(Closed) I think I want a baby, help! *long*

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

In all honesty, I would wait.  For 2 reasons…

1. You may have no debt, but eventually you will want a home.  I think you should focus on that first.  Also, focus on school and your education.  This is an amazing opportunity for you to be able to work parttime and devote the rest of your time to studying.

2. You are young…so enjoy your younger years together.  I have no option to do that!  If we don’t have our children soon, then I will be “advanced maternal age” by our second one.  I wish we could have spent our 20s together (kid free!)

That’s my advice, but who am I?  ๐Ÿ™‚  Either way, best of luck!

Post # 5
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my only concern is that your still live with your inlaws and that you say we currently have “no debt”…ummm, im guessing because you still live with your inlaws you really are not financially independant

otherwise my sister had 3 sons by the time she was 21 and 30yrs later she is still married to her hubby and they are still happy, she enjoyed the children while she was young and had energy and now they are off her hands and she is enjoying life with her husband so young parents are not all horror stories

i say give yourself a year or so of married life with your hubby (and school) before taking the next step


edit: and never say never about owning your own home – you never know what the future holds for you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I would wait, you have tons of time. Enjoy being married, move out on your own even if it’s just renting and live your life together. Go back to school and then see how you feel. More than likely, you are just having the post wedding planning letdown and you’re bored. A baby is going to fill up your spare time and SO MUCH more. 

Post # 8
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

If you want to be a teacher, I promise you that you should wait to have kids until at least after your first year teaching.  That first year is incredibly difficult, and that’s without the added stress of a child- it was one of the hardest years I’ve ever had.  I know that you want one now (me too!!!), but I would highly suggest you wait until after your career is (not just your job) is set.  Just my opinion, of course!  :):):)

Post # 9
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

“If we moved we could afford a home, but I anticipate being a teacher, and Mr. Joe would like to go to night school to be a vet tech, which wont cut it for home ownership in nyc lol”

I think this statement you made says it all.  You’re not a teacher (yet), and your hubby is not a vet tech (yet). 

I say focus on your education, building your careers, saving money, moving out on your own before you start thinking of having children.  You’d be surprised how little 6 months of savings will get you nowadays.  If home ownership is so unfeasible, may I ask what you plan on doing for the rest of your marriage?  Surely you don’t plan on living with your inlaws forever! 

You’re still really young, and you have plenty of time for kids… just my two cents!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
40 posts

I would plan on waiting until you’re finished with school. I just finished my degree this year while working a part time job. I was SO busy with school and work that I barely had time to take care of myself (much less a baby). Unless you’re willing to cut back on the hours/semester and be in school a little longer than expected then I wouldn’t recommend trying just yet. I don’t have any children so I’m not an expert on the subject, just my POV from the school aspect. Also if you waited, you could take a break between graduation and finding a job to have a baby and get yourself grounded and figure out what you want to do (but know you always have your degree to fall back on).

As far as the living aspect, I’m sure you’ll want your own space eventually and if you want a baby, you’re definitely going to need it! My family lives an hour outside of NYC in CT and the housing around there is affordable. The apartments are nice and aren’t ridiculously expensive (as I imagine NYC is). It’s only a short ride into the city on the train if you need to go there because of your job or school. But that’s just a suggestion! Good luck with your decision.

Post # 11
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly I would wait.  I know there are people that have babies in worse situations for you, but don’t you want a <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>damn <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>good situation for your future kids?  If so, I think they deserve a mom who is done with school and parents who own a home for them to rest their little bodies in.  Just my two cents…good luck with whatever you decide!

Post # 12
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

If I were you, I would wait until after I finish school and have a stable job. You should not just think of yourself but also your soon to be baby. Right now you said you are financially ok but when the baby comes, things will be different. 

Also I think you should also consider having your own home. Its nice to have your own home when you started having kids. And how about travel and other things? There’s still so much to do. But then that’s just my opinion. 

Post # 13
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I’d also advise waiting but not based on home ownership. I think it is perfectly acceptable to decide you don’t want to own a home and are fine renting. However, I think it is important that you do live alone before starting a family. Both for your relationship with your husband and your extended family. I also think it would be best for you to finish school first. College is a huge part of shaping who you are, maybe you will discover an interest you didn’t forsee or b given the opprutunity to do an internship in another location, these are things that you can do much easier without a baby at home. It may seem like the selfish route but I think you should focus on you and your husband for some time before having children. You have no debt now but it sounds like you both intend to go back to school and debt piles up fast when you are in college, paying tuition and only working part time.

Post # 14
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would wait.  I too want a baby, but I realize that I have to wait in order to have a better life for my future kids.  

There were a couple of things that worry me. . . you say that you and your husband should never strive for home ownership because the houses in your area are too expensive.  The thing is, $350,000 for a 3 bedroom home (even in the not so nice areas) is not ridiculous.  Expensive, yes but not unobtainable.  While I know I live in a different state than you, I also live in an expensive state.

This kind of goes back to the not wanting a house thing, but you guys chose careers that won’t allow you to own a home?  Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you might want to check your numbers.  With those salaries, you should be able to buy a house.  The thing is, why would you want jobs that are not going to support you and your family?  I understand the value of enjoying your job, but what’s the point of going to working those years in school if you can’t survive with a job that you studied for?

Post # 15
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Actually Slicey, you’re right . . .

Joeswifey – I don’t think you should own a home if you don’t want to. . . maybe I’m just feeling like you too have chosen careers which you don’t think you can live on.  Something about it really bugs me.

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