Post # 1
I have posted before that the wedding plans have been put in hold until my custody case is resolved…well tonight my mom tells me that I have to get the ball rolling because the wedding is in August and 9 months will fly by. I tell her for the umpteenth time that I’m not making any concrete plans until my case is over and that both Fiance and I agreed we will not get married if the case is still pending….her response
“Oh he’s already backing out, next he’ll be telling you he doesn’t want to marry you.”
REALLY???? Would this upset you or am I over reacting?
Post # 3
*HUGS* I am sorry your mom said that it’s horrible. That would definitely upset me!
I think it is sensible and responsible to get things in order before you get married!
Has your mom said things like this in the past? Does she like your FI? Do you think maybe she is disappointed that you aren’t planning the wedding because she enjoys it?
Post # 4
That’s terrible! I’d be upset too!
I’m glad you’re trying to get your custody case resolved first. I remember your posts on this and I know that neither you nor he are taking this stuff lightly. I wish you all the best and many hugs to you!
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I would definitely be upset, and I think you’re doing the right thing. I hope things work out!!
Post # 6
****hugs***** so sorry, its best that you get the custody case figured out first! That way you dont have to worry about anything. Dont let your mom bother you, i know its hard but sometimes my mom can be mean too lol. I have learned to just ignore her sometimes.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone. My mom tends to speak her mind without really thinking how it will affect a person quite frequently. It has always been an issue with us.
My mom loves my Fiance everyone in the family does. My mom comes off stand off-ish when you first meet her and she opened up to him quickly. Within 6 months into our relationship she was telling me he has great plans and he’s a good guy. I think that is why I was so upset. The mister loves me and my daughter soooo much and he will tell anyone.
@Mrs Martin you brought up a good point about the planning…I don’t have anyone involved at this point and partly b/c I don’t want to many cooks in the kitchen. I want to keep everything simple and clean while I have a feeling mom is trying to top my brother’s 15k wedding.
Post # 8
You’re not overreacting; that’s a very upsetting comment! On the other hand, since your mom has been very welcoming of your fiancé in the past, I’d let it slide as one of those too-blunt off the top of her head comments you said she’s prone tomaking.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry your Mom said that. Sometimes people say things they just don’t mean. Maybe she was just stressed? My Mom is the same way. A little while ago, while talking on the phone, she asked how I was and I started to tell her about a thoughtful gesture my fiance did (he cooked and brought home flowers) after he got back from a business trip. She cut me off in mid-sentence and said how I need to cook too and then said that I need to take care of myself so “it doesn’t happen again”.
First off, I cook all the time, I love to cook – she knows this. Second, I am divorced and my ex turned out to be an absolute poor excuse of a man — he cheated on me and wanted to be single again — which is totally irrevalent to my relationship and my future husband is wonderful man.
It hurt when she said that and all I said was “I wish you can just be happy for me.”
I let a week pass before I contacted her again and she said how stressed out she is because of a lawsuit. It’s not an excuse, I know. But still, sometimes Moms don’t act like Moms, but they’re still our Moms.
Feel better and think about the ones that love you most! Continue being excited about your day!
Post # 10
I do believe it was one of those comments that she just said without thinking, but it happens so often that it really annoys me.
For instance, my tissue paper poms (I posted about this too) she said will look like shyt, yes those were her words, on my wedding day b/c we are getting married outside and it will rain.
The mister tells me I take it to personal and that I should just let it go, but it happens so often and it’s not only with wedding planning. Mom can definitely be very pushy and I’m not confrontational…I just don’t want to have my wedding planning be more stressful than it naturally is.
Thanks for letting me vent and reassuring me I’m not being super sensitive.
Post # 11
That sounds like something my mom would say. I would get upset over that comment, too; it’s not just you. With my mom, I learned to just ignore her (when I can). I don’t know about your mom, but my mom says very negative things like that all the time. She did that throughout my life and also about my relationship the whole time I was dating my Fiance. She’d say stuff like my Fiance (then bf) will leave me one day because I am older than him, that he’ll break up with me because he doesn’t like pets (and I have a dog) as if they are facts, etc. etc. She made made me feel pretty bad about myself, but I am learning she’s just a very very negative person and she lowers her expectation so she doesn’t get hurt. It sucks but I can’t change her, so I try to just not let her bother me, and it’s hard.
Post # 12
I’m sorry she said that to you, and I know I would be upset. Maybe it was one of those comments people sometimes make without thinking first. I remember my mom said something really hurtful to my sister once because she didn’t think first, and she is THE sweetest person I know. It happens.
Post # 13
Joonbee – you hit the nail on the head. Mom is very negative, although her intentions are good. I try to ignore as many negative comments as I can but that one really stung.
I’ve had 2 previous relationships that were emotionally abusive and my self worth was next to nothing until a couple years ago when I started focusing on making myself happy first and shortly then after I met my mister. He loves me just as hard as I love him, so to hear her comment that he would leave kinda picked at that old scab of not feeling good enough or worthy to love.
Any ideas on how to deflect the negativity??? I don’t want my mom to be the Debbie Downer of our wedding.