(Closed) I think I'm done TTC.

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 46
Member
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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texasbee: I’m so sorry about the unsuccessful adoption; I know that sometimes they fail, but I didn’t have the energy to go into a long response about all the potential outcomes as well as the emotional toll it takes to pursue those options. I had done some research on adoption, but reading all the heartbreaking adoption disruption stories, DH and I realized it’s not an option we’re ready to pursue at this time, personally I would rather go through another miscarriage than endure a disruption. I’m sorry if my comment hurt your feelings.

Post # 48
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3652 posts
Sugar bee

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pinkshoes:  You taking all wrong what I am saying , and being rude to me in saying I didnt care about my baby . What I was saying that she shouldnt be so damn dissappointed at the time and stop fosucing so much and enjoy this time either if she gets pergo now or not . There is nothing wrong with adopting if she cant have a baby or have someone else carry it for her . I am adopted , I see nothing wrong with it , not one time did I think , if I cant deliever this baby I am carring I just adopt , thats so rude to tell me I wouldnt care if my baby die . I think you need come off your high horse 

Post # 49
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1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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vhenke1:  No one said there was anything wrong with adopting or surrogacy. They are just not options for some people, either for financial or personal reasons. And definitely no one said you wouldn’t care if your baby had died. Your advice is just coming across as very self-centered and tone-deaf. Maybe chill out and stop hijacking this poor girl’s thread if you don’t have constructive things to say.

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sara_tiara:  I am sorry you’re so weary. We’re just starting out on our first cycle and I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in your shoes. Just wanted to offer support. Whatever happens, hoping for your happiness.

Post # 50
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15194 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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vhenke1:  I’m not implying you didn’t care about your baby.  I’m making a point saying that you cannot just tell someone to relax and think that will fix anything.  Telling a woman who is TTC to just relax and it will come is the same as someone saying to you just relax and your baby WILL be fine.  Just relaxing does NOTHING.  Yes, stress is bad, but ‘just relax’ does not FIX or guarentee anything either.  You telling someone to just adopt if they cannot have a child IS as hurtful as someone telling you to “just adopt” if you lose your baby – that is the point I was trying to get you to see in saying that.  How would you have felt if somoene had just told you to relax, don’t worry, if you lose your baby, just go adopt one and ignore the pain of your loss.  For those TTC, the feeling of never carrying a child or having a bio child is painful too, so I am not taking anything wrong.  Your words ARE insensitive, as you can see by others who feel the same as I do.

And I never said that there is anything wrong wiht adoption.  It’s a wonderful option for those who want to and the people lucky enough to be adopted by a loving family, but it’s not a fix all for every one or a fix for someone who cannot have their own bio children if that is what they want.

Post # 51
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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sara_tiara:  Totally get where youre coming from. It’s so hard not be disappointed and depressed each time AF arrives. I’ve sat on the toilet and cried. We are TTC since August 2012 but I have to acknowledge that I’ve been on pill since I was 15 and at 35 that’s a whole lot of chemicals to get out of my system and possible PCOS. We are third round of clomid even though I ovulate naturally in a bid to get pregnant ASAP! Fingers crossed for you, keep your chin up everything happens for a reason, I’m a massive believer in fate and destiny.

Post # 54
Member
4673 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry that you have to go through this.  I have been TTC for 6 months and started with this feeling that this was going to take a while, or that I wasn’t going to be able to concieve at all.  I started getting pretty down each cycle after getting AF, then I got a BFP my 6th cycle, which sadly ended in a MC a few weeks later.  

Now I’m on a break, waiting for my body to recover or whatever.  The one good thing about the break is that it is helping me refocus.  I’m trying different things like yoga and trying to eat better that I just put off before. My goal during this break is to lose some weight and to put myself in a better position to be pregnant again.  I know I wouldn’t have taken this break voluntarily, but it really has helped me regroup and to get more excited about TTC again.  

I hope that a specialist will help you get the help that you need, and to help refocus you and give you back the confidence that so many cycles of BFN’s and AF’s take away.  

Post # 55
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Hang in there. I also am feeling discouraged. I think time off can be good.  They say it happens when not expecting it

Post # 56
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee

I know this is easier said than done, but you can just take a break from actively TTC, charting eyc but stay off contraception. That way you arent stopping it but also giving yourself a break from the stress, but still leaving the possibility open. It may not seem like it now, but eventually there will come a time where you will be in the right headspace to start trying again. 

Post # 57
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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mazzoffee:  This! This is what we did (and were doing) when we got pg. In fact the cycle that it happened we’d only BDed twice (we’d had enough of sex for a life time lol!)

Post # 58
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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pinkshoes:  x100% all the words you said you took right out of my mouth. I know comments are generally unintentionally hurful, but hurtful nonetheless

 

OP i swear we are similar (ish) in our situations, except we’ve gone the other way and suffered TWO terrible 11 and 12week MMC. I’ve stopped charting, OPKS. saliva microscope thingamajig and deleted all my pregnancy apps for charting bar 1 just to keep it for records, we’ve been trying since march this year so approximately 10 months, 6 of those i spend pregnant only to lose our bub each time.

Frankly im not sure ive got anything left in the tank for another go, but some days i think i do want it, but i dont know really. For the hell of it we have gotten blood tests done and chromosome testing but its all come back normal. Somedays i question whether we want children anymore if it means such pain.

Sigh. I can say since stopping TTC we have been a whole lot more relaxed and happy <—–(relatively speaking vs the stress and worry and nail biting of TTC). We may try again who knows? I think it would do you good to completely take your mind off things for about 6 months (might be less depending on how you feel).

I guess the main thing is to make sure you and DH are on thr same page in this journey together, we have talked things over and put things on indefinitely hold till we, if ever, feel ready again…just make sure its something you guys decide in hand in hand and they you both work towards being happy whichever the outcome.

for our break im doing everything i wouldnt be able to do pregnant, ie sushi, alcohol when i want, learning to surf, yoga, im doing as much as i can not to keep my mind busy till (i hope) one day i can sit quietly and not feel like sobbing/ crying (yes i have my moments..pretty often.) and just feel calm, totally not what it was last year, im just trying to reach a place where i feel like normal happy me again and not this person sufferingI hope this babbling helps lol

Post # 60
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

it took us a year (with the help of a RE) to conceive our daughter.  after endless rounds of medication, blood draws, invasive tests, a miscarraige, and endless dr. appointments, as soon as i held my little girl i knew it was all worth it ten times over. 

of course, now that we’re back on the infertility rollercoaster, after just 4 months i’m feeling ready to give up.  it really is so so hard and draining.  my advice is to take time away if/when you need it and don’t be afraid to lean on your partner for support.  take care of you first and foremost. 

wishing you lots of luck!

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