(Closed) I think I want a divorce…rantish…

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1309 posts
Bumble bee

Yikes. Cut your losses and get out now.

Post # 3
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think I would try therapy to try to solve you differences when it comes to finances, maybe see if your bank has a financial planner the two of you can meet with as well. Is the credit card debt all yours? Why would you put yourself $10K in debt just because he had a certain wedding vision. You have to blame yourself for some of this as well.

I don’t know why you thought marriage would make him change. Marriage never fixes relationships problems.

Post # 4
246 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t have married a man that was irresponsible with finances to begin with – but I’m really sorry bee, that must be really hard. If he’s not willing to admit he has a problem or get help then there’s nothing you can do. You should try to start getting your ducks in a row to make an escape. 

Post # 6
11647 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

anonymousbeekeeper:  in some states debt is split in the case of divorce. It happened to my friend – her husband had lied to her about his financial state, turned out he was in a lot of debt.they were only married for a few months but she had to pay all of his previous debt off. 

But, I hope you can resolve this without a divorce. try what PP mentioned with you both going to a financial counselor. 

Post # 7
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Unfortunately, too many people go into marriage expecting that the other person will change.

Post # 9
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

anonymousbeekeeper:  Oh hun.  I’m sorry.  I really am.  I almost married a guy similar to your husband…thank goodness that never resulted in a marriage!

These are huge issues that cannot be overlooked and no amount of couple’s therapy or anything is going to help you as a couple.  You have been with him for 9 years and he hasn’t changed in that time.  He showed you who he is.  He is showing you now through his lack of action that he does not care about you and he does not love you.  You are worth so much more than this man can give you.  Not to mention it is VERY telling that in your post you do not say a single redeeming quality about him.  That should tell you something.  It’s time to get a good lawyer and get OUT of this.

Post # 11
1042 posts
Bumble bee

No advice just here To send my support. Sorry bee!

Post # 12
11647 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

anonymousbeekeeper: oh, honey. You’re not a joke, you’re a human being whose heart is a bit broken.

It’s easy to see now that the truism is there for a reason, as julies points out people don’t change when they get married (unless it’s for the worse, I’ve seen that). But you can’t change that now. It’s a life lesson.

I know you’re upset but I hope Monday morning you can make plans to see a financial counselor and a lawyer  for yourself and start taking steps to remedy this situation.


Post # 13
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

What family support do you have? Can you move in with someone while you go through the divorce and save to pay off the debt?

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