Post # 1
Well bees…I think I made a really stupid mistake when talking to my SO tonight. For a little background: We have been together for almost 6 years now and already through enough rough patches to know that we can make our relationship work no matter what we are going through. Right now, however, we have been dealing with our relationship going long-distance since the beginning of August because of the job he took requiring him to move and was not able to go with him.
So my mistake tonight was that while on the phone with him I jokingly asked what he got me for Christmas. When he said he hadn’t got my gift yet I said that he better not get me anything “useful”…trying to hint at the fact that it should be something sparkly instead. He didn’t take it that was though and got offended. When he gets upset, especially when we are on the phone, he just shuts down and basically ends the conversation.
I know I need to appologize for making him think that he wasn’t capable of picking out a good gift (which I think is what he thought). I usually am much more careful about what and how I say things…but this just kind of popped out. It was something I had been thinking about but not planning on saying. I just know that I will be really upset if he buys me new seat covers for my car or something like that instead of giving me a ring.
Sorry this was long and rambling…not even sure it all made sense, but that seems to be the way of things lately. On top of being 2+ hours apart, I just started a new job last month too and the stress is getting to me!
Post # 3
He sounds like a really practical guy and that is going to come in really handy in the future when you’re married 🙂 That’s great! I don’t think there was anything wrong with your comment that he shouldn’t get you a useful present for Christmas though. I think I might have said the same thing and I’m really practical as well. I just thing that presents should be fun (although if someone got me a Dyson I’d pee myself with excitement).
Is there any way you could illuminate why he took that comment personally? Or is it that you hinted you wanted a ring instead of a present?
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I don’t really think you said anything wrong, I think he needs to work on his communication skills.
However, I think a direct approach is what you need to fix this from your end. Just tell him what you meant
Post # 5
Well, he asked what I meant by a useful gift and I said that the things he has gotten me in the past fell in that category. He got me a dvd player one Christmas and a tv the year before that (to put in my sewing room while I worked) and even the other little gifts he gives are usually useful stuff like hat and gloves, etc. I told him he could save those types of gifts for when we are an old married couple 🙂
Its not that I don’t appreciate whatever gift he gives, but he hasn’t given me jewelry since our very first Christmas together!
Post # 6
Awww the TV for the sewing room is so sweet! That’s a thoughtful gift!
He sounds like a practical person to me, and being one myself my advice would be to draw him a road map of exactly what you mean. I would give all those presents you’ve listed lol. In fact the first gift I gave my SO was a pair of North Face gloves because he hated snow and tried to steal mine.
It sounds like what is frustrating him might be that he doesn’t know what you mean by your statement, and not that you said your statement.
Post # 7
Thanks Bunny, that makes me feel a little better about it all! I was starting to think maybe I sounded ungrateful or mean or something. I tend to over-analyze everything though. LOL
Normally I have no problem with practical gifts, they are much better than getting something that just sits on a shelf and you look at. I’m partly, probably over reading his frustration because I am so ready for him to just propose already! We’ve had talks but I can’t seem to get him to give me any sort of timeline and that frustrates me because I like to plan ahead.
Post # 8
My man is a practical gift giver too, so very frustrating!!! – for my birthday this year he spent a fortune on a new laptop ( i didnt even need a new one but HE thought i needed something bigger and better!!). i would have DEF ratherd he spent the money on the long awaited ring!!!
I recently bought myself a shiney new ring ( man made diamonds- i hate coloured stones) for my right hand ( as all my other rings are from previous boyfriends ect) and sent him a joking text last night saying id tried it on my engagement finger and it looked sooo much better there! He replied saying that i should leave it there till he buys me a ring! I said really and he said well, we have a beautiful son and you cant get rid of me till im dead so go for it! well you can imagine my excitement and its NOT COMING OFF TILL IT GETS A REPLACEMENT!! :-)) So technically hes happy for the world too see Im a taken lady but he wants to find something perfect for my finger!!! I AM SOOOO STOKED!
Do you get to see him often in person? My man works away for 4-6 weeks at a time hence the text conversations! If so, i would just tell him that you dont want him to spend money on a christmas gift and you would love it instead if he could put the money towards a forever ring. tell him it would make you the happiest girl in the world 🙂
Post # 9
Wedo Practical, Romantic, and Sexy- doesnt matter the price or which costs more, but have to cover all the bases- usually takes 3 different presents- unless you are really creative with a irobot- or washing machine
Post # 10
hahaha, for my first Birthday after I had met my now Fiance, he bought me a frying pan! you wanna talk practical. I had the same conversation with him a few months back. please don’t buy me anything useful, buy me something sparkly. So far my presents from him have included said frying pan, a casserole dish, a cord to connect my laptop to my tv and a (very ugly) shatter proof, water proof smart phone.
He was offeneded at first as he thought i was not being appreciative and he too shut down for ages after I made that comment but I later let him know that I didn’t not appreciate the gifts, I just wanted something frivolous and girly sometimes. I knwo with him he hates the idea that I havne’t loved his presents so maybe your SO is the same. Let him know that you have everything you NEED (thanks to him) and now you would love some things you WANT. This way it validates all of the work he has put in to “providing” as well as allowing him now to stop…..
Post # 11
@retreadbride: OMG BEST IDEA EVER!!!!!! Solves all of these problems.
Hehe, I can’t really help as I am the practical gift giver in the relationship and therefore love the practical gifts, but I think definitely give him a better idea and make sure he knows how much you loved his past gifts before you broach the subject again.