(Closed) I think I might not be in love anymore?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First, I think it’s amazing how you turned your life around and that you hope to strive to accomplish more in the future.  That being said, I don’t think you should write off your relationship. As life progresses, people change over time. It’s normal. Sometimes, one partner may exceed the other in terms of emotional growth or financial success, but I don’t think it is the kiss of death in a relationship. I have way more schooling than my Fiance and a job that pays nearly double the income he has, but to me those are material things that have little to no impact on our relationship. It’s more important to me that the love, respect, and emotional support that we have for each other is maintained. Instead of focusing on the differences between you two, why not try to find common ground. Find hobbies that you both can enjoy. Even if you can’t, discuss your feelings with your Fiance. maybe you two can find a way to work it out. That way if the relationship ends, you will know you did everything you can to make it work. Good luck.

 

Post # 4
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

only you know what you feel in your heart. You can travel with out him-wouldn’t it be nice to know you always have someone to come home to?

Post # 7
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My Fiance and I are very different. I love to go out with friends, have fun, be loud. He is happy to stay at home, where it’s quiet, and watch tv. We are both okay with that! We have our time but then we also have time away from each other. I keeps us from resenting each other. I know couples where one loves to travel and does without her spouse and they are fine with that too. Only you can decide what the best decision is for you though! 

Post # 8
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MaijuMaiju: You’re welcome. In the end, I hope you make the best decision for yourself. Take care.

Post # 9
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

People grown and change over time and just because you are a little different doesn’t mean you should be looking else where. However, you really haven’t been together all that long and to be honest I think it takes some time to really see the whole picture like you may be now. If you are having doubts you should ask yourself what you really want long term. Can you do all your partying and traveling with girlfriends if that’s what you want to do. Will you be satisfied with a man who is content sitting at home all the time playing games? Can you imagine your life without him? I think you need to figure out what you want in life and how to see him in that life. I did that when I was getting cold feet with my husband, and we have almost everything in common, and I couldn’t see myself without him beside me.

Post # 10
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hey fellow Finn (the first one I’ve come across on these boards)! Wink

These things are hard, and like someone else said only you can know what’s right for you. I see you have your wedding set for 2014? That means you still have lots of time! If I were you, I’d probably take the time to figure out how I feel and not plan the wedding until I’d be sure it’s the right thing to do.

Personally, I love traveling so much that I could not imagine spending my life with a person who didn’t share my passion. 🙂 Sure, they say opposites attract, but what happens when the initial attraction fades over time and you find yourself with a person with whom you have nothing in common? I think the key to a lasting, happy marriage is to share similar interests and goals in life and to be able to do things that you both enjoy together. Also, you say things like “on PAPER everything’s great” and “I don’t want to settle”. I think that says a lot about how you feel. I’m not saying dump your guy, but just a few points to think about!

Sorry to be the downer here, you know how us pessimistic Finns are! Tongue Out

Post # 11
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@MaijuMaiju: He is an introvert and you are an extrovert. Sometimes, you need a person to anchor you and he may need a person to help spice up his social interaction a bit. Is he a nice person? Is he honest? Is he respectful? Are you physically and sexually attracted to him? Is he funny? Is he a good provider? I have felt the way that you feel and I have never known the feeling of contentment in my life until maybe 6 months ago. Some people find contentment much sooner and for some of us it takes a bit longer. You too will become more settled as you get a little older. It took me 31 years to EVER experience that feeling. Good luck to you and be patient with those who have loved when you were not able to love yourself. Those types of genuine people are not easy to replace.  

Post # 12
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

Don’t forget that he’s the reason you have this newfound self-respect and self-love in the first place, so if you leave him he will probably feel used. And ask yourself, will you truly be happier without him?

You can still be someone and do big things like you said and he can be at your side to support you, as he has throughout your relationship. You can have your individual lives and differing interests and still be a couple. Relationships are all about compromise and meeting in the middle.

I would just re-think it, and try to remember what life was like before him. You have stability now, and it sounds like that’s what you were searching for all this time, so why sabotage that? Good luck. 

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