(Closed) I think my bf may have ring envy too

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think for a guy it kinda hits their need to feel they can provide for you… which in a way is one thing the ring was supposed to symbolize during the engagement contract.  I agree with the comments that 2-3 months salary is a clever ploy by DeBeers to rake in the dough, but at the same time, it was a way to show not only that your intended intended to step up and marry you, but it also showed how well he’d do as a bread-winner.

Today, such things aren’t really in the forefront of a waiting lady’s mond – our “ring-envy” does tend to stem from some superficial place that everyone has and not everyone can vanquish.  It’s only human.  I’ve got about 9 (going on 10) friends who are recenlty engaged and/or married, and each one has a piece of bling that’s WAY more than anything we could ever afford.  I’ve found some really nice rings I’d like just fine for under 500.00 (which is still a lot to me to spend on jewelry) but haven’t yet showed them to my guy, as I worry it will seem too pushy.  ne girl I know is wearing 20,000.00 on her left hand, and ost have about 5,000.00.  To me, while it’s easy to say and harder to do at times, the most important thing to remember is that YOUR SO is the one giving you this ring, and his heart with it.  I had two friend get married this weekend, and the ring she’s wearing is just one that belonged to her late-mother, and her SO never bought her a ring, because the ring her prposped with and this one all came from her family, making them extra special (the propoal ring is an heirloom so she’s worried about losing it and was happy to switch to the other).  She didn’t even get a seperate wedding band – just handed over the ring to the minister to give to her now husband to put right back onto her finger. 

Maybe, even if your stone isn’t as large as the ones you see being sported by friends, you can pick a setting or enhancer that will act as your wedding band that will “dress” it up a bit.  It’s all about what’s special to you as a couple – and while I know online a ot of ladies are proud of their 1+ carat rings, you should look for the post in the rings forum about the same number of ladies who love thier .3 carat rings. 

Post # 5
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know. Trust me, I hate myself for how superficial this whole ring thing has made me. I am not typically a materialistic person.

@jackndiane: Don’t feel bad, I think most of us at one time or another have felt envy for something someone else has that we can’t afford. It’s totally human, and as long as you’re not demanding something be bought for you, or turning your nose down at something I don’t think you should feel bad about it! I definitely catch myself looking at some of the stunners friends are wearing and thinking: “I really hope he gets me something as nice as that!” but when I really think about it I just hope he puts time and thought in to it and makes it special. I will probably accept and wear (and not upgrade) anything he gives me. (If he would only get off his tush and ask!)

Post # 6
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yup same. My guy sees the massive rings his baller friends buy their women… and he ususally makes some comment to the effect… wow, that’s a huge rock- sorry baby I can’t get you something like that…

Meh, a touch envious? Yeah, why lie? But in the grand scheme of things I’m most proud he bought me a Canadian diamond at double to price of a regular diamond of the same quality, so it could have been much, much bigger size wise if he’d choosen that.

Post # 7
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I really dont think you should be comparing your size to others, because from your post it almost sounds as though you would have been happy if the picture on facebook had a been of a ring smaller than yours.

Post # 8
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jackndiane: You could always put it in a halo setting.  Or some other accompanied setting.  It doesn’t have to be the only diamond, if you will, in your ring.

 

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Men definetly feel the need to compete in regards to providing for the brides. I designed my ring but did not pick the size. My SIL has a 1.5ct ring and Darling Husband had to make sure mine was bigger lol. He does tend to be very proud of himself in regards to my rings ad I just have to remind him that it’s not polite to brag or comment on other peoples rings.

Post # 10
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Taylor4: I will probably accept and wear (and not upgrade) anything he gives me. (If he would only get off his tush and ask!)

Hear, hear!  I have no desire to upgrade any ring I’m given.  It’ll be the ring he gives me, and at this point within our relationship, the ring is only a visble manifestation of the fact that we’re about to be married and late have gotten married.  That said, I freely admit I have things I’d like to wear on my left hand and things that would trigger a bit of a dissapointment; I’d like to know a symbol of our comitment is at least as important a purchase as a video game console.

Post # 12
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Wow I could have writen this myself. While my stone does have signicant sentimental value it being his grandmothers it is also a modest .35 set in a very nice halo setting (because of the 60 year old cut it looks like a 1/2 ct there is less under neath it so it looks bigger then a present day .35 ct) (TC: .6) now i love that not only did he give me his Grandmothers diamond (whom i was not able to meet since she passed when he was a kid) but his mother wore this as her engagement ring because she never had one, so not only did he give me the diamond but his mom took it off her hand first (super special and i love him and his family!) that said i was looking at my friends rock this weekend and its like 1.25 ct (it was her great aunts’ diamond) and all of my friends have a ct or more on their hands and he’s says on the way home “they probably think i’m a cheap skate with your ring – its so small next to so and so’s diamond, god that must be like 2 times the size of yours” now i wasn’t going to tell him that its more like 4 times the size lol but i tell him that it doesn’t matter because i love my ring and i love that he gave me something so special, and he didnt put us in debt for it. But he looks at it and says stuff like “it looks so small” Its almost annoying because i love my ring and i feel like i have to defend it to him! of all people! lol silly boys…

Post # 13
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@jackndiane:  Hmmm… maybe, if the stone itself has some “bad” karma associated with it, it would be better to find another cost-saving measure.  I really like the idea of a solitaire of my birthstone, an aquamarine, instead of a diamond and I will still have a “real” stone that costs a lot less than a “traditional” diamond (I ahve negative feelings associated with CZ – my mother with whom I have a strained relationship at best was a home shopping junkie, and picked the tackiest, fakest looking CZ, and while I’ve seem some lovely ones presented in the Rings boards, I still have issues with it).  Heck, a non”traditional” stone was good enough for soon-to-be-Princess Kate 🙂

Maybe your mom’s stone could still be used in a necklace, and you could look another alternative to a diamond that would still be “you”.  It may sound wacky, but if you read any Feng Shui books it cautions you about taking items as your own if they have had a rough history.  Then again, you could “forgive” the diamond for what your dad did somehow, and I think a setting with some small, inexpensive accent stones might jazz up your inherited stone. 

Post # 15
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It is true.  My Fiance researched diamonds and said something even to the jeweller that he wouldn’t get anything less that, and I know that all the mainstream diamond stores around here are below that standard.  Also he mentioned to me he wouldn’t go less than .75 ct but 1 would be good or a little bigger (price) 

I honestly don’t care, I’ll take a pretty ring that isn’t so expensive but I think he’s trying to balance something between the (two pay cheques “rule”) and what I’m asking for with a little quality to it. 

It’s nice to see this from guys. 

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