(Closed) I think my brother is making a HUGE mistake!

posted 9 years ago in College
Post # 3
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly, he needs to straighten up. Once you’re in college, you’re expected to take at least a small amount of responsibility. You need to set some ground rules and make him abide by them- helping out around the house and maybe even get a job to pay rent. Not doing so is just enabling him to continue down this path.

Post # 4
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think KMSull is right…he needs to straighten up. I like the idea of him needing to pay rent. Maybe it will teach him something.

Post # 6
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Um…I don’t know if living with your Mom is going to make him any more responsible. It might just make him worse. Would he pay rent to her or would he stay there scott free? He’s basically be getting everything for free, so I don’t know if that would be teaching him to be resopnsible.

I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. = ( Its not really fair, is it.

Post # 7
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Okay, then if he pays rent then he needs to help out with housework- cleaning, laundry, cooking, taking out the trash. And you need to have a serious conversation with your mom (regardless of whether he moves back in with her or not) about not enabling him- my parents have enabled me my whole life and I’m struggling to make it in the “real world”… take it from me, it’s not fun and it is NOT what I want to be doing. I worked full-time, went to school full time and had a boyfriend my senior year of college and it was miserable but I did it. You might want to try to have him give THAT a go and see how he likes it.

Post # 8
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

There’s something called natural consequences.  If he keeps up the way he’s going, he will fail out of school, but that’s the natural consequence of not putting in the effort.  The nautral consequence of not helping out around the house should be that he is not allowed to live there anymore.  He has to grow up some time, and if there are no consequences to his actions, he won’t have any incentive to grow up.

Post # 10
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

I can totally understand, Bamboo.  It’s hard when someone you love is making bad decisions.  *HUGS* to you.

Post # 11
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think its good that you are genuinely concerned but I think things will have to run its course. As a sister, I would just say be there for him unconditionally. Sometimes college REALLY isn’t for everyone. Good luck to both of you 🙂

Post # 12
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I know this might not be what you want to hear but maybe he needs to drop out of school for a little while.  But he would need to work full time somewhere to pay his bills and not just lounge around the house.  That might make him understand that if he doesn’t go to school, he won’t make enough money to go out and have fun and might make him go back and take it more seriously.  I don’t necessarily think that giving him an education financed by your parents will make him straighten up and appreciate it more.

Post # 13
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

That’s so frustrating! My best friend and her fiance recently went through something like this with his little sister. She was living with them and pay (a ridiculously low) rent, but she never helped out around the house and would always complain about paying rent, and she was doing TERRIBLE in school ’cause she was always partying, etc. But they finally sat down and talked to her and told her that she couldn’t live with them if she was going to act like that. It wasn’t a popular decision with their parents (they seem to be enablers a little bit), but she’s since moved out on her own and it sounds like she’s realizing how easy she had it before and she’s starting to see that she needs to straighten up. You need to have a serious conversation with him and tell him that if he doesn’t clean up his act he will have to move out.

Post # 14
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

It’s nice that he pays you rent.. but I think you need to sit down with him and give him a list of expectations for his behavior while he lives under your roof. Give him a curfew and also a GPA that he has to stay above. You and him should sign a contract and if he breaks it, then he needs to leave. Tough love is the only way to go in this case.

Post # 15
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

Sometimes, it’s just not the right time to be in school.  If he drops out and still lives with you, the rent needs to go up and he’ll need to get a better job or work more hours.

I know you don’t want him to fail, but he might have to figure it out on his own.

Post # 16
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

My sister flunked out her freshman year, though she was in the dorms.  My parents made her pay them back the $ they had put towards her education.  Even though she is smart, she then had to work full time and go to comm. college to prove she had changed her tune and get a solid GPA.  She still went on to get her masters.

Maybe he has to hit rock bottom on his own, and definitely don’t let him take advantage of YOU!  All is not lost, though, as some people just don’t “get it” at 18/19 but don’t give up on him completely.

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