(Closed) I think my father is about to disown me…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i suggest you stop texting and actually pick up the phone and speak to eachother in future, i find texing impersonal and often it doesnt make an issue better.  i also suggest you stop talking politics – obviously you have two very different view so leave it at that

as far as the religion issue -i cant offer any advise because ive not experienced someone as hard core as your father before – hopefully he will attend a service to see for himself that its not evil

im sorry you are going thru this, i cant imagine how upsetting it must be for you – goodluck!

Post # 5
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I grew up (athiest, no less) surrounded by people as extreme as your father. Despite decades of trying to be immensely respectful and completely understanding of their beliefs (while mostly hiding my own), I found that people that entrenched in their religion simply cannot open up to other beliefs. It makes me sad for you, but I honestly don’t believe that he’ll come around. People that can believe so blindly in virgin birth and saviors tend to not be open to the other possibilities, and tend to not believe that morality can be found outside of their own religion.

I fixed my own situation by moving to Boston ;-). (and marrying a Jew!)

Post # 7
Member
671 posts
Busy bee

I just read this post to my Fiance. We had a good laugh, not at your expense, but because we have similarly ignorant parents. Not related to religion though, just culture. We are the same religion and share the same culture and his family hates me because I have a child. It is so funny how we grow up thinking our parents are all knowing, turns out, they just speak really confidently. I hope you are able to resolve your situation, it is really saddening to loose family members (especially close ones) but I also feel like the most important relationship you have after marriage is that of a husband and his wife and nothing should come before that or threaten that. I feel like your father is threating that at this moment and using religion as the tool to do so. Wow- under the guise of religion? who would have thought!?

Post # 8
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Ugh, my condolences.  Bible thumping fundie Christians KILL me.  I’m all for freedom of religion, but your freedom to practice your religion does not give you free license to insult my beliefs, damn me to hell or try to impose your beliefs on me.  

My stepfather shares your father’s political beliefs (unfortunately.) I’ve found that engaging him in political debates is pointless, as he cannot rationalize why he believes what he does.  Our “discussions” usually end with him getting red-faced and shouting out conservative catchphrases all night while I end up with a massive headache from rolling my eyes so hard.  It’s so not worth it. 

Sometimes two people are just too far apart on the spectrum to come to any sort of middle ground.  In those cases, it’s best to stay far away from any hot button issues. If he tries to engage, just tell him you love him, you’re sorry he can’t understand your beliefs and you’re done discussing it.  If he keeps at you, leave. 

Sorry you’re having to go through this.  πŸ™

Post # 9
Member
3004 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@MissHoneyBun: I’m really sorry that you are going through all of this. I have to say though that while I haven’t been through anything like this as far as religion goes, when I decided to move into my Fi’s house my parents thought I just told them I was growing a third eye. I went through a period where my parents pretty much disowned me (and it’s still rough, they don’t tell people they know everything or avoid talking about me)  

I hope that for you, things get better like they did for me. I know it’s painful now, and no one deserves to be alienated or outcast for their choice in religion , but your parents are probably similar to mine (extremists–I’m sorry if that word is offensive to you. You will not be able to change their opinion on something, so it’s probably better if you realize that you can do nothing but love them and hope that they come around. 

I’m sorry if anything I said was a little abrasive but coming to the realization that I couldn’t change the opinions of my parents was one of the hardest things I had to do. 

Post # 10
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m really sad for you about this.  I guess I’m so used to my own situation with my parents that I don’t really understand how close other people are to theirs, but your story gets to me because I think I remember back when it was happening to me and I can tell just from this post that you are handling it WAY better than I ever could.  My mom isn’t the same type of Christian as your father, but she tries her damnedest to be, so I do understand where you’re coming from.

I do hope that he’ll at least do better than my mom did and love you and maintain a relationship with you regardless of this disagreement, if only because you’re his daughter.  I really do.  *hug*

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yeah, it’s pretty awful, but this has been my whole life, basically

how very sad for you and very forgiving and accepting to want to have a relationship with your dad because i dont think i could be that strong

 

Post # 12
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

i’m always amused by people who fail to realize that Jesus was jewish. the last supper was essentially a shabbat dinner!

i’m sad that your father had such a negative reaction. i’m christian, though not as far right as the most vocal [which annoys me because they give christians a very bad rep!] but we’re told to love one another, not just other christians but EVERYONE. and that if we don’t love our brothers and sisters, we cannot love God. unfortunately that ideal isn’t properly taught or expressed enough.

i do hope your dad is able to come around one day. you’ve reacted very maturaly in the face of all of this.

Post # 13
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@lezlers: Whoa, are you my long lost stepsister? I think we have the same stepdad!

Post # 14
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@tea: the last supper was a passover seder πŸ™‚ crazy, huh?

OP – I am so, so sorry to hear you are going through this… in a perfect world your dad would be as compassionate as jesus and support you no matter what life choices you make for yourself. I love that you invited him to services, though – maybe he’ll like it?? πŸ™‚ Good luck…

Post # 15
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m sorry.  I can understand your situation… while my parents are political, they are definitely very “Christ driven” – but not in a logical way.  Sometimes people take religious text to be very literal and that is why the world is so angry. πŸ™

If it’s any consolation, my Future Father-In-Law is Muslim and thinks if we don’t raise our children in Islam they will go to hell.  My mom also believes if we don’t baptise them, they will go to hell.  I can assure you we are doing neither. 

I’m also pretty sure my dad isn’t happy about my choice, but he hasn’t said anything.  It seems you are handling this with grace and poise, as best as you can.  You are doing everything you can. πŸ™‚  I SUPPORT your decision, for what it’s worth!

Post # 16
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

πŸ™ this makes me so sad……I’m Christian….my family is not….and I can’t imagine trying to force them to believe something simply because I do…..I’m so sorry that you are going through this! Have you considered sending him an email? It may give you a chance to say everything….without him reacting emotionally so quickly!  Ask him to wait 24 hours to respond…..and to think or pray if he prefers….about this……and hopefully he will realize that it isn’t his place to try and force your religious decisions!

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