(Closed) I think I’m leaving him

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
47258 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way.

 I guess it comes down to deciding if you think he will be able to commit in a reasonable length of time.

If not, then I don’t think you wasted your time. Surely there must have been some great moments or you wouldn’t be with him.

On the other hand, if you want  marriage and he doesn’t, then you may have to make that hard decision.

Post # 4
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That is definitely not good that he won’t discuss your future together… although after only 2 years together it is probably scary to discuss your future together (I am sorry I do not mean to offend you in any way by this, I do not know your whole story). From what you mentioned he does not seem like the best guy to plan a future with anyways but that is only my opinion. If he is like this regularly i would say it would probably be best to leave him for the sake of your child if anything! If this is totally out of character for him I would try to work things out. I know sometimes people can get stressed and lash out and they don’t mean to so if that is the case I suggest you don’t do anything too harsh. But in the end you have to do what is right for your child and yourself. I hope you can figure things out =)

Post # 5
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Firstly obviously your child is your number one priority and therefore you cant move, end of story.

However at this point in your rel and if he really wants to spend the rest of his life with you, you should be his number one priority.

Therefore In My Humble Opinion he should leave his job for you, not just leave as in quit tomorrow but actively make the changes necessary to get a job near you, so he doesn’t loose his career. Maybe moving in October depending on work is not making that commitment to you.

Post # 6
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I think after that amount of time he should have made a decision, or at least be willing to talk about it  – Why won’t he move for you? You shouldn’t make all the sacrifices and you have a child to think of so it’s easier for  him to move.

Me and My guy moved in together after only 2 months, Because he lived about 300 miles away and we were travelling every other weekend to see each other. We’ve been living together for just over 2 years and now we’re getting married. 

Post # 7
204 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry that you’re in this hard situation, but I commend you for having the guts to look at things, see that he’s not willing to do what he needs to do to meet you part way and make this work, and make choices that are best for you and your child.  

Post # 8
256 posts
Helper bee

id give him an ultimatum, i’ve had the same issue, although we’re not married but we do like on opposite sides of the world, he says he’ll move here and be with me and its all talk, so i gave him an ultimatum, either do something about it or im done…and he’s made a decision:)

Post # 9
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You’ve only been together 1.5 years and you’re ready to end thing because he’s not sure if he wants to marry you after that short time? I’m sorry, but I just think that’s so silly. Maybe he actually takes marriage really seriously and doesn’t want to rush into it?

If you’re that impatient though, maybe he’s not the one for you…

Post # 10
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you should give yourself an ultimatum. No need to mention it to him. He already knows what you want. You need to know now how long you are willing to wait and what you are willing to gamble in order to get it. (Or play with the chances of if you will ever getit.) See if he comes around by a certain time you have picked in your head or not. And then move out on that day. Do not wait for him. It does not take men any time to figure out whether they want to be with a certain girl or not. Especially when he is 37. He is mature enough to know what he wants and who he wants to share it with. Or the very least, 2 years is definitely plenty of time to know something significant about your future together. “I don’t know” is not a reasonable answer.

And you are absolutely correct in not leaving your fertility to chance. Entirely too many women end up doing that and then can’t imagine why they are having problems conceiving. It is very unfortunate especially when a man’s decision making (or lack thereof!) is behind this.

Post # 11
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Lysistrata: This is about SO much more than the OP being “impatient” (which I don’t think she is, by the way). She has a child to think about. This guy REFUSES to discuss their future and presents a negative attitude when she asks him basic questions that should be raised in any LDR. He accuses her of picking fights. All of this equals bad news–not any fault or character flaw in the OP.

Post # 14
3306 posts
Sugar bee

I agree Mrs. Grape-

OP- I think you leaving is the right option- if he doesn’t come looking for you afterwards, then he really didn’t want the relationship.

Post # 15
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Mrs Grape: so totally agree.


Sorry OP! 🙁 In the end your son comes first, and if you guys can’t talk in an adult way about marriage or moving or any of that stuff, maybe it’s not right. I ESPECIALLY think it is really hateful of him to take blows at you and your son. That would not be okay with me. Hugs

Post # 16
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Mrs Grape: I completely agree!

OP: I’m so sorry for this situation you are in. It must be very tough to try and decipher what he really means. If this bothers you this much then you should definitely have a discussion with yourself and decide if this is really what you want. I hope you make the decision that’s best for you and your child. 

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