(Closed) I think my dad is addicted to "puppy love"…(long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you just shouldn’t react at all. like you said, you know it’s none of your business what he thinks he wants to do 🙁

Post # 5
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I have no advice because I have never beein in your shoes, but I can feel you!

He sounds like a man child to me… but he is not going to change. He had what, 5 marriages and those marriages only last for about a year each..?

I am sensing he also always blames the women when he splits with them. He is not going to learn anything and listen to anyone.

I just think what you can do is continue to be his loving daughter but kind of keep distance…

Post # 7
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@roweboat:  I agree that with the observation that he keeps blaming the women for the marriages failing, that your father is not going to listen to anything regarding himself. just keep your distance.

Post # 8
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

if it were me i’d probably not send a warm response back to him. Drives me nuts when people expect you to support their craziness. Also, it pisses me off that gay couples who have been together for decades can’t marry but your dad can mamany and dump people as many times as he pleases! 🙁

Post # 9
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You are certainly not the only one with this problem.

My dad is exactly the same. He left my mom when I was 10 (granted, that was a good decision for everyone involved).

When I was a teenager he dated a woman 15 years his junior. I have never seen an adult be more of a child than this woman was. Despite being 35, she looked 16 (bleach blonde hair down to her butt, dressed exclusively in clothes from Garage, had 2 kids that she only mildly cared for but was obsessed with horses. She acted exactly how you would expect a 12 year old to act if you placed her in an adult’s body, also dumb as a post, or sorry “she has a simple wisdom” according to my dad, just plain “simple” if you ask me). They dated for a year, got engaged (despite pleas from literally everyone in my family, I actually had to tell my dad that I would not attend his wedding if he did not have an airtight pre-nup). They got married and were separated 8 weeks later. Yes, you heard that right, 8 weeks.

Fast forward to the next woman. She was closer to his age (heading in the right direction) but just as emotionally messed up as the last one. They broke up, got back together and went to couples’ counselling. 3 months later they got engaged (who the hell proposes 3 months after you get back together? wtf?). They never made any wedding plans and she called it off.

Within a couple weeks (yes, weeks) after his engagement was called off he was back to online dating and has found someone else. She seems nice enough and I actually do like her. But to say I’m not holding my breath is an understatement…

Then I find it particularly hilarious when my dad offers me relationship advice. Yeah, thanks but no thanks…

I’ve given up on trying to find the right thing to say to help him. He loves the idea of being in love. I’m just down to hoping he manages to stumble into a healthy relationship because he certainly doesn’t know how to look for one. Sorry I’m no help.

 

Post # 10
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I have to agree that your dad is in love with the idea of being in love. It seems like his time line is about the same time as many relationships move out of the exciting and hormonal stage to the deeper understanding stage of love.

He is in constant need of that excitement which eventually ends and then he moves on with someone who can give him that feeling again. Its a sign of deep self esteem issues.

I used to counsel women at a battered womens shelter, these women would leave horrible situations and you would think they would be happy for the calm of the shelter where they had nothing to fear. Instead they would create drama in the shelter with other women in the shelter.

Its like they were unused to the quiet safety and had to create the chaos they had become used to in their relationships. I think it applies to your father. He needs chaotic emotions and the newness of everything. He moves on quickly looking for the next fix.

Post # 11
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry you are in such an emotionally unstable situation. My dad is on his 3rd marriage and has a 7-year-itch more or less. We’ll see if he and his current wife gets divorced.

He cheated on and divorced my mom when I was 7. A year or two later he started dating someone new, who is still one of my friends (she’s 15 years older than me). They got married and divorced when I was 14.

Then he married the woman he had an affair on his second wife with like a year later. She hates me. They’re upset I’m friends with my dad’s second wife…upset I don’t follow their religion (which my dad “found” when they got together)…..upset that I’m married. 

My only advice is to let go. Don’t not have a relationship with your dad, but limit it. Treat his wife like you would anyone. At this point, they don’t have a special place in your life because they’re not helping raise you or anything. Your dad is going to do what he thinks he needs to do to be happy, and if you want to be in his life and want him in yours, you have to let him make is own mistakes. Honestly, he sounds like he’s not very good at relationships and I would be a little worried about the relationships he’s having and how healthy they are for both parties, but as long as he’s not getting abusive anymore (which I don’t know if he is or isn’t….you said he’s changed a lot) then having a lot of relationships isn’t necessarily the worst thing ever…there isn’t anything you can really do to help his relationships. 

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