly a narcissist. There’s no point trying to reason with someoone like this…who seems to care more what internet strangers think of her than her own children. I think abandoning her children would actually be a kindness to them at this point..as hard as that will be for them, it’s better than the alternative (growing up with a narcissistic mother).

OP, to answer your original question, yes, people will judge you harshly for what you’re doing. You can do what you want, but you don’t get to dictate the way your children, your husband, your friends, and internet strangers perceive your actions. That’s called having your cake and eating it too.

Post # 89
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

Oops 

Post # 90
Hostess
3205 posts
Sugar bee

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