(Closed) I Think I Picked the Wrong Person…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It’s not all about your Maid/Matron of Honor and its never appropriate as an adult to throw a tantrum like that. Do realize though…it can be kind of hurtful to have your own SO excluded when you are putting time and money and effort into being in a wedding.

I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my old roommate’s/friend’s wedding a little over a year ago, and she didn’t invite my boyfriend (now FI). I was honestly kind of upset about it. She had known Fiance almost as long as she had known her now husband, AND she and Fiance are friends. If he had been my flavor of the week that she’d never met, that would have been one thing, but we were all going on 6 years by that point! Plus, it was not an expensive or space limited wedding.

However, I chose not to say anything. We are still close and she actually helped Fiance plan my own engagement about a year later, and she will be in my wedding (though not my MOH). I came to realize that some things are just worth letting go. I got over it…hopefully your Maid/Matron of Honor will too.

Post # 33
Member
34 posts
Newbee

I think it is weird that I have to invite total strangers to my biggest day.. and pay for them to be there… just because they ar dating someone I do know…

Post # 34
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

View original reply
@Atalanta: I think you are being a little harsh. MyLittleTurtleDove wrote that at the time she put the guest list together she didn’t think they were serious. I know that some people become serious quite quickly but I have to believe that they couldn’t have been in a relationship for very long if MyLittleTurtleDove thought they weren’t serious. Since guest lists are planned months (if not years) in advance, especially those for small weddings, MyLittleTurtleDove did the best she could with the information she had.

Also, even though now they are serious, it doesn’t matter because it sounds like there really is no room for an additional person regardless of who they are. I think the OP is clearly not trying to undermine her MOH’s relationship, she just doesn’t have room.

Maybe a candid conversation between MyLittleTurtleDove & her maid of honor would help but it sounds like its been done. IDK though, maybe if the maid of honor knew that MyLittleTurtleDove didn’t have anything against the boyfriend and didn’t realize how serious the relationship was when she sent out the invites the maid of honor would be more understanding. But maybe not.

Post # 35
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I am in a similar situation and I do NOT agree that weddings are just a place where people have to come as a couple.

I am also having a small wedding and am not inviting any “plus ones” for my best friends or my fiance’s sister/brother etc – and they’ll be fine! It was my choice to have only close friends and family – and that is who we invited.

Your friend has a bigger responsibility as Maid/Matron of Honor in your wedding than to entertain her boyfriend all night. I say let her throw her trantrum and get someone more mature to fill the role.

Post # 36
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@MrsTtheArmy11: What responsibility does the Maid/Matron of Honor have during the reception? I have never been to a wedding reception where the bride and groom aren’t basking in the newly married light. lol What is the Maid/Matron of Honor supposed to do, follow them around? Responsibility is to have a good time, not bother the bride and groom who are busy with their responsibilities of talking with the guests.

 

I understand why the Maid/Matron of Honor would be upset. But it sounds like what is done is done, there is no room, hopefully she knows other people to hang out with. I hope it doesn’t cause problems in your relationship in the long run.

Post # 37
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@MissCallieJean: I didn’t say anything specifically about the reception – but, on that note I’ve been to many of weddings where the bridal party stays together, dances together etc., especially if they are close friends. 

My main point was that it isn’t absolutely necessary that the OP’s friend have someone to essentially take on a date to her friends wedding. Just my opinion.

Post # 38
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s your wedding, not hers.  Bringing a date is a perk, it’s not required.  If she won’t come because her puppy dog boyfriend can’t follow her then she needs to rethink your relationship as well as her with her boyfriend. 

I’d explain to her that you want her there, but this is how things are and you don’t have the space and you are very sorry she can’t have him there.  YOUR family comes before HER boyfriend. If she doesn’t understand that then you should ask her to bow out.  She is not looking out for you, she’s looking out for herself. 

Post # 39
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@mylittleturtledove

Have you offered a +1 to anyone elce on your guest list? If not then you do not have to offer one to your Maid/Matron of Honor. If she knows that your guest list was planned far in advance, then there is no reason she could not have brought it up sooner, especially if she assumed her B/f would be invited.

My personal feelings are that it sucks to be her in this position. If it were me, I would rather have family and real friends be around me, especially if it is a small wedding.  If she drops out, then she showed her true colors.  Small weddings are FRIENDS and Family olny… not random strangers just because their dating your friend.

Post # 40
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

She can’t be away from her boyfriend for a few hours to fulfill her Maid/Matron of Honor duties to you?  Hmm…

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