(Closed) I think I want to call it off…

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

No one knows your relationship or your feelings better than you.  If you don’t see him being the companion in life that you need/want, then you’ll have to be strong and make the right decision for you.  This is the rest of your life you are considering.  So sorry you are going through this.

Post # 4
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

You need to break up with him.  You deserve someone who cares about you like you care about him.  It’s definitely a one sided relationship and no matter how you look at it, it will never be fair.  You should never have to censor what you’re saying around the one you love. 

Post # 5
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

You sound very wise. Trust in yourself to make the best decision for you, then follow through no matter how hard it is.

My male coworker broke up with his ex as they were addressing invitations for their wedding, despite how hard it was on him and how guilty he felt. A few months later he started talking to my best friend, and I am now watching them fall head over heels in love. I have never seen either of them like this with anyone else, or this happy about anything in general. It is great to see and just solidifies my belief that sometimes the hard decisions are the best ones.

Post # 6
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

There are so many red flags here that i don’t know where to even begin. I am so sorry that you have to go through this, but you deserve better.

Post # 7
8027 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeah, I think you should call it off- for several reasons, sorry.

Post # 8
58 posts
Worker bee

Woah, from a third-party strangers point of view, I saw a couple of red flags in what you just wrote. I do not know you and only know what you just wrote, so please take the rest of my comment with that grain of salt…

First of all- he lied about his bachelors? If you’re willing to lie about an educational degree (and I take it that you take education seriously since you finished undergrad and went on to grad school), then who knows what his boundaries are for lying. On top of that, the agreeing to be engaged to move in together, and then changing his mind a tad too late.. to me, that strikes me as disrepectful to you and your agreement.

Second red flag is the not getting a DL and you having to drive everywhere, on top of you making all decisions. And yet he criticizes for things like not being glued to his side? That does not seem like a mutually agreed upon arrangement and he, not being independent, is enjoying the free rides.

And bottom line, if you don’t feel that feelings are reciprocated, that is a sign of a structural problem in the relationship…

Yikes :/ You sound like a strong lady. If you feel you need to end it, then I have faith that you are doing the right thing and will come out of all this all right. You deserve a fulfilling life!

Post # 9
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Run away!  Him lying to you and basically having you support him and drive him around like his mommy is not ok!  I think you should probably talk to him before he leaves.  Please don’t worry about hurting his feelings, breakups will always hurt the people in the relationship.  Just be honest with him.

Post # 10
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You sound very unhappy in the relationship. It sounds like you’re making all the decisions for him because he is codependent, but it also seems like a way to control you as well. Very passive agressive. All in all, it doesn’t sound at all like a healthy relationship and he doesn’t sound like he wants to get married. It seems like he just wants the security.

Post # 11
1102 posts
Bumble bee

You sound wise, sensible and like you’d be a great catch for any guy. He sounds like a child. So yes, I agree with you that you should break it off. And I think it should be before he leaves on the 21st, because you will need to discuss practicalities like splitting any joint assets, finances, etc. It can be amicable but it depends on how he takes it – no matter what he does or says, stay true to your feelings and know that you are making the right decision no matter what. Get all the practicalities sorted, wave him off (in a taxi, don’t go to the airport!) and then take some time to really look after yourself and heal. Good luck, I know it’s a big, yucky, messy decision and the next couple of months are going to be hard but you sound like a strong person who will be just fine 🙂

Post # 12
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you have really thought it out and know what is best for you, though. Good luck! *****hugs*****

Post # 13
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Trust your instincts. I think your intutition is right on.

Post # 14
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t have any idea on the best way to do it. However, you should be proud of yourself for recognizing the problem and getting yourself out of this before it goes any further. As painful as this is, it’s far worse to get a divorce than it is to call off a wedding.

Post # 15
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

run. as fast as you can, in the opposite direction.

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