- 6 years ago
So, I’m new to this site, but I really needed some support and advice, and this seemed like it might be a god place to get it. My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together for 2.5 years and living together for about 1.5 years. I’m 27 and my Boyfriend or Best Friend is 28.
We’ve had the marriage timeline chat before, and he promised me we would be getting engaged by the end of this year. Then a few days ago, out of the blue, he says he wants to talk about it again. Basically what he had to say was that he was ready to get engaged “emotionally” but financially and otherwise he isn’t ready and can’t say when he will be. He wants both of us to have jobs that pay more money and that we want to stay at a long time. We both have jobs right now, they just aren’t ideal. I understand where he’s coming from, but I don’t think what he’s asking is fair. For one, it’s not like we’re particularly young or just started dating. Also, I already agreed to wait until the end of 2013 and I did not want to wait that long. I really want to have a family one day, and my parents had a lot of trouble conceiving. I’m worried that if I wait too long, that I’m not going to be able to have kids, and that terrifies me. I’ve told my bf all of this, and he says that he understands where I’m coming from, but that he’s not going to change his mind.
I don’t know what to do. He has me feeling like I’m being manipulative and crazy, and I really don’t think I am. I’m just asking him to compromise, or at least give me a timeline. I pushed back my timeline for him, but he’s not willing to budge at all for me. He says that he won’t let me push him into getting engaged, but I’m really not trying to do that. I just don’t think it’s fair for him to ask me to wait indefinitely, especially since he knows my fears about being able to have children. He said that he can’t believe that I would rather give up on our relationship and be alone than to just wait for the right time, but I really don’t think I’m doing that. It just feels like he keeps avoiding committing, and then makes me the bad guy for not being ok with it. I just don’t think that there will ever be a perfect time and that there will always be reasons to wait, but that at a certain point in a relationship you either make the next step, or you go your separate ways.
I am just at such a loss for what to do. I feel like I have no say in what happens and that nothing I can say or do will change anything. I haven’t been able to focus since he brought the conversation up, and we’ve been fighting about it for 3 days now. I thought that our relationship was going well and that we were both really happy, so I’m feeling completely blindsided. I feel like it might be at the point where we break up, or at least start living separately again, but whenever I start to thing about it, I can’t stop crying. I just want to be with him and have a life together, and I really thought that’s what he wanted to.
sorry this is so long… I guess I just needed to vent in a judgment free zone. any advice would be greatly appreciated.