(Closed) I think I messed up big time

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

What did his friend tell you that made you want to snoop?

Post # 5
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Honestly, my advice to you would be to step back from the relationship until you have your trust issues somewhat resolved. That may not be the popular opinion but if your Fiance came to the ‘Bee to vent, knowing you “hang out” here…chances are he wanted you to see what he wrote. Trust issues can tear a relationship apart from the inside out and it can make your SO question whether or not you really are the person for them. You are doing the right thing as far as the counseling and recognizing that the problem lies with you and not him….but I think taking a step back may also be in order.

Post # 6
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@FutureMrsChaney: I’m so sorry you are upset.

This is what I think: If he can’t come to you to vent or talk about any issue he has with you instead of coming to “your happy place” to do so, then you are not the only one at fault here. Does that make sense?

 

Post # 7
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i dont blame you for being upset about him coming on the bee, it is our happy place 🙂 and though guys are allowed and i welcome them i dont think i would want my Fiance on here haha… to me its just a little disrespectful (i dont go on his xbox live and talk to people about him)  so i think you have a right to be upset about that.

Trust is so important in a relationship, i try not to snoop but i’m was def guilty in the beginning of our relationship, though having found nothing i dont see the need to any more and that is the best feeling ever. Do your trust issues stem from him? or a previous relationship?

Post # 8
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

it sounds like there was something bothering him that you tried asking him about and he wouldn’t tell you, so you snooped to find out. in which case, it’s not just trust issues on your part, but also communication on his. i don’t know the issues of course, but i just don’t think you should totally blame yourself, communication is so so important and necessary for building trust

Post # 10
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

If he did it anon, you know sometimes guys need to vent too :/ My Fiance isn’t allowed here simply because I have pics of me in my dress up that I can’t figure out how to delete.

As for trust issues, it’s up to your Fiance to decide if he wants to deal with that “baggage”, and if he doesn’t, there isn’t a lot you can do. There usually isn’t an overnight fix for that :/

Post # 12
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Personally..I think couples should know each other’s passwords on everything. Nothing hidden from each other..no secrets, not really separate stuff at all. Just my opinion. If two are becoming one..everything should be out in the open.

Post # 13
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@kalliela: That’s the theory my husband and I believe in.

Post # 15
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m a little confused.  Has he actually talked to you about what he posted online or has he not discussed the problem with him?  Personally, I don’t think it’s horrible that he wanted to gather his thoughts before he talked to you, a lot of bees on here do the exact same thing “how do I tell my Fiance this or that”.  I don’t think it’s horrible that he came on here to talk about it as long as he didn’t air your dirty laundry and point you out “my fi, FutureMrsChaney, …”

I think you need to consider going to counseling for your communication in the relationship (both of you) and your trust issues.  You shouldn’t let your previous relationships hurt your current relationship with your Fiance.  That being said, he needs to understand where you are coming from and might have to approach things differently with you than another relationship while you are learning to get past your future hangups.

Post # 16
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@FutureMrsChaney: completely understandable. I’ve had some serious trust issues with previous relationships which is why i was snooping to begin with. But if your Fiance hasnt actually done anything to ruin your trust i think its  only fair to give him a shot at trying to gain it, i mean he did ask you to marry him, he has to know your background and how it has affected you and i hope he is willing to help you work through these issues, i think the major thing here is to be completely honest and upfront about your feelings. That was one major change i made going into my realtionship with Fiance in the beginning. im hoping he will be nothing but supportive in helping you overcome the trust issue, there are some good men out there, trust me on that one.

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