(Closed) I think I want to elope!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well, having like what I’m having (I call it a “scheduled elopement” or really intimate wedding) can do away with politics like that with the bridesmaids and all and all the hullaballoo that goes along with this.

We chose to do this because we had to cancel our wedding on the gulf coast due to the oil spill and were concerned about our guests spending so much $ to come to a wedding and maybe not be able to even swim at the beach.

We’re having however, after we get back, our reception, and my bm’s are going to wear dresses they pick out in our wedding colors and I’m having the florist create for them each a small nosegay of flowers for them.  We’re even having a second cake at our reception (the larger more elaborate cake), entertainment, and will show the video and pics of the wedding on a screen!  Having a very elegant dinner reception for our guests, exactly as we would have for our wedding reception, but without the ceremony, that’s all!


Post # 4
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ah, that’s a lot of resistance you’re dealing with.

First off- in a very polite, tactful way, ask your Maid/Matron of Honor not to alter the dress.  I don’t know the style so I’ll take your word for it and say its a no go.  Just try your hardest to assure her that she looks great in it.  I really don’t know what to say about her not wanting to help out.  I’ve had similar problems.  I realized its just a personality thing, they don’t necessarily mean any harm, its just who they are kinda.  It sucks.  But maybe if you bring it to her attention (again, in a polite, respectful way) she might start to help more. 

I know you don’t know your Future Sister-In-Law, but I think I’d ask her to be in the wedding.  That’s your FI’s family, and you don’t want to start the marriage off with bad blood between you and her, or your Future Mother-In-Law.  It sucks, it may be awkward, but at least you tried. 

Your Fiance has to deal with his Groomsmen, don’t even intervene.  If you can’t afford to pay for their clothing (I certainly wouldn’t be able to!), then they have to step up.  They should be grateful they’re not renting a tux!  He may have to just say, “As a groomsman, I need you to fulfill certain obligations, this is one of them.  I’ll understand if you can’t afford it, but please tell me now so we can figure something out”. 

Post # 5
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Sorry people are being difficult… But I think if you said you want help and less stress, would be more accurate than saying you want to elope, right?
Have you thought about not having a bridal party? I mean, in your case, they are not helpful and bring you more work than anything else…

Post # 7
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think your Fiance needs to get his groomsmen in line — paying for one’s own outfit is the most basic Groomsmen duty! 

And I do think you’re right about your Maid/Matron of Honor – if you feel strongly about her not altering the dress, then she should respect that. 

Regarding various members of the bridal party being more or less helpful, I think that’s something the vast majority of brides has to live with. You’ll have BMs who genuinely want to help, BMs who do the bare minimum, and BMs who barely even ask you about the wedding, much less help you plan. This doesn’t mean that someone who helps you a lot is a better person or friend. Some girls are just really into weddings, planning, stationery, etc, so for them, it’s fun to help you out. Others just really aren’t interested in wedding planning. They should still buy dresses and show up to shower, wedding, etc, but I don’t think they are obligated to help you plan, so I wouldn’t hold it against them.

When you feel like you want to elope, just know that you are far from the only bride to have to face wedding party drama, and remember how helpful some of your bridesmaids have been. And I’m sure you’ll be able to deal with the rogue groomsmen and your MOH’s dress issues! 

Post # 8
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Here are my opinions:

Have Fiance deal with the Groomsmen, or give them their clothes as their gifts. 

To Maid/Matron of Honor, just say NO to her shortening the gown, if she wants to wear it again after the wedding she can shorten it then!  But you chose it for a reason, and it is your wedding!

Find the Future Sister-In-Law something else to do!!!  You do NOT need a crybaby who always gets her way to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, that is just asking for MORE TROUBLE!!!  Make sure whatever job you come up with, she can’t throw a fit about/change circumstances that you won’t like!!! Maybe she can do a reading, or greet people and have them sign a guest book and hand out programs. 

Best Wishes, 🙂

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