(Closed) I think I’m having my first wedding regret

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think it’s very fair of your Fiance to decided who gets to stand up with you as bridesmaids – why does he get double what you do?! 🙂 3 and 4 is fine, don’t worry about it looking perfect. For me bridal parties are about having the people that mean the most to you stand with you as you take this big step. I think if you are already wishing she was part of the bridal party, it’s a sign that she means a lot to you. If you want to ask her, ask her. If she and her boyfriend think it will be too much of a financial strain, let them make that decision. Hope it works out for you!

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m not sure I follow everything.  So how is it that your Fi is allowed to have 4 groomsmen, but you only have 2 BMs?  If it was a matter of money for the one couple, why didn’t you get the Bm and he doesn’t get the bf to be on his side?  (Then it would be 3 and 3.)   Sounds like your Fi has a lot of opinions about the bridal party.

If it’s important to you to ask another girl, I don’t think it’s a big deal to have 3 and 4.  I can see what your Fiance is saying about 2 and 4.  Then you can double up the GMs with the BMs.  

Do you have Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses set?  I think your wedding is far enough off that you could ask your firend to be in it. If your concenred about money, privately offer to pay for her dress or offer a gift certificate.

Without knowing your friends, I can see your Fi having a point about asking one girl, but not the rest of your friends.  Do you feel like there is an understandable break, among these friends?  (The friend you want to ask, you have known much longer, or see mmuch more regularly now.)  Depending on the situation, I would say, if it’s a bit sticky, maybe just stick with the two Bms.  Also keep in mind that it’s easier for a groom to deal with 4 GMs, than it is for a bride to deal with 4 BMs.  Guys don’t care that much about what they wear.  They only have to plan a bach party.  Girls get all worked up with their dresses, and shoes, planning the shower.  I’ve heard countless stories about Bms fighting with each other, with the bride….  I’ve yet to hear a story about the GMs arguing over such things…except maybe strippers at the bach party and alcohol at the reception.  ( Boo 🙁  ).

Ultimately, I would go with what you really want. (And tell your Fi to cool his jets.)  He’s providing a lot of opinions.  Which is good that he’s into it, and paying attention.  But for the most part this is an issue that impacts you, much more than him.  So I think you should decide for yourself what you want.  Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

I think your bridal party should ultimately be your choice.  I understand your FI’s point about choosing one friend over a group but I would hope to think that they are all mature enough to understand your position.  Whilst you love them all (as a group,) there are always a few that you are especially close to.  I don’t think your Fiance has a right to propose that you should only have 2 instead of 3.  Who cares if it "doesn’t look right,"  not having special people that you wanted next to you for that reason doesn’t seem right either.

Post # 7
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It’s not too late to ask. I don’t think your fiance should have made that decision for you.

Post # 8
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My Fiance and I have had issues about wedding party.  He does not want one particular friend of mine to participate in wedding.  She is a special friend to me, and we have a lot of history together. We talk about our weddings together (she is engaged too).   I would like to include her as a reader in the ceremony.  We got in a heated argument about it because he did not want her in the wedding at all,  but I am not backing down.

 This is how I thought about it.  He might be upset before the wedding, and even during if she is there reading, BUT I will regret it every day after my wedding that she was not a part of my special day. 

A wedding party can look however you want it to.  (We are having our dogs in the wedding)  If you don’t decide to ask her to be a bridesmaid, maybe you could include her in another way…  Also, you could make sure that she is involved in Bach. party, and getting ready “pre-wedding” etc. 

Post # 9
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I added a Bridesmaid or Best Man to my bridal party! She’s my friend, but she’s also FI’s Groomsmen’s girlfriend. So same exact situation! Why is it a big deal? I think you’re man is being a wedding diva and you should be allowed to choose whoever you want. lol. If your friends can’t afford it in the end than that is their choice.

Plus I only asked who was important to me the most and some girls did end up not making the list, but it’s my day and choosing a bridal party is about selecting people you want by your side. Do what you feel is right.

Post # 10
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@tseay: well, it probably is now since she posted that a year ago. :]

For future girls who might have this problem though, it was an unfair situation for OP, her FH shouldn’t have told her that she can only have 2 while he gets 4. That’s just dumb.

Post # 11
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

HAHAHA! I totally didn’t even see the date. That’s funny. Hey, depending on the length of the engagement it still might not be too late. You never know.

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