(Closed) I think I'm done TTC.

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 61
Member
3507 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

sara_tiara:  I am so sorry. My best friend is going through the same thing. She’s been trying for over a year and I know it must be very rough. I truly hope they are able to figure out what is stalling your pregnancy. Best of luck!

Post # 62
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

sara_tiara:  I’m sorry you’re having a crappy time at the moment. But I’m pretty sure it’s just that – a crappy few days. I’m constantly moviing between being optimistic and then feeling total despair… I think I’m somewhere in the middle right now, lol. 

Do whatever tests you need to get done to put your mind at ease. Chances are, they’ll all come back clear. Even f they don’t, there are plenty of ways that science can help. So think about what you know. You KNOW it can take one, even two years for a PERFECTLY HEALTHY couple to conceive. You KNOW there are tons of women with lovely, bouncing babies who took that amount of time to get there. And, in the meantime, you KNOW there are plenty of us out there going through the exact same sh!t with you 🙂

*HUGS* xx

Post # 63
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Double post, argh!

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  whybee.
Post # 64
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

When TTC it’s important to remember it can take up to 12 months to get pregnant and that’s considered normal. Anything beyond 12+ months can warrant a visit to the Dr. I think it’s important not to give up but if you’re mentally stressed and have gotten to the point where you feel you need to give up, it might be time for a break. If you go into a Dr. with a less than optimistic attitude they may not feel your ready to be a mom. 

Post # 65
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

newbabybee:  I don’t think its up to the doctors to judge whether you are ready to be a mom and I think they understand that if you are there to see an RE, then you are definitely ready to be a mom. And their job is to help women whose have been trying for 12+ months. I’m sure they almost exclusively deal with a less than optimistic attitude. A year is a really f’ing long time. We are allowed to have weak moments, days or weeks.

Post # 66
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

newbabybee:  I’m sorry but  “If you go into a Dr. with a less than optimistic attitude they may not feel your not ready to be a mom” is the biggest pile of bull I’ve read in a while. How dare you suggest that someone who has lost hope after trying so hard for so long will be viewed as not ready. 

Post # 67
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

sara_tiara:  I feel exactly the same way.  I haven’t had my period, but I’m not pregnant and it is depressing as hell.  Every month is another negative test.  This is starting the 8th month.  Feel free to PM me, I’m going to schedule with a specialist for this month too.  I totally understand where you’re coming from.  I know I have issues, but it doesn’t make this whole process any less frustrating.

Post # 68
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

sara_tiara:  omg i wasnt sure how my post was going to received in case in sounded just like someone wallowing, you’ve just brought tears to my eyes with your reply, im so glad ive managed to help you with my babbling. Darling Husband is not keen on giving up either but he said come what may, its all about my state of mind and my well being, as he would rather have me happy and healthy and no baby than this breaking me and unhappY, as me unhappy would = him unhappy. Which is the sweetest best thing he could have said (he’s not much of a talker, i’m the blabber mouth in the relationship so this was HUGE) and from the sound of it is that your Darling Husband sounds the same too! 

Definitely going away will help, we’ve just taken 1week tropical vacation doing NOTHING except relax, cruise, and eat, which was great. It definitely helped, as with our first MMC i took 2 days off and was back to work and tearing up constantly all because i wanted to finish our project deadline, not a good idea at the time. 

We’ve also just had our year end break which helps too (i have no more leave now lol) and these holidays ive just been indulging in wee shopping splurges that i would otherwise have deprived myself of to save money.

Ive even managed to go to a lunch with Darling Husband and THREE of our friends and their 3 new babies, as i was hiding from them before but i thought “you know what? We shouldnt punish ourselves for whats happened and being with friends and their babies and me being happy for them (we’ve decided theres no comparisons to our life), i found it helped me to see them and just be happy for them when i was ready to. 

I really hope you enjoy your holiday! we’ve created a holiday ‘bucket’ list for this year to keep us occupied in between. My dream is to go back to tahiti and do the scariest thing, snorkelling in 40m deep sea outside the reef with whales! freaks me out thinking of it

Post # 69
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time, ive been TTC for ~11 months with no luck and I feel your frustration. As hard as it can be it can be really helpful to focus on the good that’s come from your journey so far – for me TTC meant eating better and exercising, taking vitamins (that have been great for my hair, nails and energy), getting to know and understand my body better, more sexy time with Darling Husband – all good things. At the end of the month no matter what you can be proud of the positive changes you’ve made in your lives, changes that would be positive even if your goal weren’t TTC.

If you know you’re ovulating it will probably help with stress to stop temping and OPKs, waiting until the day after my period should be due had also really helped lower stress for me. 

Post # 70
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

sara_tiara:  We’ve had four miscarriages over the last year, the most recent one being over Christmas. In addit to the pain of the loss, the almost-horror of having to keep going has been overwhelming. Not just the MCs, but the whole TTC cycle, where I really only get a one week mental break a month, coupled with “forced” sex, etc. I’ve read that you keep going until the pain of TTC is worse than that of not having a baby, and everyone’s experiences are different. I don’t think I’m there yet, but it’s affecting my job performance, as is the time away for the MCs. Other people can have 10+ MCs and just roll with it! but I don’t seem to be one of them.

My acupuncturist is big on telling me not to stress so much, and I feel like telling him to go fuck himself. So far, my filter’s been working. We’re both basically 39, so we don’t have tons of time for rest cycles. If we could afford it, if it wasn’t as risky as any other pregnancy and it was legal in our state, a gestational carrier, where it’s my egg & his sperm and she has no rights to the baby, is sounding better and better.(my cousin did this with her twins.) People who don’t get it just don’t get it, and. They have a hard time understanding why they don’t get it. I think they mean well, but it just adds another layer of TTC crap to have to deal with. I ended up explaining to my boss that we’ve lost four *babies* before she really became supportive, rather than trying to be supportive in a way that was really dismissive. I’m jealous of the people who don’t get it.

ETA: one difference on this thread, where it’s mostly other people who have/ate strugglin, is that not many people are all sunshine and rainbows, telling you to “just hang on!” The ones that have have actually gone through it. I’ve googled how to know when to stop, and in some threads on other sites, someone will say they’re quitting and every response tells them not to. I think everyone here knows it’s a personal  decision, and there’s no judgement if you or anyone else decides to stop trying. 

Post # 72
Member
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

sara_tiara: first off ignore what newbabybee said.  what a crock of you know what.  Second of all…i know exactly how you are feeling.  We spent 15 months TTC before getting a BFP.  Trust me I was extremely depressed and hopeless.  I took countless days off of work because I just couldnt get out of bed and face any of my stupid colleagues at work who have kids and seem so ungrateful for them.  I spent countless of hours sobbing hysterically – especially when I found out my perfect SIL was pregnant with baby number 2.  But thanks to my husband being very supportive and hopeful, I somehow continued TTC every cycle.  Everyone has some sort of major struggle in their life – and TTC just happens to be ours.  Good luck and I KNOW you will get some answers and become a mother in the near future.  But NEVER feel bad about being depressed and hopeless…its normal – especially when you are doing everything right with no results.  Hang in there girl! (((HUGS)))

Post # 73
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

newbabybee:  This was possibly the most unhelpful load of BS I have ever read.

Post # 75
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

pinkshoes: It’s one thing to be supportive, its another to be openly mean and bullying towards vhenke1.  She never once said anything from a place of malice, but the same cannot be said of you.  Nice times out of ten, I’ll take misguidedness over hostility.

brlabrat:  Vhenke1 not caring if her baby died is almost exactly what pinkshoes inferred, or at least questioned.

 

OP-  I agree with everyone, don’t give up now!  Even if you stop trying, I assume you wouldn’t be protecting?  That TWW will still be haunting you every single cycle, but if you truly feel you need a to stop TTC, just recognize it doesn’t mean its the end of the road for you, take the mental break you need and then start over.  I hope it happens for you soon.  Stay strong!

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