Post # 1
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Who’s seen the Friends episode?! Where the gang talks about Phoebe being phased out? Pretty sure I’m Phoebe right now.
A month and a half ago a friend sent me a facebook message with some personal issues. She asked to move in with DH and I for a few months while she started her first job and saved up money for an apartment. No offer to pay rent or anything. And my husband isn’t working–I can’t really afford a third person. I lamented about the situation, offered some ideas, told her she could stay with us for a weekend while she apartment hunted, and left it at that. No response. After 3 days, I responded back, “you okay? Haven’t heard from you”. She asked a mutual friend if she could move in with her and she said yes.
It’s now been 6 weeks and I haven’t heard from her. I posted on her wall, saying “I sent you some messages and haven’t heard back–did the internet eat them?”. SHE DELETED IT. Yep, deleted the facebook message on her wall yesterday.
I called today. Got voicemail. No return call.
Not sure what’s up. Maybe she’s pissed I wouldn’t let her live with my husband and I for a few months. Maybe she has family issues going on. I don’t know, but being ignored is ridiculous. If you don’t want to be my friend, at least don’t be a wank about it and tell me. Ignoring every type of contact is just childish and immature. Because I’d at least like to know if I have a friend anymore or not.
Post # 3
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
eek.
kind of sounds like ‘or not’ to me.
she’s probably butthurt that you couldn’t offer her a handout when she needed help. that or she’s embarrassed that she poured her heart out to you and got what she felt to be an unsympathetic reply.
either way, sucks 🙁
Post # 4
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
That sucks a lot. Maybe you could talk to the mutual friend to determine what’s going on?
Post # 5
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
Wow. She just seems to be asking very immature. I know you’re friends. But if a “friend” isn’t understanding, and blows you off just like that and deletes your posts, etc, idk….
Doesn’t seem like a good friend to me. I say that you’re better off.
I sound like a wonderful friend to me. Don’t take it to harshly.
Post # 6
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
She might be mad about it. But honestly, moving in with a newlywed couple is kind of….creepy, let alone inconsiderate. I hope she matures up fast, but then again, no answer is an answer.
Post # 7
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
Sounds like someone you don’t want to be friends with. It’s really rude to ask to move in with a friend unless you have to. Not to mention being so passive agressive.
Post # 8
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Meh, I actually have mixed feelings about it. Mostly confusion. I’m just letting it work out for itself. Yes, she’s relatively immature and I’ve kinda been waiting for her grow up, thinking she’d be a great friend again once she “caught up”. Things were good a few years ago. Then when my husband got deployed and my brother died, I went through a rough patch–she handled it poorly as a friend, making out with her boyfriend in my living room with me right there, and she even told me it was a good thing my brother was dead. Not what you say to someone the day it happens. And it wouldn’t have happened if he’d been raised right. I chalked it up to her being young and naive about life. After she visited my parents’ house with me one time, she rubbed my mom the wrong way so much she’s no longer permitted to come. Wow, listen to me. I should put 2 and 2 together, eh?
And yeah, maybe the reply wasn’t what she wanted to hear (she has two siblings who live in this city, though), but mom and DH gave me a thumbs up on it so I thought it was well worded. I told our mutual friend (a close friend of mine) what happened and told her that if she talked to her, to encourage her to talk to me and let me know what’s up, that I at least deserve to know what’s going on.
But yeah, multiple people (mom, DH, best friend…) have told me it’s a) immature b) ridiculous and c) she wasn’t that great of a friend anyways. She used to be.
Talk about taking a cue, eh?! DH says to not waste energy worrying about it, but it just gets under my skin, man.
Post # 9
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I’m sorry for that situation. I don’t think that she has any right to be mad at you for not letting her live with you without paying any expenses. It doesn’t really sound like she is a good person to treat you like that over that simple of a thing. You’re better off without her!
Post # 10
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
I can’t believe she said that to you about your brother. I’m sitting here reading it with wide eyes, like OMG!! I hope she grows up a bit and can become a good friend. And if you can give her a second chance than she is lucky!!
Post # 11
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
My mouth just dropped open….she said it was a good thing your brother passed? OMG, what a peice of work.
Post # 12
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Yeah. She knew about my brothers’ previous drug problem. His tox report was clean, though. And he’d just gotten out of rehab. So, it was definitely a premature judgement based on her part and I know how negatively people react when they think drugs+accident. =
Post # 13
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
She’s probably mad. I think you honestly did her a favor by not letting her stay with you. She needs to grow up & see what she’s made of! It’s time to sink or swim 🙂 Plus you & your DH are newlyweds! Anyone see “You, Me & Dupree”? Awwwwkward!
I’ve gone through a friend overhaul this past year myself. There were a few friends that made me wondered if we didn’t grow up together, would we really be friends?? If not, they got the boot. Harsh, but I strongly believe in surrounding myself with people who are uplifting & inspiring! The things she said about your brother & the way she has behaved is not the type of friend you need. I would count this as a blessing in disguise… especially if your husband & family agree.
edit: I was quoting the episode where Monica finds out that Phoebe tried to cut her out!
Post # 14
Member
2511 posts
Sugar bee
From the things you’ve written that she has said and done in the past, I’m thinking that she’s just a very selfish and insincere person, and maybe she just used to be better at hiding it than she is nowdays! I cannot believe she ever said that to you about your brother passing away! What a nasty, thoughtless and hateful thing to say to you! Before I read your second post, I was going to say that apparently she’s ticked off at you for not letting her leech off of you for as long as she needs, which I can’t believe she would just ask you if she could live with you free and clear in the first place. Now that I read your second post and what kind of person she sounds like, it doesn’t really surprise me! You were more than gracious enough to offer her to stay for the weekend, and she is too self-centered to see the big picture (as in, your husband currently being unemployed and you guys not being financially able to support anyone else right now) so IMO you are better off not having her as a “friend”. If she were truly a friend, she wouldn’t be so immature about it, playing facebook games and deleting your comments and such. That’s ridiculous! Regardless of whether you could let her stay or not, she should have at least offered that she could pay you back in a couple months when she gets back on her feet or whatever, but she didn’t even do that! Ugh… I know this post is rambling but I absolutely hate “friends” who turn out not to be friends at all. I’ve experienced that a lot and it is a HUGE dissapointment. Anyways, I know it would help you to be able to talk to her, so you could at least get some closure on things and know what’s going on. I hope it all works out!
Post # 15
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
@recessionistabride, lol, i caught the friends reference right away. I *may* own all 10 seasons. I *may* have seen each season at least 25 times. I *may* know them all by heart. =]
And i know you guys are right. I guess it’s just one of those things where it’s hard to realize on your own and even harder to act on it. Only, I’m not really the one doing the booting. I’m going to feel really foolish if there’s something else, completely unrelated going on, but it’s hard not to put the pieces together.
My best friend thinks the whole thing is bizarre and ridiculous….we do have mutual friends which could make *some* things awkward in the future. Awkward for her, I guess! ha.
Thanks for letting me know what I’ve always known, haha. Reinforcement is good. I’m already less anxious and wrapped up in the situation.
Post # 16
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
We *may* have the same problem and I *may* consider myself the 7th friend! lol