(Closed) I think I'm done TTC.

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 76
Member
14943 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

<div>ISIS639:   Get a grip, what I said was hardly bullying.   I was simply stating a question to try to help her see what she is saying from a different point of view, since she did not seem to see that her words were and insensitive to those ttc a long time.  What exactly do you think was malicious?  I pretty sure if anything in all that, being told to get off ones high horse was the rudest statement in all of that.   It must be such a wonderful talent to have to know exactly what people are really thinking, huh?  You can say for certain that is almost exactly what I was implying?  Can you shre tomorrows winning lotto number with me too?  As I already explained to her, which see seemed to understand, yet for some reason you cant, I did not imply that she would not care, I asked her how she would feel IF someone did imply such a thing by say something very similar to what she was saying, so don’t put words in my mouth. </div>

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  pinkshoes.
Post # 77
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

ISIS639: What was said was, “So you had a high risk pregnancy and it was hard being pregnant, did you worry about the baby at all?  Or did you just say, oh well, if I lose my baby, I’ll just go adopt another.” That is a rhetorical question because any sane woman would have the same answer: of course she was worried. Of course she would have been devastated to lose her baby. In which case, it might be the compassionate thing to stop telling other women to “just relax,” because we’ve all had our own rough patches and know that “just relax” is, at best, a pretty unhelpful thing to hear. No need to go all Captain Literal with the ZOMG YOU SAID SHE DOESN’T CARE IF HER BABY DIES pile-on. 

sara_tiara:  Your use of that gif just cracked my shit up. I’m glad this thread has been (overall) so supportive.

Post # 78
Member
14943 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

brlabrat:  Spot on.  Thank you for understanding!

Post # 79
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

sara_tiara:  I have PCOS so I know its not fun feeling like less than a women, which i know can be the hard feeling us women can feel in this journey! God luck to you! And I hope good things come to you and your fiance. 

Have you ever tried changing your diet? Some people think its “Drastic” but also other Fertilty treatments are drastic as well. I know for me, I dont get my period unless I gave up gluten and dairy.  So myself, I know diet has something to do with it. My friends best friend had been TTC concieve about 16 months and had unexplained fertility as well, saw a naturopath and changed her diet; antibiotic free chicken, no sugar no gluten or dairy and did a little accupuncture, and 2.5-3 monts later, she was pregnant. I know it may seem drastic but sometimes it does help!

I see you are in Ontario, are you close to Toronto? I see an amazing fertility naturopath that see’s people from all walks of fertility- they are specialized in it and honeslty, have so much info! I’ve only been a few times but they are really good. White Lotus Clinic they are called – off of shepard and younge i believe!

Also, have you had your thyroid tested? Your hormonal levels can be normal but if your thyroid is off, that can actually affect your fertility as well! So I woulde have your free t3, free t4, t3, t4, TSH and anti-Tg TGB or TPO antibodies tested as my thyroid looked fine but it wasnt until they tested for the antibodies that they found out I have hashimotos disease which affects fertility. 

So good luck and maybe try different avenues if what you have been doing isnt working, there are some alternative treatments, change of diets, change of scenary and some more tests may help!

Post # 80
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

sara_tiara:  Hang in there, girlie. TTC is great fun when it works, but it sucks donkey dick when it doesn’t. I’ve already gone back and read my first post on the November 2013 POAS thread and I want to punch my naive self in the vag.  I have no advice since I myself have not found constructive coping mechanisms. Today I bought Ray-Bans and now I’m going to a snobby restaurant to get drunk with Darling Husband. I’m filling the void with frivilous spending and alcohol all the while waving my middle finger at the universe.

Post # 81
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

While PP is way off the mark in implying that it’s at all okay for a doctor to decide that a pessimist can’t be a mommy, it is absolutely true that 9 months/cycles is perfectly within normal, even for couples without complications. I am sure 9 months seems like an eternity right now, but average cycles to conceive is around 7 for couples actively trying. There is absolutely still hope of conceiving, and even reason to hope that there is nothing abnormal going on with either of you. I know the feeling of seeing what you want most just fall into someone’s lap, and it sucks, and bad! And it especially sucks in cases like this, when you are somewhat not in charge of fate. You can’t study harder, or work harder, or hope harder, and that’s frustrating, but I would maybe take a break before you consider stopping entirely

Post # 82
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@sara_tiara It took a couple of people I know 1.5 – 2 years to conceive naturally, and another girl I know 5 years!! 

Don’t give up so fast, 9 months really isn’t that long. I’m 6 months in TTC now and I’m nowhere near giving up – when it happens, it happens. 

I admire the women on here who have posted that they’ve had multiple miscarriages and been trying for 3+ years with no real success.. that must be really hard. 

But in your position I think you should really just look forward to your vacation and trust that when it happens, it happens 🙂 There’s no point being defeatist when you have no reason to be defeatist at this point.

Post # 83
Member
3859 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Darling Husband and I have only been trying 6 months but it already feels like an eternity! I just thought it would be so much easier than it is… Now I feel like an idiot for believing that! This cycle I started a “screw it” approach and threw out all my charts and OPK’s. I’m tired of thinking about it all the time! DH’s best friend just told us today that he and his wife are pregnant (well, he’s not actually pregnant but you know what I mean…) and they weren’t even trying. Ugh. Although my pregnant coworker just told me yesterday that they had been trying for 8 YEARS!!!! She finally accepted that she would never be a mother and bam baby on the way. I just can’t even imagine!

GrannyPantiesRock: you are amazing.   love this! 

Post # 84
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

GrannyPantiesRock:  Please don’t punch yourself in your vag. Second to self-indulgent stress, personal vag-punching is the #2 cause of miscarriages. 

AFM, I posted in the 1+ TTC thread that I bought an inflatable punching bag to help vent my frustrations.  It’s seriously helped my moods. 

Post # 85
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

GrannyPantiesRock:  lol donkey dick  LOL oh you made my day. here here to frivolous spending, i just spent money on some fancy pepper grinders, weird purchase but anything will do now!  

Post # 86
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

sara_tiara:  no worries 🙂 kind words are what we all need here, tell you what, you may have helped me cope with things more, im hoping it will lead to happy beginnings for both of us if we dont give up and be happ, whatever option we choose!

Post # 87
Member
1792 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

GrannyPantiesRock:  bahahahahaha!! Oh my word this made me laugh. seeing those old posts does make you want to slap your younger self doesn’t it? i just want to go back and tell her to chill ouT!

Post # 88
Member
17 posts
Newbee

sara_tiara:  Hi Honey! You probably don’t remember me at all, I was with you on the 6+ mo. ttc boards. I’m the crazy one who basically pulled all the stops and tried everything I could think of in our 12th month ttc, including the Femmed – I always wondered if that would work for anyone else. I was wondering how you are doing. Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch. Even though I am 23 weeks along right now, remembering our ttc journey makes me tear up and get upset still to this day. A lot of women who eventually “get past it” seem to feel the same way. The struggle is real my friend. (And scarring!) Try to remember to be kind to yourself. I was trying to think back to where I was around 9 months and that was when we went to Vegas with a few friends. Which in theory was supposed to be a really great trip to get our minds off of things, have some drinks, etc. right? Wrong! Guess who had a big blow out fight on the strip because we weren’t “bd’ing” enough? Yeah.. Oh god, I still cringe. I was more hormonal then than I am now, no lies.

I was watching a video on youtube the other day about pregnancy faq and something the girl on the video (from the small things blog) said really stuck with me. Someone asked her a question about eating healthy during her pregnancy and she said that since it took them so long to conceive (14 mo.) she felt that when it did actually happen it made her realize how little control she had over everything. For me, that just summed everything up, you know? You work hard your whole life, get good grades in school, get the job you want, don’t settle in a relationship and finally marry an awesome guy.. Then when it comes to something you so want and need to validate your sense of self, you just have no control. We are taught our whole lives that if we just work hard enough at something we can get it but the biggest thing worked out to be the hardest.

Also another thing that I didn’t really realize at the time was that I had stopped really spending time with friends – I’m talking loose ties, friends that I would only see once a month. I felt that I couldn’t really talk about what was going on front and center and even when I did talk to people that knew about it nothing could be said to help the situation. So, it can be really isolating. I’m not even going to try to give you advice but maybe share my experiences will help you see that you are not alone. Nine months is a LONG TIME.

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