(Closed) I think I should leave- I don't want this forced proposal anymore

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What would you do?
    Leave and just move on cause you don't want something that he has been pushed into? : (67 votes)
    44 %
    Stick with it, maybe he has something planned-massively unlikely though? : (25 votes)
    16 %
    Stick with it a bit longer and then speak to him? : (62 votes)
    40 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    Forget about getting engaged…do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. If not leave. Leave because you don’t want to be with them not because of this engagement drama you have created.

    If you do want to stay in this relationship you need to let it go. At this point you have made it so he can’t be right (when he bought hte ring was wrong, how he bought it, the dinner plans). You need to refocus on building a strong relationship and move forward from there.

     

    Post # 33
    Member
    1768 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 1997

    @mollypuppy:  argh, feel for you. Youve had to pursue him, I unerstand your feelings. I wouls start getting on with my life. If he wants you, he will come for you. I see it here all the time. Who the heck wants a proposal when at every turn youve had to prod the guy, get his timeline etc. , yet aee it here on the bee all the time. Either give up your dream of a proposal, and propose yourself, or move on. sorry hon.

    Post # 34
    Member
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think you should talk to him about how you feel before you do anything rash. You need to clear the air before you move forward or break up. Did you guys have a legal document drawn up on how the house would be split in case of a breakup? I hope so!

    Post # 35
    Member
    1789 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Hon, go have a glass of wine and a bubble bath. PLEASE 

    Post # 36
    Member
    1555 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Poor guy can’t win for losing.

    Post # 37
    Member
    1654 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Sounds to me like you’re forcing him pretty badly. You should not have purchased a house together if this was how you were going to act. Men, and women, when put in a tough and/or controlling situation with someone they have feelings for, will more often than not say things that they will or can not follow through on. You need to be prepared for this, and it doesn’t seem like you are. Have a long talk with him about this and seek his honest opinion.

    Post # 38
    Member
    9094 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    No one said you’re a terrible person. Everyone said you need to chill the hell out and cool your jets. Pressuring a man to propose to you is not what you should be doing. A man should want to propose, not feel forced into it, and if you’re hounding him, no doubt he sounds pressured.

     

    Let go of the steering wheel and let him do something on his own. If he proposes, fantastic. If he doesn’t, give him a few days.

    PS: Stop checking up on him. You’re his girlfriend, not his mother.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    Darling Husband bought my ring with credit. It doesn’t mean that he didn’t want to marry me or anything. I think you need to relax. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee

    OP I agree with the rest of the posters. Relax. Let him take the steering wheel for a bit and see where it goes. I think Mr. Bee’s plan would be very helpful for you.

    Here’s a link to Mr. Bee’s 3 step plan: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mr-bees-three-step-plan-and-backup-plan-for-getting-engaged#axzz2XaQbOmTy

     

     

    @mamadingdong:  I think there’s a big difference between a woman pressuring a guy to propose and a guy actually being pressured into proposing. I don’t think that guys are pressured into proposing that frequently (not saying it never happens) because it makes no sense to me that a guy would spend thousands of dollars to buy a ring, propose, and go through with a wedding if he actually didn’t want to do it.

    Post # 41
    Member
    1430 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    If you don’t want to push for a proposal anymore, stop pushing him to propose! Not trying to sound mean, but that’s the only way you’re gonna be happy. Go out and focus on yourself for a bit. Let him propose in his own time and how he wants to. And a proposal doesn’t have to be an elaborate set up. My Fiance proposed to me while I was sitting at the computer without any speech or elaborate plan. But he did it when he was ready and in hindsight I’m happy he waited till then. Give your man some space and wait to see what happens without having your mind constantly preoccupied with “will it happen today”.

    Post # 42
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I think the question is do you doubt your FI’s desire to propose or do you doubt his committment? Do you talk about marriage and the future frequently? You’ve been together for a number of years and you have a house together. He sounds pretty committed to you.

    I don’t know your FI’s financial situation, but it sounds like he just made a big purchase with the house. Putting a ring on a credit card does not automatically mean he doesn’t love you or isn’t serious about marrying you — maybe that’s just what made the best financial sense to him.

    I’d go ahead and try to focus on other projects right now. If you sit around thinking that every dinner reservation and every vacation is going to lead to a proposal, that will just drive you nuts. He has a ring, he’ll do it when he’s ready. In the meantime, you can take up a new sport or volunteer at a new organization that you’re passionate about.

    Post # 43
    Member
    2480 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I truly think you are on quite different pages and I also suspect that the more you push for this engagement the less you are likely to get the proposal. Or, if he does propose, how certain are you that he’ll ever go through with the wedding?

    I’m not suggesting you up and leave but I do think you need a proper conversation that doesn’t involve hints, tears, pushing or persuasion but instead concentrates on what you BOTH want from this relationship. Ask him outright if he actually wants to marry you and get a straight answer. Only your posts really sadden me because you are in a state of constant hope which is then dashed by uncertainty and his failure to deliver. In fact, it has become almost an obsession for you and this just isn’t healthy. There should be much more to your life than these endless ups and downs which get you nowhere nearer to a proposal or, for that matter, any security about your relationship.

    So, as calmly as possible, tell him that you need to know where you stand. Has he got a ring or is this just an excuse to keep you hanging on? If he hasn’t got a ring then ask if he truly means to get one or is just stalling for time. You might not get the answers you want to hear but at least you will be released from what increasingly comes across as torment.

    Post # 44
    Member
    251 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @mollypuppy:  if he wants to marry you he will propose. just let it go….

    Post # 45
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I waited 6 years for a proposal so I know it can be very frustrating but he bought the ring, that shows he is commited, like others have said if he I didn’t want to propose he wouldn’t, and you shouldnhe leave him just because hid didn’t plan so big proposal! I don’t get why it is so bad that he didn’t make a dinner reservation until the night before? Getting engaged is about asking you to marry him, not some big show it shouldnt really matter where or when. The marriage is the important part.

    Post # 46
    Member
    945 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    If you think you should leave, leave. Give the poor guy a break. It sounds like you’re taking all the fun out of the only part of this process HE gets to control.

    The topic ‘I think I should leave- I don't want this forced proposal anymore’ is closed to new replies.

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