I think I'm not going to like the ring he picked

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 47
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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numa89 :  Cool, maybe when you disagree on kids’ names (e.g. you like Stuart and he likes Steve) you can bring home a hamster called Steve just so you can SHOW him you don’t like the name because he won’t actually listen to words from your mouth. 

This seems an immature and convoluted way to solve serious problems to me when the much bigger problem is, as you just said, he doesn’t listen to your feelings without grand gestures.

Sorry for being a ‘bitch’, and do what you want obviously, but that’s my opinion….. 

Post # 48
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Just commenting to follow. I’m so interested to see your ring that’s all very exciting!! (Love the tie idea to suss it out) 

Post # 49
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

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Innerdonught :  Are you okay? Like, are you happy with life?

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numa89 :  I thought the tie was cute!

Post # 50
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

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Innerdonught :  because often gentle reminders don’t work. From what I’m seeing she did discuss it with him, he’s not listening very well. I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve gently reminded my husband about something, and he just forgets all about it. THe same thing has been true with me, he discusses something with me, and sometimes I just forget.

If she’s looking to marry this man, then she’s going to need to figure out what form of communication works best for them. There’s going to be many times when it’s needed.

It would be nice if all a couple had to do was affectively communicate and gently remind someone of someone and all is clear and works out.Doesn’t always work that way. If someone out there has a husband that gets what they want and carries the plan out just with gentle reminders then that’s great. But my husband needs reminders, emails and the gentle reminders to make sure things happen and most everyone I know who is married has a husband like that too. There is no exact right way or wrong way, you just need to find what works for you as a couple. I try not to get stuck on what ‘should’ be or not be,. I think the whole tie thing was cute, seems like it worked and they had a good laugh out of it. Whatever works for them.

Post # 51
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

I want to see this mystery ring… so I’m following!

Also, the tie story was awesome.

Post # 52
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

A lot of extreme or black and white thinking.  Consider allowing yourself more options.  It’s possible he didn’t buy a pink or blue stone ring.  It’s possible you CAN talk to him about it now.  It’s possible he WOULD be able to return the ring based on deciding against the style.

If this person is going to be your life partner, you gotta be able to talk about stuff.  

Post # 54
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

Another option, ask to see the ring.  If you hate it, ask him to work with you to find a ring that you both love.

Post # 55
Member
13 posts
Newbee

Totally sounds like he was messing with you! That’s something my SO would do tongue-out some men know just how to turn the tables on their type A girls. Great job with the tie, I don’t think you have anything to worry about! Can’t wait to hear!

Post # 56
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

Oh God I am loving this thread, you two sound amazing together!! Absolutely loved the tie story and can’t wait to see the ring. 

Post # 57
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

Your story is soooo cute! My guess is that he (if he did buy the ring already) purchased an art deco beauty with sapphires since you said you dislike LIGHT blue and not blue in general. I also agree with the PPs that said he’s probably messing with you, my Fiance would do the same knowing I would be constantly looking for clues lol… I feel like this could be a fun guessing game, like what kind of ring did she get?? Any of you bees the betting type?! 😉Lol 

Post # 58
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

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Innerdonught :  Booooooo go somewhere else with that negativity! She found a sweet playful way to get her point across and to gauge his reaction. Him putting the tie on the coffee cup with a note that says “trust me” was perfect and shows that he’s paying more attention then she knows. I’m not sure how long you’ve been with your DH, but I’ve been with my Fiance for 9 years and you learn to pick and choose your battles, whats worth actually arguing over and that sometimes communication doesnt mean a serious sit down. You need to seriously lighten up I’m sure we’re not the only people to tell you that, also she didn’t ask for your opinion on what she did with the tie so no need for the snarky remarks.  I have only been on the bee since my engagement in June, but wow you are the rudest commenter I’ve seen so far!!!

Post # 59
Member
2707 posts
Sugar bee

What’s annoying is that he seems to think he knows what’s good for you better than you do (which personally drives me nuts). You said didn’t want a ring, he said he would regret it; you said you don’t like blue rings, he says you will.

It’s one thing if you ask him to surprise you and then he doesn’t get it perfect, but If he proposes with a blue ring you are absolutely within reason telling him it’s not what you’d hoped for. Because you already TOLD him it’s not what you’d hoped for before he bought it. I’d stand your ground with it actually – in a teasing but firm way. Otherwise he’s going to go your whole marriage thinking he knows what you want better than you do, which is not only frustrating, but unhealthy. 

For sure itchy wool socks every Christmas. 

Post # 60
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I really want to know what colour the ring turned out to be! I don’t know, I think you’re going to love it! (and i dont think it’s blue!)

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