- 4 years ago
I am not sure where to start, I am so upset right now. Not sure if I am looking for advice or just to vent (please bare with me on sentence structure and grammer)
My friend and I met at collage about 2 year ago. I have a disabilty and mental health issues which could be part why i am having this friend issue. She helped me so much at collage and helped me see something in my personal life I did not see. I cannot tell you how much of a help she was, she was amazing. Around our year of friendship I moved closer to her (due to circumstances out of my control) she helped me with a place to live and get back and forth collage. During this time we really got to know each other. So heres the problem….
We would go to collage together most days and I noticed just how much of her life was in secret and lies. I mean her husbund still doesnt know she smokes after 19 years, she would not be honest with me about her deadlines (only for me to find out at the end of the year she failed because she hadnt done the work all along she woulkd tell me she did enough to pass), She would get the mail everyday before her husband seen it even if it meant following the courier (most days making her/us late for collage), he knows nothing about her failing collage. There are so many more secrets and lies I cannot keep count. The lies started to lead to me feeling like I was just a place for her to hide her smoking and I didnt know what to believe and what not too.
The final blow for me was last year. I had finally made a POSITIVE decision in my life with no input from anyone else and only briefly discussed it with my partner previous to my decision (my head gets very cluttered when I let too many people give me advice), I then told my partner and friend of my decision to take time out of collage and start my own business, with the garutntee of returning to study the next year. My friend was in my house when I told her, to which, she said “if I tell you this we wont be friends after” I told her to tell me and she did. She had told me that my business would not work, that I would not return to collage and that the relationship I am in will not work (we live together, have struggled but have been working so hard to change it and better our relationship). I was arguing with her about how she was wrong and that I appriciate that I have struggled in the past but am trying and that what she is saying isnt true. Now I don’t mind someone judging me, being honest or whatever, what I do mind is someone coming into my house, not really knowing me and thinking that about me when they are hiding everything they are hiding. I found it very intimidating and hypocritical. With that and trying to start a business and all ready mental health issues, I become really depressed delaying the business start-up process and now suspending collage. All I kept thinking was she is right, if my friend thinks it, teachers from 10 years ago in school saying I would not make anything from my life and grand-parents it must be right. Since this she has been trying to contact me. I finally told her how I felt about that situation and that it has caused a wedge between us, told her how much I am greatful to her and how I am sorry for burying my head in the sand and that I would like to see her. She replied and practically denied ever saying it. Again with my mental health issues it caused me to get upset and questioning myself on that hard conversation we had. Standing my ground I said you did say it, I want to put it behind us but you having such a low opinon of me had drawn a wedge. She apologised and I said we could meet over the next few days. I then get a message from my partner and sister to ask why my friend is posting to my FB page joking about me crying (I was obviouly upset with the things she was saying in my house), I looked on FB and she had just posted something about her starsign and how it make her an honest, spoken minded person but another friend of hers commented and could relate to that starsign, she replied to her friend saying “thats why we get on because we dont cry when they tell one another something” I questioned this and She told me I am thinking to much into this and that the FB post was her trying to express her insucuritires what! on my FB page with my name on it?
I tried to tell her that it was the hypocrisy that concerns me because I never know where I am. Also since my partner has seen this he no longer wants her at our house.
I dont know what to do, I have not replied to her yet as I dont know if this is me thinking to much of it and I dont want to loose a friend because I am such a negative person and could possibly be overreacting.
Any advice would be appriciated
Congrats if you lasted this post and thank you