(Closed) I think I'm done TTC.

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 31
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I am not yet TTC but I can imagine the frustration (as much as I can having not been in that situation).  I think you’re doing the right thing for what its worth, you are seeing a fertility specialist, and you are trying to keep an open mind about the possibility of not ever having children which is a good thing as well.  I think you should (and probably are) focus on your relationship rather than TTC, but still work to TTC (if that makes sense).  You are doing all the right things.  I know that probably sounds like BS and isn’t helpful, but it is true.  Whether or not “you’ll definitely get pregnant when you stop stressing!” is true or not for you, you will at least have faced your journey together with your SO and that is more important in my opinion.  

Your relationship will be stronger regardless of the outcome, so that is a positive in the midst of all this negativity.    

I don’t think it is a good idea for you to stop TTC completely since you do want children, but I think you did a good thing by deciding not to put all your time and energy into it (temping, etc.).  

Post # 33
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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sara_tiara:  I keep tellin ya not to get knocked up before Mexico anyway, so take a break and enjoy those margaritas!  Remember that in every cycle, our hormones make us reach a “screw this, this is the worst” mentality.  This feeling too shall pass.  I’m 100% certain you will get pregnant, but maybe it will take a true break from TTC, and help from your new friends at the fertility center.  There is nothing wrong with that, and in the meantime your life is fabulous so embrace that.  Hugggggggggggggs

Post # 35
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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sara_tiara:  I mean, if I were really trying to do that my drink of choice on a beach is the pina colada, so please make it happen.

Post # 36
Member
7308 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

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sara_tiara:  I’m sorry it’s a bad day. On my bad days, I curl up with the teddy bear Mr. LK bought for our yet-to-be-conceived child and sob hysterically while Mr. LK rubs my back and reminds me that we’ll have our baby one way or another. We all have those days. But they pass, and we live to fight another day. I hope you get your BFP soon. And if you need a metal break while you deal with the RE and testing, go for it. We’re benched until summer. It isn’t great, but it isn’t the worst thing in the world either. I try to find the upside in everything. It helps.

Post # 37
Member
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

sara_tiara:  I’m so sorry that you’re feeling sad, TTC is a very difficult journey and unless someone is in your shoes they can’t completely understand. I have been TTC for almost a year and half and I’ve gone through 5 pregnancy losses, it’s hard and there were many times where I just wanted to quit and move on with my life but I agree with everything pinkshoes stated, time won’t stop for me, so I just have to keep moving. You will get through this, you will find strength you didn’t know you had, if someone had told me before I started TTC everything that I would go through I’m not sure I would have done it, but it gets easier. I would never say you need to relax and you will get pregnant, but it does help to focus your energy in other activities, to try not think about TTC all the time, to enjoy this time alone with your DH before the kids come. Sending you tons of positive thoughts and hugs.

vhenke1:  I guess I’m being bitchy today, it’s not as easy as “you can adopt a baby or have someone carry it for you” Average costs for adoption in the US are $25K and the cost of surrogacy is $80K, not everyone can afford those options.

Post # 38
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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sara_tiara:  have you checked to see if your Fallopian tubes are open?  A lot of the ttc boards here focus on ovulation, but that could be preventing you from getting pregnant.

Post # 39
Member
15192 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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sara_tiara:  It may seem overwhelming at first, so try not to take it all in at once and try to look at it one or two things at a time.  If you are going through testing, there will be a series of diagnostics doctors will probably want to do on you and your husband.  Don’t try to think of the 50million results that could come back and what to do with each of them.  Just wait for the results, then move forward from there.  If results indicate something is off, you’ll be presented with suggestions on how to move forward to fix it and at least you know what is ‘wrong’.  If results are all normal which it sounds like they have been so far, you may be in this dreadful “unexplained” category (which I am in).  Some do not believe in “unexplained” and choose to continue to try naturally, go to a naturopath, accupunture, etc.  With unexplained, if you want to persue treatment, it’s pretty much just a few options, which many try from least invasive to most — oral med + timed intercourse, oral med + IUI, maybe just IUI, injectibles + IUI, IVF.  Just try not to look too far in to all the possibilities that face you, just the next step based on the information you have on hand at the moment you are in.

Post # 40
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I know exactly how you feel.

My story: Started TTC w/my exH years ago. We did Clomid and IUI and nothing. An unsuccessful adoption eventually led to our divorce.

I got remarried in 2011 and DH and I have been trying ever since. We’ve done 2 IVFs that were unsuccessful as my eggs didn’t split. The first time the RE said it was a fluke. The second time, she said she had NO idea what caused it. None of the other docs have been able to figure it out.

Our last attempt was sometime last year. We’ve since moved to a new country and I’ve been contemplating trying treatments again.

It’s been over 10 years for me and I’ve been PG not once. I’m over being jealous of friends having kids as some of my HS GFs (teen moms) are grandmas now. Some of DH’s friends have had 2-3 kids since we got married.

I use OPKs just so I know when my period is coming as I’m like clockwork and it happens exactly 14 days later. Every month, I’m a little hopeful that AF won’t come. Then I start and feel defeated. Then about 4 days in, I’m thinking of trying again. DH hates that I beat myself up over it. But I would be lying if I said it doesn’t make me feel like less of a woman. Like WHY can’t I be a mom?

I pray a lot and ask for strength and solace in the whole thing. I’m getting ready to turn 39 and I feel as though I’m too old. I’ve always been very “goal oriented” and accomplished everything I set my mind to, but this is one goal that will likely never happen.

DH says I’m the strongest woman he knows. He says I’m optimistic and hopeful….but it still comes with a broken heart. I’m planning on getting some individual counseling to deal with it all as I feel like I need to “accept” it and move on. The problem for me is “what do I do with my life now?”

Big HUGS!!!!

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Turtle83:  I guess I’m being bitchy too but just because someone can afford adoption doesn’t always means it works out. After my failed adoption, I’m thankful to those that are successful but I refuse to be in that situation again…those scars are worse than years of TTC.

Post # 41
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

It can be difficult… on the one hand, you want to get yourself into a mental place where you’ll be OK if it never happens to you, because you realise it might not. On the other hand, you realise that XYZ months is not so long on the grand scheme of things, and you realise it might still happen, especially if you are relatively young.

It’s a real dilemma, I think. When to let go. It’s very difficult to decide whether you just want to get on with life and try to be happy without a family, or whether to keep going. Knowing where to focus your energy.

We came to the same conclusions as you in the end… just don’t use contraception and try to focus on other aspects of life. As long as you’re relatively young, this is a decision you can always revisit every year or every few years. At least, this is what we keep telling ourselves!

(My other problem is that coming off hormonal BC has revealed pre-existing problems which were suppressed by the implant and the pill, which I was on pretty much since puberty. The longer I’m NOT using hormones, the more problems I’m creating for myself. So that’s an additional problem. Luckily, most people don’t have that!)

Post # 42
Member
15192 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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vhenke1:  I fail to see how one can be dissatified by not having a baby if they in fact WANT A BABY.  So you had a high risk pregnancy and it was hard being pregnant, did you worry about the baby at all?  Or did you just say, oh well, if I lose my baby, I’ll just go adopt another.  Adoption is not some consolation prize, nor is surogacy.  No one should adopt unless they truly want to.  Even if it was easy and someone dropped a baby at my door step tomorrow, I’d turn it away to autorhies cause we want a bio child only.  That suggestion is just ridiculously stupid and insensitve to someone TTC if they have said NOTHING about wanting to adopt.

Post # 44
Member
22 posts
Newbee

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sara_tiara:  I don’t have much to share except I want to give you a big hug through the computer. It’s been five cycles for me and even though it hasn’t been long, I totally understand the mix of fear, frustration, and anger you are feeling.  It really sucks, because everyone I know seems to get pregnant immediately or by accident and let’s just say this whole TTC thing has been a humbling experience. 

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