- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
So, after reading this forum religiously for the past months I finally dicided to ask your help. And I hope I get it!
Well, little backround information on myself first.. First of all, excuse all the grammar mistakes, I live in Finland in northern Europe so my english isn’t the best. So what is my problem..
I met this wonderfull man little over two years ago, and he was just a breath of fresh air to my life, which had been slightly rocky till then. I had been living on my own for a few years back then and I had just come back from the states (where I spent a year studying) Over the years I had definately been hanging with the wrong kind of people, people who treated me badly, men who used me and treated like crap.
And then this wonderfull man just changed me, he was a total opposite of me. He was down to earth, quiet, shy, smart, a few years older than me, he had a good job and was uterly handsome. But he treated me good.
I was the least bit damaged, I was only 18 and had been living on my own since 15 and had had absolutely horrible teenage years so far. Meeting with the wrong boys and just being beaten down with life. And as you can easily imagine when this man came in to my life I fell in love hard, he was so honest and pure. I felt like no one had ever accepted me like he had, no one had ever been so honest.
Our relationship got off to a good start and we got engaged at the six month mark, at the same time when we moved in together. Out of the two of us I was the grown up one. Living a alone and sort of being an adult your whole small life, really makes you grow up fast. We were in love and even though there were fights within the first year or so there was never nothing we couldnt over come. And it was like this for a year and a half.
Over this time I feel like I have grown as a person, in a different way. I have gained self respect. I was never raised to respect myself or my body, I was grown up in a way that I had this image in my head that only if I make it somehow or do something Ill be worth being in this world. And now that I have learned to value my self as a person and learning that settling is not good and it’s more than ok to have dreams and reach for them, I have started to wonder about this relationship.
On the paper everything is perfect between us, we own our own condo and it is my pride, It is a beautiful home which is nicely decorated, we are not rich but we can manage and planning in getting married after I graduate.
I am in college but we do fine with his paychecks. But now I just can’t shake the feeling that this perfect suburban pirture perfect life isn’t what I want. I am loud and outgoing and want to make something out of me, I want to matter. But my fiance is happy just where he is, he doesn’t want anything grand, he want to do just ok in life. He doesnt want to see the world or travel, right here is fine. I want something else, not material things but to do something important and be something important. I want to tavel to places, learn languages and educate myself. I want to teach young girls to respect themselves, I want to do something good with my past to someone else.
I can feel my self loosing faith in this relationship and starting to wonder wheter I would have fallen in love with this man if I would’ve not been beaten down so badly earlier in my life.
Do I want something else? He is quiet and shy, I am loud and friendly, he wants to play computer games when I want to go out and meet friends and have fun. I am not sure if this is just something that has come on its own and is unavoidable or if this is just due of the changes in my life, new school, massive weight loss–> confidence… especially this weight loss, I have changed and I don’t want to settle, but all this is permanent. Gosh, i dont know..
So my fellow bees,
any advice on my short problem?