I think my mom is having an affair…………

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yes, honestly.. you need to get this out of you. You are her child and this is NOT your burden to have to hold on to and hide. I would ask her about it, tell her you know something is up, let her know you dont respect what she is doing and it is hurting you and your family IF it is happening and then let her be… At least then you know you dont have to hide the horrible fact that you even know about it in the first place.

Ive been in your EXACT shoes.. if you need to talk PM me

Post # 18
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Miss Giraffe: If you don’t think you can rest until you know everything I would email her and tell her what you found and that you would like an explination.  Email might not be the best way to talk to her about this, but right now it really is your only way.  I would type the email and then read through it a few times to make sure you don’t write/say anything that could hurt your relationship with your mom.  Hopefully she will be able to give you some sort of answer to your questions.

Post # 20
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Old friends don’t send messages like the ones they sent.  Sounds like he has a guilty conscience, as he should!  I hope your mom responds soon, although she may be in shock that you found out and is trying to figure out how to react.  I hope your email prompted her to rethink about what she is doing and that she will talk to you about it and seek counseling.  *hugs*

Post # 21
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i’m surprised he emailed you back…and with such a stupid response.  clearly you know there is more going on than just being “old friends” if they are planning secret trysts in trailers and such. 

Post # 22
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Miss Giraffe:  I hope everything is ok and that you and your mom have since been able to talk.  Good luck!!!

Post # 23
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

How awful for you to have to go through this so close to your wedding.. I’m so sorry 🙁  I’m sure it will be a long time before your relationship with your mother is repaired, but I hope you can at least put it behind you on your wedding day and still enjoy it!

Post # 24
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

wow that would make me even more mad him lying to my face! but then again what else would you expect him to say? confess to you? If it was so innocent as old friends why would your mom delete all her emails and keep it a secret adn tell him “i want you”. I;m so sorry all this is happenening. i couldnt imagine..

Post # 25
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

This is crazy. I would talk to your mom about it in a one on one situation, let her know that you know and you dont approve.

Post # 26
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow, I feel bad for your dad.  I think since your mom knows that you know, you should wait until she is back to talk to her face to face.  I wouldn’t know what to do in this situation, but I think your dad should know what’s going on, maybe not from you, but you should pressure her to confess to your dad, I feel for you, this is a horrible situation 🙁  *hugs*

Post # 27
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

WOW. I would talk to her as soon as you can. This is probably just me but I couldn’t even look at her at my wedding. She obviously doesn’t understand the “sanctity” of marriage. I would be furious. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. I hate cheaters… they disgust me. Best of luck to you and your family.

Post # 28
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

I know you said that your mom deleted the emails, but is it possible to take them out of the Trash and print them out.  It sounds like all they are going to do is deny, deny deny.  Show them you have proof.  Your father deserves to know the truth and it should come from your mom. 

Post # 29
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Has your mom replied to your email yet?

Post # 30
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Imho those who cheat will go to great lengths not to be caught, although I think your mom got lazy in this instance thinking nobody would access that account.

They do not sound like old friends.  Old friends don’t want each other and old friends can show the emails to their spouses if they are of the opposite sex.  My Fiance knows I have male friends on FB and he sees what they write and what I do.  I hide nothing.

My ex husband cheated so I kinda know how they work.  Even with the evidence right before him, he would never tell the truth.  I would level w/your mom, tell her you know it, and tell her its’ unacceptable to lie.  I also imho (just me) find affairs immoral.  They hurt not just the betrayed partner, but kids and entire families and are imho a very selfish thing to do.  Also, maybe refer her to marriagebuilders.com which does amazing work with those who are cheated and betrayed as well as great advice for those simply married.

I am so sorry for this timing, but finding out about something like this is never at a convenient time.  Just stand tough and remember that they have lying junkie minds when they’re cheating.  They act like total aliens.  At least my ex did and spiraled out of control.

Hopefully they can work thru this and maybe survive the situation, but it sounds as if from your timeline you provided, this has been going on for sometime.

Btw, if that dude has the cajones to email you back again, let him know that old friends do not encourage lying to their partners and say they want each other.  Tell him you are onto him 100 percent and he should take this up with your dad.

According to the marriagebuilders site, affairs thrive in the dark, meaning they don’t look good and are hard to continue when the cover is blown.  I’d let their secret out and see how pretty an affair looks to a family and to the marriage partner in the light of day where all can see.  Imho it looks pretty damn ugly.

Been thru it, felt all the pain, and lived to tell the tale.   

 

Post # 31
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My mom has cheated on my dad with two different men (yes, it’s awful), and the first time I got caught in the middle when I made my mom do something about it, my dad knew I knew and I became the confidant for both of them while they worked it out.  That is NO position for a child to be in.

The second time, when I found out, I told my mother to NEVER mention it to me and that I NEVER saw/heard/knew anything.  When sh** hit the fan, I was left out of it and don’t regret it for a second.  They are adults and it’s their business, that no one, especially their child, needs to be a part of.

Especially with your wedding comming up, I would avoid it like the plague.  Address it with your mother for your piece of mind, and then leave it be.

 

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