(Closed) I think my future sister in-law hates me…..

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Future Mother-In-Law maybe..but thats different. Maybe thats just her personality. Does she do the same thing to other people or is it just you specifically. Or maybe she worries about you liking her and isn’t sure how to act around you? 

Post # 4
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

My Future Sister-In-Law is the same way… but its mostly because we have nothing in common. She’s from a small town and hasn’t experienced much outside of her town. We literally have nothing to talk about except her kids and her dog *Snooooooze*

My Fiance is actually really quiet with newer people & gives one word answers… he probably hasn’t said more than 100 words to my mom over the last 3 years. He likes them all– he just doesn’t talk a lot! It could be her personality… ask your Fiance if she’s always been quiet or been so stoic.

Perhaps she just needs more time to warm up to you 🙂 Good luck!

 

Post # 5
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Is your Future Sister-In-Law either 1) older than you are and unmarried, or 2) the only sibling your Fiance has?  I’m thinking it might be the whole territorial thing…?

Post # 8
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It’s definitely because she’s the only other sibling.  She’s going to get over it sooner or later-just give her some space and let her see how cool you are from afar, without worrying about what she’s thinking. 🙂  I’m the younger sibling-we’re pouty, like attention, feel threatened by outsiders-nothing against you :)))))))  hehe

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

im always nicer, friendlier and more interactive with strangers ive just met than my own family.  i have nothing in common with my SIL so i maybe speak to her twice per year and she lives only 500 yards down the road from me!

try not to force it is my advise

goodluck!

 

Post # 10
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Yea, you are stealing her big brother! That would make me hate you a little bit, too. 🙂 What can I say, some sisters are overly-protective.

Give her some time, show her that you are a nice person that really cares about her brother, maybe take some time to find out what she’s interested in and what you may have in common that you may be able to connect with her over. That would help you become friendly with her, I think. Or, you could just wait for her to get over it!

Post # 11
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My Future Sister-In-Law and I use to be best friends (middle school) but she went CLINCALLY crazy. Actually, thats how my FH and I became close. (See website for full story http://www.nickncassie.com)

Now that we are engagemed to be married, I think she hates me even more. Its a long story… maybe ill blog ot one day.. Put it this way, my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law agree with my FH and I that she is pretty much banned from giving a speech at our reception dinner and/or wedding. When my FH uncle got married a couple years ago she started out the speech with “I didnt really like Melinda at first but now…” AHHHH!!!

Post # 12
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Miss Bravo has a good point. She may just be that way cause the attention is not on her and (speaking from the baby of my family…also on both sides of the extended family) we love our attention!!! Smile

Give her some time and she may come around. It sounds like you are making some good efforts.

Post # 13
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law – they’re clones, so it makes sense that if Future Mother-In-Law is confounded by me, so is Future Sister-In-Law. Both of them drive FH up a wall, and even though I’m taking everyone else’s advice and just not trying anymore – it’s hard. I still want to try, thinking somehow, some day I’ll find the magic trick that makes them open up as people to me. It’s a huge disappointment in a lot of ways, because I had expectations that FH’s family would be some kind of decent…

Post # 14
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My SIL and don’t get along and frankly I doubt we ever will. It is painful because I think we all harbor fantasies about getting this wonderful new family to love and be supported by. We went through a lot of upheaval over the sister (first over her coldness towards me, then a big blow up, and finally her passive aggressive digs at me) and it actually prompted the only “I don’t know if I want to be married to you” discussion of our entire engagement.

My only advice is to be a united front with your Fiance. You are his family now and they are relatives, and no matter what, his obligations and loyalties have to be with you. Your Future Sister-In-Law sounds more distant than aggressive (be thankful for that) and hopefully she will simply thaw as she gets used to the idea. But I’ve found that once you have that assurance from your future husband, it is a million times easier to be at peace with your relationship with his family, whatever it might be. You can make attempts to reach out to her (ask her to go get manicures, send her a book you think she might like) but do so without any expectations, or you are setting yourself up to feel disappointed.

 

Post # 15
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m the youngest kid in my family and the only girl and I was a bit sad when my first brother got married.  I liked his fiance but I was seeing it as losing a brother instead of gaining a sister.  (I was 15 at the time!!)  After a few months I got used to the idea and got over it and my SIL and I became very close.  I’m lucky in that most of my SILs don’t have sisters so we all know what it’s like to be the only girl!

You SIL will accept you sooner or later!!  If all else fails, the one things I’ve noticed that really brings families together is babies!!

Post # 16
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hi All,

I have a similar future sister in law problem.  She is older and unmarried (missbravo was right on the money with that one) and she lives in the same apartment building as we do- yikes!  I have been dating her brother for 4 years and our engagement should come as no surprise to anyone.  She has not congratualed me or acknowledged in any way that we are getting married, even though I have seen her several times. 

His family wanted her to be a bridesmaid which I agreed to.  I asked my fiance to speak to her about it since since she hadn’t acknowledged our wedding to me in any way and I felt uncomfortable asking her.  She refused our offer and apparently told my fiance a list of reasons why he should not marry me.  This all happened the day of our engagement BBQ which she skipped since she “had other plans”- nice way to kick off the engagement huh?

She and I have had our differences in the past but I never imagined in a million years that she would go this far.  It has been one of the most hurtful things anyone has done and she did a good job of stealing our joy for a while.  My fiance still deals with her and her emotional rollercosater and tries to be a good brother to her, but I just try to stear clear of her.  

Like anything in life, things don’t always go the way they are promised to, but it’s real life and you just have to stay grounded in the people that love and support you and let the other stuff fall away.  Being on the same page with my fiance is definitely important becuase that’s the only way she cannot come between us.  It still sucks to have someone mettle in something that is so importnat. 

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